Category Archives: Coping Skills

28Nov 2012

Is this Really a Problem?

I was so frustrated! Are you kidding me? Traffic was lined up as far as I could see and I had a client in just a few short minutes. I’m not one to like to be late for appointments, particularly when running my practice. The thought of a client wasting their valuable time in my waiting room gets under my skin. Traffic? This is a PROBLEM!

As I sat and griped and moaned to myself, my mind slowly went back to a moment at a conference a few days prior. The speaker’s exact words that struck through my heart like a bow and arrow were as follows:

If you have a home, have food to eat, a job, and transportation to get there, you are among the top 15% of the wealthiest people of the world!”

Wow! I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never considered myself wealthy. Blessed but not wealthy.

A few days later, I was reading a book by Jim Martin from the International Justice Mission. He was talking about modern day slavery, sex trafficking, and the horrible abuse that goes on in our world. He talked about how we see our issues as problems but “they are mostly frustrations and annoyances” when it comes right down to it. So true. Losing my cell phone? Inconvenience. Stuck in traffic? Frustration. Slavery? Now THAT’S a problem!

I’m not trying to minimize the problems that some people are struggling with. Divorce, the loss of family and friends, job loss, abuse are true problems as well. But I am talking about some of the things we consider problems that are really just annoyances, frustrations, and/or inconveniences. The barista at Starbucks messed up our order so we have a bad morning. We get a little wet from the rain so we gripe and moan about going to work a little soggy. These are NOT problems!

When I was sitting in that traffic, I realized that it wasn’t a problem but rather a frustration or annoyance. I would still have a job to go to (with forgiving clients!), lunch today, and a place to lay my tired body tonight.

I have been reminding myself of this DAILY. When I feel the stress of a “problem” I ask myself “Is this really a problem? Or am I just frustrated, annoyed, or inconvenienced”.

Try it! It will really put things into perspective for you.

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

17Oct 2012

To Everything There is a Season

For those of you in Indiana and the wonderful states that display the change of seasons, don’t you just love Fall? It’s beautiful with all the colors and changes. I literally feel awestruck at times.

Today this made me think of the seasons in our lives. In life there are ups and downs, challenges and victories. Many people know the Bible verse in Ecclesiastes that says, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…” This has great truth to it, whether you are a person of Faith or not. Let me explain.

Most of my clients that come in are experiencing a “winter”. They are feeling depressed, anxious, going thru grief, or their marriage is crumbling. Life is not fun, they are just getting “thru”, and feel little life or joy.

Those that work thru their struggles and challenges often experience “spring” when they finish therapy. They feel like they have a new beginning and a fresh start. I’ve had people say they feel like they have a new life!

After they adjust to their “new life”, they beginning living it out day by day and feeling the fruits of their labor. They are experiencing “summer” in their life. It is fun, adventurous, exciting, and more relaxed.

Many times people will come back in because they hit a bump in the road. I always encourage people to come in before “winter” hits, so to speak. So they may have experienced a change in jobs, or they may have started feeling depressed again (but not like before- just the beginning stages), or they may be experiencing challenges in their relationships. Life is not bleak and bad, but they are starting to feel blue. This is the “fall”. Winter has not yet settled in, thankfully, but they don’t feel like they did in the summer.

There truly are seasons in our lives and in our relationships, so it’s very normal to go thru them. I try to remind couples who just had a baby but are fighting like cats and dogs- This is a season, you are in winter- you’ll see Spring again. To those soon to be empty nesters who are starting to face the reality of an empty house- this is fall, and yes winter is coming- let’s prepare for it so you move thru it back into spring. For those grieving, yes, this is winter- let’s shovel thru it so you can feel spring again soon.

I think many times in life and relationships we can convince ourselves that the hard times are not going to pass or get any better. If we can remember that there are seasons and it’s normal to have them, it can put things in better perspective and help us move thru the difficult ones. And make us cherish the spring and summers of our lives.

Thank you for reading. I hope your week is full of spring and summer, wherever you are!
God bless!

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

06Jun 2012

Do Our Fears Actually Happen?

It is amazing how HUGE fear is for so many people. Many of us make decisions, assumptions, and mountains out of molehills due to fear. We create monsters in our heads about what we think “might” happen, convincing ourselves it will be so.

Think about it- what anxiety have you experienced today? Was it over a fear? I bet it was.

I get caught it the same trap. A few weeks back, my BFF and I decided we wanted to do a “for your health” detox. We wanted to work on ridding our bodies of the things that are not good for us: sugar, flour, gluten…all those no no’s that we fill our body with. We wanted to do it for our health but also to see how we would feel.

Our anxiety started rising as we started thinking about what life would be like without sugar. Not just desserts but how it is in everything! We started reading labels and realized we would be without salad dressing, cereals we enjoy, and even our “healthy” snacks were full of it! Starbucks would be a no-no (tears…) We finally set a date and began counting down the days. We said good-bye to our yummy tummy filling friends. Ok, we were being little dramatic here…ok.. A LOT dramatic!

As we started the detox, the first day wasn’t too fun. We felt tired and had cravings. But we noticed by day 3 we were feeling good. Actually had a little energy and felt better. We soon realized that we had worried about nothing. Something good was actually happening. The negative that was going into our bodies was now being replaced with more mindful and positive foods. We were fine! We COULD live without that junk (not that we want too!) We had spent 3 weeks fearful of 10 days that were fine! Needless time and energy- wasted on nothing.

This made me think about how much we worry about that doesn’t actually happen. Did you know 92% of what we worry about never happens? And the 8% is rarely as bad as we thought it would be!

I truly believe this statistic. When I think about what I worry about, it rarely happens.

The next time you start worrying about something or being fearful- remind yourself- 92% and tell yourself you will worry about that later! Statistics show it probably won’t happen anyway!

Thank you for reading and have a fearless week!

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

23May 2012

Get Out of Your Funk Thru Encouragement

According to Webster’s dictionary, the definition of Encourage is “to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope”. I LOVE that! Isn’t that true? I was most recently reminded of this on my journey to the mini-marathon.

One day in the winter, I was outside running alone. It was cold and windy. I was feeling very discouraged. All the sudden, I noticed a woman running as well. I could tell she was doing something to get my attention but she was so far off that I couldn’t see. As she approached me, I noticed she was giving me the thumbs up! I did not even know her but she could see I was struggling. She was encouraging me. I cannot tell you how this lifted my spirits! I sincerely felt a rush of energy and made it thru my last 2 cold, windy miles.

As I was running the mini, I started feeling “discouraged” or of low energy around mile 9. I was tired, hot, and desperately wanted to keep running. Suddenly I remembered this unknown woman from the winter and what she had done for me. Then I started thinking about how I teach my clients who are struggling with depression to help others as part of their recovery.Something about helping others helps us get out of “ourselves” for awhile and makes us feel better on the inside. At that moment, I realized I needed to start encouraging others.

I started saying things to people as I passed them (if I could see they are struggling). “You’re doing great! Keep going! Don’t give up- almost there!”

I will never forget this elderly man. I was amazed he was still running. When I encouraged him, he gave me the funniest look! I realize now he was probably thinking, “I’m not worried about me, lady, you look like you are about ready to collapse yourself!”

I kept going and kept encouraging. Now the focus was off of “me” and it was about helping others. I am not kidding you, by mile 11 I was literally laughing, dancing to make my running partner laugh, and although not very smart on my part, I started running in front of her BACKWARDS to encourage her. I had a RUSH of energy. There is no doubt in my mind that this happened because I was encouraging others.

Now I know many people may argue this as codependency. Yes, you don’t want to get in the trap of taking care of everyone else and ignoring your own pain. That’s not what this was about. See, I was being taken care of. I had a ton of encouragement thru people on the side of the street yelling, my family at the finish line, the great God winks I got along the way. I truly had everything I needed. So it was good to give. It’s when our needs are met as much as they can be, we have done all we can do, yet we still are feeling “tired, discouraged, and wanting desperately to keep going”. THAT’S when this works.

So if you find yourself in a funk, how can you help others? What is something you can do to get out of yourself for a minute and focus on someone else? You will get far more in return than you ever give away!

Thank you for reading and have a GREAT day!

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

22Feb 2012

Laughter Really Is Good Medicine!

“Laughter is like internal jogging! In many ways as good as physical exercise.”
Joyce Meyer

I LOVE to laugh. Those of you who know me, work with me (as clients or co-workers), or if you have walked by my office door- You know I like to laugh. Tamara and I learned a lot in Graduate School. However, one thing we learned was how to laugh and not get caught! (Sorry professors! Look at us now- we really were listening! Just having fun doing it!)

Have you ever noticed how you feel right after a good laugh? You feel relaxed and calm. There are reasons for this and great reasons to let yourself laugh! Here are just a few of the many reasons to let the laughter flow:

1. It increases our blood flow, which is great for everything in your body.

2. It lowers cortisol and adrenaline, which are stress hormones we release when we are stressed about something. Accessive stress hormones can cause many problems, including depression.

3. It stretches your muscles. In fact, many “stretch” this to say it gives you the same feelings as a mild workout.

4. It increases your immune system, which helps us fight off sickness and disease.

5. When we learn to laugh at ourselves, we don’t take everything so seriously.

There are MANY reasons to laugh. But these are the most important. I believe a great sense of humor plus a positive attitude can change your day from a bad day to a good one. It can make a heavy, difficult marriage feel a little lighter. It can change the nasty attitude your child may wake up with into a little kid who can’t quit smiling. And it can make all of us healthier and happier people.

Try to think of some ways to add laughter in your life. Watch a funny sitcom before going to bed, to relax your body. Sit with a friend and laugh at old pictures! Read a joke book and share some tasteful ones with someone. Play tag with your kids and watch them laugh (it’s contagious!) Make it intentional and it will become more natural.

Thank you for reading and have a humor-filled day!

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville