Monthly Archives: November 2010

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29Nov 2010

What are you grateful for today?

Last week we all celebrated Thanksgiving and hopefully you spent some time thinking of what you are grateful for. I had a moment this morning that I wanted to share with you regarding being grateful. I was cleaning up some papers and had some items to put into our “drawer” (you know, the one with the important papers that need to be filed drawer!). I had been kind of having a pity party in my mind this morning- I enjoyed having our family at our home for Thanksgiving but my house is a mess, my kids are off their schedule so they are grumpy, and I am on people overload! I had been complaining (in my head, of course) all morning about how tired I was, how I didn’t want to go to the grocery store, how tired I was of picking up toys and scrubbing walls that were scribbled on. Blah blah blah. Feeling nothing but sorry for myself. When I opened that drawer, I saw an envelope and opened it. It was the ultrasound pictures from our middle son, now two and a half years old. Those pictures took me right back to that day…….

My husband and I were SO nervous as we went to the Dr. I was only about 7-8 weeks pregnant. The last time we had made this Dr. trip at 6-8 weeks with a previous pregnancy, I miscarried. I remember thinking on this day of the ultrasound, “If this baby will make it I will never complain about being tired, not having enough time for myself, or being woke in the middle of the night!”. I know that wasn’t logical thinking but I just wanted this baby SO bad! Obviously, everything worked out, thankfully. I looked at those pictures today and saw his tiny little feet, hands, and arms. Arms that now hug us and hands that color on the walls! His little mouth that now says “I love you” and “NOOO”! I became suddenly grateful for the mess I GET to clean up this morning. I am grateful I am tired- that means I have children to wear me out! I am thankful I need to go to the grocery this am- I have mouths to feed and money to feed them. That moment, seeing those pictures, changed my thinking today.

I wonder how many things we take for granted in a day. We aren’t thankful for a warm shower until we run out of hot water. We aren’t thankful for a glass of water until we don’t have any water to drink. We complain about our job when so many are out of work. When we are out of work we would do anything to have that job back that we hated. We have so much. I know I fall into this every day. But not today….. today I am grateful. So grateful for so much. What do you have that you don’t realize? What are you grateful for?? Embrace what you have today!

Thank you for reading and have a GRATEFUL day!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

24Nov 2010

Go on vacation with me!

I have recently been enjoying listening to podcasts by Joyce Meyer. For those of you who don’t know her, she is a wonderful speaker and very relevant to today’s world. She has a funny, dry sense of humor that I love. The other day I had kind of been in one of my funk’s, getting mad (in my head, of course) at all the important people in my life, not doing what they were “suppose” to be doing (which is, of course, what I want them to do). I sat down to quietly enjoy my time alone with my ipad to listen to the podcast. I’m smiling, I’m laughing at her, enjoying it. Then she said something that hit me like a 2X4! She said, “Some of you need to go on a vacation- a vacation from trying to change everybody, fix everybody, and control everybody! You need to focus on YOU and YOUR responses to people and let God change them!” Whew! She was right! What I loved even more is that she gave a wonderful visual by sitting back in a beach rocking chair, sunglasses on, with an umbrella in the background! She looked so peaceful as she let her arms go to the side while she let everyone go!

This was a reminder to me that I need to work on ME, change ME, and change MY thinking/responses to and about people. Other people may not change but I don’t have to let them effect me. People are going to generally do what they want to and act how they have always acted. Why do I have to be in charge of changing them?? I don’t! It was freeing to let that go. It got me focused on what I CAN change and helped me even see how I was contributing to the problem that I was identifying in someone else. I was actually contributing to their misery and sitting around complaining (in my head) about how tired I was of them being miserable! Wow! What a moment for me!!

It would help us all to focus on what WE can change in ourselves- our thinking, our responses, and our behaviors. It frees us from the responsibility we put on ourselves to change and fix everyone else. Now every time I get to thinking about how someone needs to do this or I wish they would do that- I picture myself in that chair, taking a vacation from controlling, fixing, and changing. Then I ask what I can do to change or fix me. Go on vacation with me!!!

Thank you for your time today. I hope you have a freeing week!

Podcast: Joyce Meyer: Enjoying Everyday Life: Give God Your All Part 1 and 2

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

Location:N Keystone Ave,Indianapolis,United States

19Nov 2010

Great parenting tips from The Confident Mom

Today I had the wonderful opportunity of listening to a Confident Mom (@confidentmom, www.theconfidentmom.com) tele summit. Susan Heid gave wonderful tips from her Screamfree parenting approach. I thought I would share my brief notes of my take aways from the summit. For more info or to listen to the tele summit, visit her website or find her on Twitter and Facebook.

1. You can’t control your children- just focus on controlling you!
*You can control your responses to your kids, which will effect how they respond to you!

2. Take a PAUSE! Before you react, pause! (find your pause- everybody’s pause may be different)

3. Self-care is a must! If you don’t take care of yourself, you will feel overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed is a trigger for being reactive to your kids.
* She asked a profound question in response to self-care: What would it really look like if you loved your kids as little as you love yourself?? Wow! Ouch! I need to work on this!

4. Come up with house rules that apply to everyone
*Examples- certain words are not allowed, not hitting etc.
*Come up with 10- print them- list consequences for each broken rule
*When someone breaks a rule, go to the list and show them, initiate the consequence

5. Have a mission statement for parenting your home (I LOVE this one and am going to make this a goal to accomplish)

6. If you sacrifice your marriage for the sake of your kids you will sacrifice both! Enough said, Susan! So true!

7. The greatest lie is that you are responsible for our kids; Parents are not responsible for their kids but TO them. (Please see her website for this. She went into a lot of detail that made sense. I don’t want this taken out of context).
– kids have mind of their own
– need to learn responsibility for themselves
– different at different ages (at 2-still learning-so this will look different)
– when there is an opportunity, give your kids choices to empower them and teach
responsibility

8. You’re #1 role in the family is to be a calming authority.

9. All kids behaviors have a pattern and all patterns require 2 people- check yourself to see what role you play

10. Our biggest enemy as parents- our reactivity. It sets the tone of the environment.

Again, these are my NOTES! Please see her website for more info:
Susan Heid, The Confident Mom http://www.theconfidentmom.com

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

- Natalie Chandler
Imagine Hope Counseling

11Nov 2010

An amazing story told on You Tube

I heard an amazing story this morning on KLOVE radio. I really wanted to share it with you. The  You Tube video tells the story and inspired me even further this morning. I don’t think I need to add anything to it- the video speaks for itself. Enjoy!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

02Nov 2010

Keep doing what you’re doing= keep feeling like you’re feeling!

“If you keep doing what you’re doing, you are going to keep feeling how you’re feeling”. This is one of my favorite things I say to clients to get their attention. It makes so much sense, don’t you think? Why do we like to convince ourselves that maybe, just maybe it will be different if we keep doing what we are doing? Maybe if I continue to talk down to my spouse and withhold affection our relationship will get better. Maybe if I continue to spend money that I don’t have I will get out of debt. Maybe if I continue to not exercise and eat more than what my body needs I will lose weight. Maybe if I continue isolating myself I won’t feel lonely and will make friends. Maybe if I keep using drugs I will eventually get to that one high that I’ve been reaching for, even though it’s never happened. Maybe, just maybe, it will be different this time.

NO! If you are doing negative behaviors and feeling bad about it, you will continue to feel bad if you have that behavior. The problem is, I believe, people want to have the positive feelings BEFORE they change their behavior. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. You have to change the behavior first. And that takes work, usually lots of work because the behavior has more than likely become a habit. Did you know it takes 21 days of doing something over and over before it becomes a habit? That seems like a long time when it’s changing a behavior. But that is a good guideline to begin feeling differently and seeing yourself not struggle as bad with a behavior. There are exceptions, particularly with addictions that have been going on for a long time. It takes more than just stopping. You need additional help and support.

So, is there anything you keep doing and feelings that you keep feeling that you wish would go away? Is it possible you are thinking this way? Stop the insanity!!

Thank you for reading and have a great week!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.