Monthly Archives: March 2010

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25Mar 2010

God loves us when we’re messy!

I am not a morning person, ask anyone in my family! I have been forced to get better with this since I have been married and have had children. It’s not their fault I don’t like it, so I have learned to grin and bear it. But I have to say, one of my favorite parts of the day is when my kids wake up in that groggy, messed up hair, eyes half shut state. I always love to hug them right away and kiss their cute little curls on their head! They are just so precious at that moment. Now I know what’s coming down the pipe for the day- sibling fights, arguing about not wanting to take a bath, lots of yucky diapers! But at that moment, all is well!

A few weeks ago, I was listening to someone speak about how God loves us when we are messy. He seems to love us even more at those times when we are a mess. When we are going thru difficult times or when we are really getting to the heart of things and working thru our pain. Wow! I had never thought of that. I used to feel like the more messy I was, the more I was disappointing Him. But to think He is actually looking at me the way I see my children in the morning- with that gleam in his eye, thinking I look precious. That is so awesome! I am so glad He sees us in spite of our messes, that we often create, and loves us even more. He wants to hug us and kiss us on the head, even though we are a mess.

As I am writing this, I am also thinking about my clients. The couples I see are often defensive and ready to fight their partner when they come in. As they slowly let down their walls and let their partner see and experience their pain, they become more vulnerable and messy. It’s a wonderful time as a Therapist to see this transformation. All of the sudden, their spouse can see that raw part of them and actually feel empathy and compassion for their partner. You see a major shift in the relationship. All because they were willing to get messy with each other. Or the individual who comes in, finally lets out something they have been carrying for years, and cries their eyes out. With puffy eyes and running nose they are a mess. Yet they have a glow about them that makes them look more beautiful then before. Great things can happen when we get messy!

What relationships do you need to get messy in to reach a better place in your relationship? Your spouse? Your kids? Yourself? God? Get messy and see what happens!

Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful week!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

16Mar 2010

Anger, Speeding, and Patience is a Virtue

Today as I was taking my son to school, I noticed in my rear view mirror a woman who looked very angry and was talking/yelling, either to herself or to me. I was driving cautiously but not horribly slow- we were, after all, making a turn to get on the interstate with a huge semi in the other lane making the turn as well. I was being cautious. I thought to myself, “Wow- she needs to read our group blog this week on signs of Hidden Anger! Or maybe not- she wasn’t hiding it very well!” As we got on the interstate, she immediately crossed 2 lanes of traffic to go around all of us to get into the fast lane and sped away.

My son and I drove the speed limit, even though it was tempting not to. We were running behind today. We were driving maybe 5-6 miles down the road when I saw police lights ahead. As we passed I noticed the cute little silver Infiniti that had sped around us being pulled over by the officer. Ok, I am really sharing my unprofessionalism here when I tell you this. I said out loud but not with the window down, “Yayyy! See ya later!” My son asked who I was talking to. I said, “Remember the lady who sped by us earlier that Mommy said needed to slow down? There she is, being pulled over by the police officer!” I then explained to him how Mommy shouldn’t be happy because the lady got pulled over but that I was happy the officer was there to remind her she needed to slow down!” (wink wink)

I explained to him in a 5 year-old way that sometimes when you hurry, it ends up taking you longer. Slow down and be patient. I started thinking about how easy it is when we are angry to lose sight of that.  Anger takes on a life of its own inside us and breeds nasty behaviors like impatience, yelling at people unnecessarily, and just down right rudeness! But life always catches up with us in one way or another, whether it is a police officer pulling you over, or your dr. telling you that you are a risk for a heart attack.

It is important to keep our anger in check. Check out this week’s group blog on signs of Hidden Anger and see if you relate to any of them. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, Have a great week!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

08Mar 2010

What I Learned From Sugar

It has been 2 years since my sweet Sugar passed away. She was a 13 year old mixed breed dog that I had rescued as a pup. She had a battle with cancer that she fought every bit of the way. It was so hard for me to let her go. She had been with me through so much of my adult life. When she passed, I started writing a book about her. I wasn’t able to get a good start on it because I gave birth to my 2nd son 2 months later. I thought I would share with you the basis of what I was writing: What we learned from Sugar. Some of them are self explanatory and some I just have to share more. Sugar taught me to:

1. Exercise daily

2. Eat like there is no tomorrow (ok for us humans maybe every now and then eat this way!)

3. Laugh often

4. When life gives you lemons….eat them!

5. Forgive and don’t hold grudges

6. Instead of living your OWN way in a family, BECOME part of the family. Then Mommy gives you whatever you want anyway!

7. Don’t ever pass up on opportunity (for her it was food or to run!)

8. Everyone can be a friend (she greeted everyone with a smile and her tail wagging.Ok- we humans need to use some boundaries! ha ha)

9. Greet your family members like they have been gone forever- even if they just ran out for a minute! It makes them feel so special!

10. Love unconditionally. Sugar did not care if I smelled, if I was grumpy, or had just accidentally stepped on her tail. She still loved me!

11. Live every day and every moment to the fullest.

#11 was Sugar to her last moment. I had to make the unfortunate decision to put Sugar down. I just knew it was the right thing to do. She did everything but tell me she needed to go. I sat with her in our back seat as my husband drove us to the vet. Sugar was so weak we had to lift her in the car. She could barely stand. It was also chilly that morning- probably 30 degrees. As we were driving, Sugar raised herself up and stood by the window. She wanted to hold her head out the car window one more time. I rolled down the window and watched her with the wind blowing on her face, enjoy every bit of the ride. I told my husband that she was living life to the fullest, up to the last moment. And that’s how Sugar lived every day- like life was wonderful and should be lived like there is no tomorrow. She lived this wisely, however. She knew there would be consequences to just run away with wild abandon. She knew not to jump out of the car. She knew to live it but live wisely. I will never forget that moment and what she taught me. There is so much more we can learn from our furry family members! I do hope to one day finish my book. For now, I remember her.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs. I appreciate you all!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.