The other day I had a major moment- one of those “oh my, where is time going” moments. I was playing with my boys at the park, feeling really tired and a bit over-heated. My 15 month-old wanted to climb up on the equipment that I wasn’t sure about. As I helped him, I suddenly flashed back to when my now almost 5 year-old was making the same attempts. I asked myself where is time going? It seemed only yesterday he was needing my help on the same equipment. As I thought that, I looked up as he was going down the tall “fireman pole”. Wow! It’s just too fast.
We can’t stop it. We are out of control. We can’t make it stand still even for a second. So all we can do is make the best of every moment. I realized in that moment, no matter how tired I was or how hot I was, I needed to hold even this simple moment in the park in my hand and make the most of it. Soon enough they will be too old to want to go to the park with me. Seize every moment- today!
We have an area in our yard that we don’t see very frequently. Last year one of our little boys played in it constantly so we kept it up very well. This year he is playing in a different area of our yard. The other day we went back to the old area and realized it was being overtaken by weeds- massive ones! So my husband and I decided to make this a part of our “stay-cation”- pulling weeds! I couldn’t believe all the weeds we had! We had to pull each one at the root to assure they wouldn’t come back. There was one weed that was so huge I literally asked my husband if he thought it might be a plant growing! The base was as big as a shrub! Neither of us could get it by pulling- we had to DIG it out!
As I was pulling the weeds I was thinking about how easy it is to let “weeds” get into our relationships. How often in our relationships do we just get busy living life and start taking for granted our partners. We will work on the relationship when the kids are a little bigger, when we have a less stressful job, when our finances are in order… We sweep little things under the rug until they are massive and can no longer be ignored. By this time we are so disconnected from our partners that we can’t even communicate this to them. We suddenly have what looks like a shrub instead of a small weed!
It is so easy to let this happen. It is so important to keep connected with our partners and communicate to them how we feeling in the relationship. If things get too out of control, marriage counseling can help you reconnect again and pull your weeds, one by one, until you are communicating again at a NEW and better level. Don’t let the weeds take over your relationship. As soon as you start seeing the weeds, get help, one by one.
I LOVE God winks- you know..those moments where you just know God is letting you know He is there, taking care of you, or even just thinking about you. Amazing! The almighty creator of the universe is interested in US knowing HE is thinking about us. Really cool, don’t ya think?
I have noticed the more aware I am, the more I see them. Check it out- if you don’t know what I am talking about, ask God for a God wink. He’ll give it to you and when He does, you will know what it is!
Usually when I drive, I am in a hurry. But a couple of years ago I read a book about patience (The Power of Patience- a GREAT book by the way!) and I started driving a little differently. I try to take my time along with taking some deep breaths. But the other day I was so frustrated! I was in a hurry and I noticed EVERYONE was driving slow! What was going on? What was wrong with everyone else?? Come on, hurry up! Then I suddenly realized…..hum, maybe it isn’t everyone else, Nat. YOU are the common denominator here. I started thinking about another time, in my car, when I kept smelling something really nasty! Why did I keep getting behind cars that stunk??? Only to realize later it was MY car stinking everything up! I was the common denominator.
I sometimes see this with family, clients, friends, and yes, even myself. Someone is on their 3rd wife, they have been fired from the 5th job this year, and their kids can’t stand them. Hum…What’s the common denominator? It is hard to see it in ourselves. But when we keep running into problem after problem (slow drivers, a stinky car, a stinky marriage), we need to do some introspection and see if maybe WE are the problem. You can only change what you admit. So before being mad at everybody else, ask yourself: “What’s the common denominator?”
I have had a Blackberry for 6 years- I LOVED it! During my workweek I was lost without it. I was like my own little secretary that did everything perfectly, exactly the way I wanted “her” to!! My husband, however, LOVES and I really mean LOVES his iphone. He is on his 3rd one! I couldn’t get it- what is the big deal? He finally convinced me I needed to have one of his that he no longer needed. I was SO afraid of the change. Some of my clients are laughing right now remembering my first week trying to schedule our appointments! I have been using it for 6 weeks now AND I LOVE IT!! Now this isn’t an iphone commercial- I am telling you this because I see now that I was afraid of the change. I was afraid I would be in the middle of an appointment or a phone conversation and not be able to do my job! I was afraid my “secretary” would not be loyal to me and do what I wanted when I wanted. But now, I feel so silly. “She” actually does what I tell her to and sometimes knows what I need before I know it!! (ok- now I am sounding like my husband with his iphone!)
The point is, we are all afraid of change- change in our schedules, change in our jobs, change in relationships. So we hold on to things because we would rather stick with what we know than something we don’t know- even if it might be better. I see this time and time again in relationships- particularly when a couple comes in before they are married. They may realize they are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole but they don’t want to change. They believe they can change that person. They don’t realize what could be on the other side might actually be a good fit! So they hold on to what they know. I often see them a couple years later with regrets.
I know personally that change is hard- not just with a silly phone- in real life. But I ask you- what are you holding on to because you don’t want to experience change? What might be on the other side? Go for it!! And check out the iphone!