1. Ask questions and don’t make assumptions
2. The aim of communication is a solution, not to “win”.
3. Never label your partner when fighting. For example: Don’t call them a child or a coward. If you really feel they act childish you need to talk to them when you’re not upset and in a positive, caring way.
4. Don’t believe that you know what the other person is thinking.
5. Don’t just complain about your partner. Be specific in what it is you would like for them to change or work on with you.
6. Ask for and give feedback of the major points to make sure you heard your partner correctly and understand what he/she wants.
7. Only discuss one issue at a time. Otherwise, you may go back and forth, causing discussion to be too overwhelming and frustrating
8. Do not use past events as weapons. Stay with the here and now.
9. Always consider a compromise
10. Take time to check you thoughts and feelings before you speak. Don’t be afraid to close your eyes and take time to process what’s going on.
11. Remember: Your partner’s viewpoint is just as real to them as yours, even though your views may differ.
12. There is never a single “winner” in a fight. You either both win by making the relationship better or you both lose.

If you and your partner continually have heated conversations and make these mistakes, you can do harmful and lasting damage to each other and your emotional health! Call us today at 317-569-0046 or send us a comment card. A therapist will respond within the business day. We would love to help you and your partner find peace in your relationship. We are experts in relationship and marriage counseling in the Indianapolis areas including Carmel, Fishers, and Noblesville.