Monthly Archives: November 2009

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17Nov 2009

Perfect Moments

Perfect Moments… I love them. Those moments when time stands still for just a moment and something is etched into your memory.

I first became aware of Perfect Moments when I read “Chasing Daylight” by Gene O’Kelly. It is an AWESOME book that I highly recommend. I started noticing them more and realized I have them many times a day- if I just pay attention.

Yesterday I felt so busy, as I usually do on Mondays. I am at home with my boys but also preparing for my week of work ahead of me. My 5 year-old wanted me to play Indiana Jones with him with his Nerf guns. I almost said, “Let me get a few things done first”. But instead I took a gun and began shooting! I am so glad I did. We had a perfect moment when I “shot” him with the rubber bullet and my 18 month-old about fell to the floor laughing. I just stopped and listened to his laughter for a second. It was so funny. Just pure, hearty laughter! I thought to myself- “Ah! A perfect moment”.

That made me start to think about perfect moments. I realize I have them all day long. When I come home from work and both boys come running to me and scream at the top of their lungs, “Mommyyyyyy”!- that’s a perfect moment. I have one when I check on my boys one last time before I go to bed and they are quietly, peacefully sleeping without a care in the world. I have one when I open my eyes for the first time in the morning and though I am tired and don’t want to get up, I thank God for another day to be alive. Then  when I roll over in my bed in and kiss my husband’s cheek and thank God for another day with him- that is a perfect moment.

Sometimes we can create them and sometimes they just happen. Do you live life aware enough to notice them? Do you let yourself get away from your schedule enough to create them? It makes life so much worth living. Seems to give more meaning and purpose to another hum-drum day. Have a Perfect Moment today!

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

12Nov 2009

What’s your climate?

So what’s the climate when you’re around? Is it nice, peaceful, and calm? Or is it chaotic, anxiety provoking, and full of turmoil? I think about this sometimes when I am around certain friends or family members. It’s like I prepare myself with my “raincoat” to shield myself from “the storm”. Know what I mean? Or I feel myself get anxious and try to gain some control when someone that is a tornado is coming thru.

I think it’s important to recognize what we are like to be around. I am not saying that we need to be what everyone else wants us to be or to be happy happy all the time. I just mean in general, what’s it like to be around you? Do people walk away feeling good and energized or drained and negative. How do people dress around you? Do they armour themselves to shield themselves from flying objects (hurtful words) or can they relax in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops? If it’s the former, you may want to try working on what makes you that way. Are you overly anxious, depressed, addicted? Might be time to work on some things so the weather’s not so nasty!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

05Nov 2009

Controlled Separation vs Divorce Part 2

In my last blog I talked about Controlled Separation. Many people want to know what a Controlled Separation actually looks like. Basically, the partners separate living space. If financially possible, one partner actually moves out. Or, if their are children involved, some couples choose to rent an apartment. When one partner is at the home with the children, the other partner stays in the apartment. This is great for the children in that it does not disrupt their living space. However,  this only works if the couple is amicable and can respect each other’s space when they are at the apartment and home of origin.

Then it is decided what will happen financially. Most money is frozen except for what is needed to live comfortably. This again takes a lot of trust and for some couples it is better to get legal counsel and draw up a separation agreement.

Child custody is usually split, unless one parent does not want the children for 50% of the time.

The goal is reconciliation so the couple is wise not to start dating other peaople. This just gets things more complicated and takes energy away from the goal of reconciliation.

The partners decide how much family involvement they will have together. For example, do they want to have dinner out one night a week together with the kids as a family?

The kids are told what is happening and that the goal is to get back together but no promises are made.

Sex is up to each individual couple and recommended ONLY if both partners feel comfortable. Usually in the beginning it is best to not have sex so the actual “space” between each other is felt.

Counseling is mandatory! This will not work without a coach and a contract between the couple.

These are just the major guidelines. There is a lot more to do this. For further information read “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by Lee Raffel

Natalie Chandler is passionate about doing marriage counseling as well as individual counseling at Imagine Hope Counseling Group.