Monthly Archives: June 2012

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20Jun 2012

Learning to Manage Feelings

Feelings…..

We all have them. We like them, we hate them. We welcome them, we push them away. Good, bad. Happy, sad…. Feelings.

Our problem isn’t our feelings. It’s how we manage them. They are part of life- no way around it. We were created with feelings. Our feelings tell us something is up.

Happiness tells us things are well. We are enjoying life or a circumstance.

Sadness tells us we have lost something or someone. Or other unfortunate events have influenced our feelings.

Anger lets us know something doesn’t feel right- we are hurt, scared, or frustrated. We need to deal with those painful feelings.

Feelings are within us, meant to be listened to.

So why do we try to fight them away? So much of our energy goes in making them disappear. I wonder if we just learned to manage them, instead of them controlling us- I wonder if we would feel different. We could acknowledge them, feel them as they come and then let them go (repeat cycle as necessary). Then we would have more energy to do what we are in control of to change our circumstances (when this is possible- sometimes it’s not).

I wonder if our negative feelings would not be as strong if we didn’t fight so hard.

With anger- accepting that it is natural and discover what is underneath to manage it.

Sadness- allow ourselves the permission to grieve a loss or feel disappointed.

Happiness- living in the moment, savoring every morsel of it- and purposely working to create more.

I want to encourage you to not run from your feelings or use up too much energy to change them (when you can’t).

Recognize
Accept
Feel
Do something to change it (if you can).

This is managing them rather than letting them control you.

Thank you for reading and have a great day.

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

13Jun 2012

Happy Father’s Day- A Tribute to My Dad

Father’s Day brings up a lot of emotion for many people. Every year, I feel sadness for my Best Friend who lost her Father to cancer 9 years ago. I know it’s a hard day for her. Many of my clients feel hurt, betrayed, unloved, and abandoned by their Fathers. My heart goes out to them as well.

I have always appreciated and loved my Dad, but I think because I see how much pain the loss of a Father can bring, I appreciate him even more.

Today I want to honor my Dad because of the wonderful person he is. I honestly do not know a more kind and loving person. I was blessed to have many positive memories of my life growing up with him that have fostered into a friendship now as adults. I remember him playing wrestling with the 3 of us, which is funny because we are all girls. But he would get on the floor and tickle and wrestle us as we laughed and giggled till our bellies hurt. He would go out in the yard and throw the softball with us. He taught me how to swim and to ride a bike. My Dad worked in a factory, often double shifts, so I know he had to have been tired. Sometimes when I am worn out from work and want to just “sit” when I get home, I think of my Dad in that hot factory with long hours. I somehow muster up the energy to play “Tickle Monster” with my little ones!

My Dad was a very understanding Father. He loved and still loves each of us unconditionally. I’ll never forget when I was a teen, I had some issues I was struggling with that I was afraid to tell him about. I was so fearful of how disappointed he would be in me and how maybe he would think differently of me. However, I never once doubted he would still love me. When I ended up telling him and my Mom about my issues, they both immediately started helping me get the help I needed. They did not shame me or yell at me. They just showed me unconditional love.

The most important thing my Dad modeled for me was his Faith. My Dad has unbelievable Faith! He showed this in his life and in our family over and over and over again. I remember seeing him rise early before he had to leave to work (and the factories start early you know!). He would be at our table, praying and reading his Bible. I know that took a lot of discipline and dedication, yet he always seemed to be enjoying it. He is a man of prayer and I really appreciate that!

It is so fun to see my Dad now being an awesome “Papaw” to my kids. They think the sun rises and sets because of him! Even though his back is sore, he’s worn out, and beat down from life sometimes, he still wrestles with them almost every time they ask him (and that’s a lot!). He takes time to teach them about life and piggyback the values and morals we are trying desperately to teach.

I know every person has their faults. My Dad admittedly has them. But it seems we hear so much negative about Fathers, I wanted to remind people there are good ones out there also! Thank you for letting me brag on mine for a moment. And Dad, thank you for being you and being the best Dad a kid could ever ask for. I love you!

For every Father out there, I want to wish you a wonderful Father’s Day. Being a Father is the most important privilege you will ever have. I honor you and respect you for the huge task you are given. Thank you for reading!

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

06Jun 2012

Do Our Fears Actually Happen?

It is amazing how HUGE fear is for so many people. Many of us make decisions, assumptions, and mountains out of molehills due to fear. We create monsters in our heads about what we think “might” happen, convincing ourselves it will be so.

Think about it- what anxiety have you experienced today? Was it over a fear? I bet it was.

I get caught it the same trap. A few weeks back, my BFF and I decided we wanted to do a “for your health” detox. We wanted to work on ridding our bodies of the things that are not good for us: sugar, flour, gluten…all those no no’s that we fill our body with. We wanted to do it for our health but also to see how we would feel.

Our anxiety started rising as we started thinking about what life would be like without sugar. Not just desserts but how it is in everything! We started reading labels and realized we would be without salad dressing, cereals we enjoy, and even our “healthy” snacks were full of it! Starbucks would be a no-no (tears…) We finally set a date and began counting down the days. We said good-bye to our yummy tummy filling friends. Ok, we were being little dramatic here…ok.. A LOT dramatic!

As we started the detox, the first day wasn’t too fun. We felt tired and had cravings. But we noticed by day 3 we were feeling good. Actually had a little energy and felt better. We soon realized that we had worried about nothing. Something good was actually happening. The negative that was going into our bodies was now being replaced with more mindful and positive foods. We were fine! We COULD live without that junk (not that we want too!) We had spent 3 weeks fearful of 10 days that were fine! Needless time and energy- wasted on nothing.

This made me think about how much we worry about that doesn’t actually happen. Did you know 92% of what we worry about never happens? And the 8% is rarely as bad as we thought it would be!

I truly believe this statistic. When I think about what I worry about, it rarely happens.

The next time you start worrying about something or being fearful- remind yourself- 92% and tell yourself you will worry about that later! Statistics show it probably won’t happen anyway!

Thank you for reading and have a fearless week!

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville