Today I had the wonderful opportunity of listening to a Confident Mom (@confidentmom, www.theconfidentmom.com) tele summit. Susan Heid gave wonderful tips from her Screamfree parenting approach. I thought I would share my brief notes of my take aways from the summit. For more info or to listen to the tele summit, visit her website or find her on Twitter and Facebook.
1. You can’t control your children- just focus on controlling you!
*You can control your responses to your kids, which will effect how they respond to you!
2. Take a PAUSE! Before you react, pause! (find your pause- everybody’s pause may be different)
3. Self-care is a must! If you don’t take care of yourself, you will feel overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed is a trigger for being reactive to your kids.
* She asked a profound question in response to self-care: What would it really look like if you loved your kids as little as you love yourself?? Wow! Ouch! I need to work on this!
4. Come up with house rules that apply to everyone
*Examples- certain words are not allowed, not hitting etc.
*Come up with 10- print them- list consequences for each broken rule
*When someone breaks a rule, go to the list and show them, initiate the consequence
5. Have a mission statement for parenting your home (I LOVE this one and am going to make this a goal to accomplish)
6. If you sacrifice your marriage for the sake of your kids you will sacrifice both! Enough said, Susan! So true!
7. The greatest lie is that you are responsible for our kids; Parents are not responsible for their kids but TO them. (Please see her website for this. She went into a lot of detail that made sense. I don’t want this taken out of context).
– kids have mind of their own
– need to learn responsibility for themselves
– different at different ages (at 2-still learning-so this will look different)
– when there is an opportunity, give your kids choices to empower them and teach
8. You’re #1 role in the family is to be a calming authority.
9. All kids behaviors have a pattern and all patterns require 2 people- check yourself to see what role you play
10. Our biggest enemy as parents- our reactivity. It sets the tone of the environment.
Again, these are my NOTES! Please see her website for more info:
Susan Heid, The Confident Mom http://www.theconfidentmom.com
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
- Natalie Chandler
Imagine Hope Counseling