Category Archives: Grief Issues

08Mar 2010

What I Learned From Sugar

It has been 2 years since my sweet Sugar passed away. She was a 13 year old mixed breed dog that I had rescued as a pup. She had a battle with cancer that she fought every bit of the way. It was so hard for me to let her go. She had been with me through so much of my adult life. When she passed, I started writing a book about her. I wasn’t able to get a good start on it because I gave birth to my 2nd son 2 months later. I thought I would share with you the basis of what I was writing: What we learned from Sugar. Some of them are self explanatory and some I just have to share more. Sugar taught me to:

1. Exercise daily

2. Eat like there is no tomorrow (ok for us humans maybe every now and then eat this way!)

3. Laugh often

4. When life gives you lemons….eat them!

5. Forgive and don’t hold grudges

6. Instead of living your OWN way in a family, BECOME part of the family. Then Mommy gives you whatever you want anyway!

7. Don’t ever pass up on opportunity (for her it was food or to run!)

8. Everyone can be a friend (she greeted everyone with a smile and her tail wagging.Ok- we humans need to use some boundaries! ha ha)

9. Greet your family members like they have been gone forever- even if they just ran out for a minute! It makes them feel so special!

10. Love unconditionally. Sugar did not care if I smelled, if I was grumpy, or had just accidentally stepped on her tail. She still loved me!

11. Live every day and every moment to the fullest.

#11 was Sugar to her last moment. I had to make the unfortunate decision to put Sugar down. I just knew it was the right thing to do. She did everything but tell me she needed to go. I sat with her in our back seat as my husband drove us to the vet. Sugar was so weak we had to lift her in the car. She could barely stand. It was also chilly that morning- probably 30 degrees. As we were driving, Sugar raised herself up and stood by the window. She wanted to hold her head out the car window one more time. I rolled down the window and watched her with the wind blowing on her face, enjoy every bit of the ride. I told my husband that she was living life to the fullest, up to the last moment. And that’s how Sugar lived every day- like life was wonderful and should be lived like there is no tomorrow. She lived this wisely, however. She knew there would be consequences to just run away with wild abandon. She knew not to jump out of the car. She knew to live it but live wisely. I will never forget that moment and what she taught me. There is so much more we can learn from our furry family members! I do hope to one day finish my book. For now, I remember her.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs. I appreciate you all!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

08Dec 2009

Growing in difficult times

Yesterday, Teri tweeted a great tweet that reminded me of something that is so important: growing in difficult times.

Raffiiki “It’s in the past!” Simba “But it still hurts!” Raffiki “Learn from it?”

I LOVE this line from the movie The Lion King. It reminds me of how important it is to learn from our pain and from our past. Sometimes we just see pain as hurt and sorrow.  We might ask “Why is all this happening to me?” But sometimes, if we dig a little deeper, these are excellent opportunities for stretching ourselves and growing beyond what normal day to day life allows.

Exactly 3 years ago, my family and I were going thru one of the most difficult, stressful times in our lives. Over a span of 9 months we lost a baby to miscarriage, had a move into a house fall thru that left us moving 5 times (what a long story!), we lost my husband’s mother to cancer, and those were just the major events. It seemed little things just kept happening to us, too. It was such a struggle. However, I remember telling my husband that despite all this pain, I had never felt myself grow so significantly in my life. It brought so many things into perspective for me.

I learned that a house didn’t matter, it was my family that  mattered. I could literally live in a box and be ok if I had them. (I didn’t say I would enjoy it but I would live!) You’re never the same after losing a parent: cherish them when they are here. The main thing I learned is just because you trust in God, you may not always get what you think is best for you and what you want. But He will carry you thru it no matter what.

It’s amazing- 3 years later- I am growing all the time but I still don’t believe I have grown as much since then as I did in that 9 months total. Thank God for pain. It really does initiate growth- if we choose to see the opportunity.

I plan to blog in the future on trusting God even when it’s not what we want and creating meaning from pain. Check back in a few days. Thanks for reading.

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

17Sep 2009

It really is about relationships

My 95 year-old Grandfather passed away this past week. He lived a very healthy life but developed dementia the last couple of years. Eventually, he contracted a really bad infection that he suffered with for almost 3 weeks until it took his life.  The last couple of weeks my Mother and her sisters tried to make him comfortable, watching a strong man deteriorate.  He rarely opened his eyes and couldn’t communicate verbally. The night before he passed away he opened his eyes and my Mom could tell he wanted something. She kept asking various questions until she finally realized he was wanting a picture of my Grandmother that was by his bed. She put the picture in his hands and he stared at it for 45 minutes. She said it was the most precious thing she had ever seen. He closed his eyes, went to sleep and passed away the next morning.

My Grandfather saw a lot of things in his life, experienced many wonderful times, and lived a good life. He and my Grandmother experienced their ups and downs I am sure.  He was always concerned with looks, status, and his accomplishments. But in the end, what really mattered, besides his Faith, was his relationship with his wife. He wanted the last thing he ever saw to be her face.  It reminded me of how important relationships are. When all is said and done our relationships are what matter. Nothing else- not money, status, what we accomplished…. none of that will matter when you are leaving this world. What will matter is who we spent our time and our lives with. It’s all about relationships…