Sometimes it can be painful watching clients make the changes they need to make to feel more healthy. It is always difficult to watch someone who struggles with people pleasing (and codependency) to start setting boundaries with people and get negative results. I know personally what that is like and it can feel defeating. Unfortunately, many times you will get negative results because people are not used to you saying no or disagreeing with them.
One thing I teach my clients is when you are struggling whether to say no or do something you really don’t want to do, picture how you will feel if you don’t do it. For example, if someone from your child’s school asks you to bake 10 dozen cookies and have them to the school by tomorrow morning, picture how your night will be if you do it and if you don’t do it. Then weigh in your mind which will be more painful; having that person be disappointed that you didn’t help or having the chaos and stress of making all the cookies? Usually when you think about it, not doing it is more rewarding than them not being disappointed in you. But we often immediately think that we can’t let that person be disappointed.
So next time you feel that pit in your stomach, you know, the one where you really don’t think it is best for you to do something, weigh your decision based on how you will feel later. You will grow and enjoy a more peaceful life by doing what is healthy for you.
For more information about codependency check out our group blogs this week.