Kill em with kindness

I’m still hanging on! 2 days, 1 hour, and 45 minutes until my due date!! We are really excited and I can’t tell you how much I am enjoying my week off with the boys. It was a great decision that I am grateful I made. Today we went to the sprinkler park. I HAD to tell you about this incidence. I can just see some of you laughing out loud as you read this.

We were very excited when we got to the park today because it was an overcast day and we were about 1 of 5 families there. My 5 year-old jumped right in but my 2 year-old was VERY hesitant and fearful. He didn’t like getting splashed. It actually took me 2 hours of patiently de-sensitizing him. He did finally get in and LOVED it! To the point of crying when we left. The kind of funny thing that happened occurred when we first got there. As I mentioned, my little one was scared and I was working with him to get used to it. Suddenly a young boy, approximately 7 years old, came over to us and was about to throw a BIG bucket of water on my little guy! I caught him and said politely, “Could you please not do that. He is still trying to get used to it.” He looked at me and said, “No”. I couldn’t believe it! He then turned to my older son and aimed it at him. I raised my voice and became stern and said, “Hey, don’t do that! They are still trying to get used to it, ok?” He looked me straight in the face and said in a snotty tone, “No!” Ok- those of you that know me know that I am a Mama Bear! I can’t tell you the thoughts that ran thru my mind. I won’t write them to protect my reputation! But I will say I saw myself have an “Ally McBeal” moment- you know- where she used to see herself do things she would never do? I saw myself take that bucket, dump it over his head, and then knock him to the ground with it! But instead, I said, “Could you please show me who your Mom is? I would like to speak with her.” He said, “No. I’m not telling you!”.  I said, “Ok boys, let’s go to a different area where we won’t be bothered”.

We played in another area and he proceeded to run around, chasing young kids with his bucket, as they tearfully ran from him. I couldn’t believe it. Where was his mother?? There weren’t even that many people there, so how could she miss what was going on? I tried to focus on my own kids but it was difficult. I spoke with a Grandmother who was there with her little Granddaughter. She said that he was out of control and had been bullying all the kids. Then, the moment happened that changed the day! Now everyone knows you do not let your kids run at the sprinkler park. It is wet cement and an accident waiting to happen. That is another important reason to watch your kids, because they forget to not run. So as we are having a great time playing, well, still getting the little guy used to it, we hear a loud thud and scrape across the cement. I turn around to see our little bully friend laying on the cement, holding his legs, and crying. I waited a minute to see if his mother would appear to help him. She didn’t. I have to admit, I had to think about the right thing to do. A part of me felt like he got what he deserved. But the more human/mommy part of me wanted to help. So, I kindly walked over to him and said, “Would you like to tell me who your Mommy is now?” He nodded and thru his tears pointed and said. “The one in the blue shirt.” Oooohhh, that explains it- the one with her back turned to the sprinkler area! The one chatting with 5 other women oblivious to what was going on. Hey, I have to give it to her, she wasn’t on her phone!!! I politely went over to her and said, “Your son fell, is hurt, and asking for you.” She said, “Thank you” and went over to him. The Grandparent that I had been talking to earlier said, “You’re a lot nicer than I would have been!”.  I said, “You know, sometimes you have to kill em with kindness. I really want my boys to learn to be kind and they were watching.”

I have to admit, I thought for a split second about not being kind. But where would that have got me today? What would my boys have thought? It’s so important to live what we teach them. I talked with my son about it on the way home. We talked about removing yourself from bully situations if you can, being kind even when others aren’t, and “what comes around goes around”. It was a lot of lessons for my 5 year-old to take in but I think he at least got the kindness part.

So the next time you’re at the point of decision whether to be kind or not, remember what comes around goes around. We ended up having a LOVELY day. The sun came out, my little guy got in the sprinkler, and bully boy…..he literally sat out with his Mama the rest of the afternoon!!

Thanks for reading.

*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.