Category Archives: Addictions

11Jan 2012

Your Life as a Reality Show!

I’m amazed at how hooked we can get on being voyeurs into people’s lives! The popularity of watching reality shows about rich people, drugged up former rock stars, and people singing for a million dollar contract has replaced the once popular sit-coms we all enjoyed. I admit, I love peeking into the lives of the American Idol contestants and finding out what they are really like!

We often joke around here and about how our lives outside of session could be a reality show. We all really enjoy working together. We like to laugh together (often AT each other) and playing jokes on each other. When you think about it, our careers are pretty intense, listening to challenges all day long. So we need somewhere to let go and laugh. This is the place! And we actually think people would enjoy watching it! (Or maybe we would only enjoy it!)

This got me thinking about what if our lives were a reality show? Would we be embarrassed of our lives people don’t see? Now I don’t mean the day-to-day things we wouldn’t want people to see. Yes, we all go to the bathroom, make occasional noises we don’t want others to hear, and laugh at things we probably shouldn’t. But I mean how we LIVE.

Would you want your co-workers knowing that you go home and scream at your kids at night? Or that you go home and eat a bag of chips, washing it down with a box of Twinkies. Or would you want people at your church or parish knowing you view porn when your family goes to sleep or that you’ve gambled your retirement away? Those are the kinds of things I am talking about.

Now none of us would truly want to be followed around 24/7 with a camera. But in general, do you live your life the way you portray it? Or do you have double (even triple) lives?

It’s important to think about WHO we want to be and live that out in every area of our lives. I think that’s part of the problem. So many people aren’t sure who they are so they go thru life trying to figure that out by filling voids, trying things secretly to fill the void, and all the while feeling empty and still not knowing who they are.

If you feel this way, I encourage you to call us. Therapy is a safe, non-judgmental place where you can let someone see the reality show of your life without judgement or being afraid that you are hurting them. They can help you sort thru it, find the voids, and work on who you REALLY want to be.

So what’s your reality show??

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

03Aug 2011

Don’t be Defeated by Hurt

“I will not be defeated by the things that hurt me!”

I had a friend post this in her blog a few weeks ago. I was so inspired by her. If you knew her life story, you would be, too. But it is her story to tell. However, I will tell you that what inspired her lovely quote was being stung by a jellyfish!

My friend is a missionary in Africa. On a little getaway, she was enjoying a day at the beach when a jellyfish wrapped itself around her and stung her! I have to say, if this were me, I would still be at that beach screaming my head off with people trying to smack me out of it! But not my friend…..she got BACK in the water!

Because of what she has been thru, she has learned to face her hurts and fears head on. She realizes the importance of not letting her fears get the best of her and not letting the possibility of getting hurt make her quit. She knows when she is afraid, she needs to keep going. She has chosen to feel the fear and do it anyway!

I wonder how many of us miss out on things in life because we are afraid of being hurt. I do realize you can’t throw caution to the wind and you have to use common sense. I do also believe we need to learn lessons from our pain. But I am talking about the things that we are not doing, that we need to do or that would be good for us, because we are afraid of being hurt.

When someone has an excellent business opportunity, how many people don’t seek it because they are afraid of being rejected? I have seen friends who don’t seek love because they were wounded years ago in a relationship they never worked thru. I see people all the time who are afraid to be close to people because they might get hurt. Oh what wonderful relationships they will miss out on!

We all need to work thru our hurts so we aren’t afraid to be hurt. Once you begin working thru the hurt, you realize how strong you are and how much you can actually make it thru.

I’m so proud of my friend- not only for getting back in the water, but for what she has worked on in her life and conquered.

What hurts do you have that are defeating you?

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

11May 2011

How Building Trust is like a Credit Card

We work a lot with couples reconstructing their lives after an affair and also after a partner begins recovery from an addiciton. One topic that always comes up is how to regain trust. In both of these situations, deceit has been an issue and the partner wonders if they will ever be able to trust again.

In the beginning, we talk a lot about how important it is to put everything out on the table. We work with the couple to build trust again. If everything is not out on the table and lies are found out later, it sets the couple back tremendously.

I use a credit card analogy in my sessions to explain this. Hang with me here for a minute.

We all like to keep our cards at $0 balance, correct? When you share with your partner about an affair or addiction, you want to get yourself “out of debt” with them and start with a $0 balance so there are no surprises later. You want to actually start building credit (trust) by doing what you say you are going to do, allowing them to see what it is they need to see in order to know you are not lying, and giving them assurance of where you are at in your relationship together. When you lie to them or lie by omission, you actually dig into your account and go into debt. You don’t go back to a $0 balance, you actually go deeper into debt than you were when the affair/addiction came out. You not only have to start over, you have to “pay interest and late fees” now on your debt you have incurred. What do I mean by this? It is much more painful and there is a higher price to pay by lying now. This person is putting their heart back into your hands, hands that have hurt them. It is so important to respect that and give them what they need- honesty!

So if you are coming clean with something: an affair, an addiction, or maybe something from your past, please respect your partner and their pain enough to build some credit up in their account. Lay it all out on the table now in order to not reinjure them later.

Thank you for reading today. I hope you have a wonderful day!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville