Monthly Archives: January 2010

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27Jan 2010

Communicate with your spouse like you would a 2 year-old!

Yesterday I was at the grocery store with my son, who is almost 2 years old. He was so upset when we were leaving and trying desperately with his little vocabulary to tell me what was wrong. I was trying everything to understand him. I was looking around, asking him questions, and trying to get in his little head for a second to figure out what it was he was wanting.

On the way home I started thinking about the couples I see and also myself in my own marriage. If I would just try that hard to understand my husband when he is trying to communicate something to me! It is easy to get reactive or misunderstand, simply based on our beliefs, our past history, or simply lack of listening closely. I see this all the time in sessions with my couples. I continuously say, “Let’s slow that down and try to get in their shoes and understand what they are trying to say to you.” It is amazing the transformation that can happen in couples when they are able to do this. To really hear and understand each other. Sometimes they still don’t agree but being heard is what really mattered to them.

So the next time you are ready to react, take a deep breath, listen, and try to “get in your partners head” to see where they are coming from. By the way- he wanted an Elmo cookie!!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

13Jan 2010

God massaged my heart today

Something happened to me today that I just had to share with you all. I got a “God wink”! (please refer to my blog dated 8/26/08 for further explanation of  a God winks)

I was driving to work listening to my new favorite station KLOVE 101.9 (http://www.klove.com/). They were talking about the earthquake in Haiti and reading emails from some missionaries that had contacted them. I was saddened to hear more of the devastation and to hear a 1st hand experience. I wanted to cry.

Over the last couple of days my heart has felt heavy for several reasons: a friend going thru a difficult marriage, clients experiencing extreme amounts of grief and loss, and now the earthquake. They said on the radio, “If you don’t know what to do, pray!” So I started praying: for my friends, my clients, and the people of Haiti. My prayers quickly turned into a conversation with God that went something like the following:

“I don’t get it God. Are we here to suffer? There is SO much pain around me right now- everywhere- personally, at work, and in the world. I know it’s always here but today it feels so heavy. I know you are near but I feel so sad and I know people can’t feel you right now. We need to feel you!” As I pulled into our parking lot, “Healing Rain” by Michael W. Smith came on the radio. I sat in my car in the parking lot and listened to this song. As I reflected to the words of the song, I said to God out loud, “My HEART is heavy, God.”

I pulled myself together and walked into my office. I had 25 minutes before my first client. When I sat down to check my messages I started crying and could not stop. So I did what I coach my clients to do- stop, feel it, and work thru it. So I cried…and cried. Once I stopped crying, I picked up my phone and intended to begin working. I had a text from a friend. It read as follows:

“Hi Natalie. I just wanted you to know that you have really been on my heart this AM…In a big way. Praying for you especially that God tends to your HEART. ”  Can you believe that???? I felt God telling me that he heard me and was tending to my heart. I went on to tell her that I couldn’t believe her text and the timing and how heavy my heart was. She said, “Natalie, I want you to know that the image I received when praying for you this AM was the Lord holding your heart in His hands and massaging it!” I was floored!!! I can’t tell you the feeling I had knowing God was taking care of little ole me in this big hurting world. He  even heard my prayers and gave me something that gave me strength for my day. This was my God wink. God so lovingly massaged my heart today! Thank you, God, for the wink ;)

Thank you for reading and we’ll chat soon.

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

11Jan 2010

Creating Meaning from Pain

In Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning” he describes his life in a Nazi concentration camp and how he was able to actually create meaning from suffering while going thru such horrible circumstances. I cannot imagine having his mindset. But I believe he lived because he had his way of thinking.

I talk about this a lot with my clients who have gone thru horrible things. I encourage them to not just sit in the pain of the past. After they have worked thru the major issues and had some resolution, I then ask “Ok, now what can you do to help someone else who has gone thru this? YOU know what it’s like to be them. Who better to help them?” This not only helps other people who have been thru what they have but it also helps in their healing process as well. Part of why I do what I do professionally is because I have answered this difficult question. It is also what drives me with passion for what I do. I have been there.

So I ask you- what kind of meaning have you created from your pain? We all have been thru different issues. How can you help yourself and someone else further along their healing process?

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

05Jan 2010

Keeping New Year’s Resolutions

Many people set New Year’s resolutions each year, only to find themselves giving up or slowly fading by the end of January. I have been asked many times “How do you make it stick?”. I wrote an article you can read at http://www.tinyurl.com/ybaoduh but for a brief overview, here are some tips on how to keep your resolutions:

  1. Ask yourself “What do I want to see change in my life this year” rather than calling it a resolution. Setting resolutions has almost become a joke and something some of us do knowing we won’t keep them.
  2. Imagine what you would feel like, look like, act like if you met your goals
  3. Decide what you specifically need to do to make it happen in small steps
  4. WRITE IT DOWN
  5. Find someone to help hold you accountable
  6. Review your goals every day, week, or quarter pertaining to what your goal is

I hope you find this helpful. I wish you the very best for the New Year! Can’t wait to see what changes you make (and stick to!).

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.