Two weeks ago I gave a quick tip for men when their partners are hurting. Today I wanted to give a quick tip for women. This is something I have observed in my sessions and learned in my own marriage.
In the same way we women do not want to be “fixed” when we are hurting, in general, men do not want to “talk about their feelings” right away either. Again, this is in general. There are always exceptions.
When they are hurting, most men need some space. They need to go to their cave as John Gray in Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus so kindly put it. They need a little time to get away and think about things on their own. Usually after they do this, they are more able to tell you how they feel.
Because we are more emotional, and yes, we actually enjoy talking about our feelings, we think this is what they NEED! And if they don’t, they are pulling away from us. Usually this is more about us and our own insecurities than about them. When we perceive them pulling away, we start thinking and wondering if we did something or is he mad at me….. You know the drill- we start spiraling. But if we can give him his space, hopefully later he will be more open to talking (when we have created a loving, comfortable environment in our relationship).
Now a side note to men, in the same way you may need to be reminded from time to time to not fix us, it would help tremendously if you could let us know you need some space but would be willing to talk later. Then we can feel a little more confident that “WE” are okay and it’s something you need to work thru. Thank you- that helps a lot!
Let me know if these tips have been helpful. If so, I have plenty of them. One wonderful perk of my job- I get to learn what to do and what NOT to do in relationships!
Thank you for reading and again, for the comments I get each week via email/blog. I appreciate you all.
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville