Tag Archives: Serving Others

10Oct 2012

Save Me From Me!

This weekend, I listened to a message that has resignated with me since the moment I heard it. It was about serving others.

The significance of serving others in our lives is important no matter what spiritual/religious beliefs or non-beliefs we have. To help, encourage, give to, or be kind each other is the golden rule.

This speaker spoke of some wonderful facts I want to share:

1. Serving others creates a personal happiness booster. Serving makes us feel good- about ourselves and also for humankind. It reminds us there is good in the world- despite what we see everyday.

2. 5 random acts of kindness a week shows a measurable boost to one’s mental health.

3. Elderly couples increase their life span when they serve.

4. There is a lower risk of depression in young people who serve.

5. The greater frequency of serving shows greater overall benefits of health.

These benefits alone make me want to take the day and help others!

Most importantly, the big lightbulb moment for me was when the speaker said, “The greatest benefit from serving is it rewards me by saving me from me!” Wow! Yes, although there are great benefits for ourselves for serving, but ultimately, it puts the focus onto someone else other than my favorite person in the world….ME! If I don’t serve others and only think of me, I will drown in this world full of consumerism, entitlement, and selfishness. Serving can help save me from this.

What is one thing you can do this week to serve others? Is there a neighbor in need? Take them dinner one night- it’s not hard to double the recipe! What about your local homeless shelter or humane society? They always need an extra set of hands. Your local church, synagogue, temple, or school can always use volunteers, too. There are endless possibilities.

And those 5 random acts of kindness can easily be done in a day! Hold the door open for someone. Let someone go ahead of you in line. Look someone in the eyes and say, “hello” instead of looking down. All of these things are acts of kindness.

Save me from me…..Please, God, save me from me….

Message heard at www.northviewchurch.us October 7, 2012

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

28Sep 2011

Codependency vs Serving Others

Thank you very much for your emails and discussions you’ve shared with me regarding “serving others” over the past couple of weeks. I have a question that often comes up with this topic. I get it a lot when I am teaching clients about codependency. I teach them how important it is to not overextend yourself too much for the wrong reasons. For example: never saying no because you don’t want others to be mad at your or think bad of you. Or doing doing doing for others without ever taking time for yourself and taking care of your own health, both physically and mentally.

So the question I get when I start talking about serving others and Codependency is, “Where do you draw the line between serving others, as Christ called us to, and being Codependent?” Now before you tune me out because you may not want to read about Christ, this can go for all areas of spirituality. Most every kind of “religion” calls us to be kind and love others. This can speak to you as well.

I will attempt to answer the question:

When you serve in a Codependent way, your motives are different and you feel different about it. Your motive is usually to please others, get their approval, have them like you, to avoid conflict etc. You often feel you can not do enough or be enough, so you keep doing and doing. Usually your feelings end up in frustration. You feel unappreciated and that no one ever returns your “favors” and does anything for YOU. You often feel resentful and have a hidden anger that pops its ugly head when you have these feelings.

When you serve from a servants heart, and how Christ calls us to serve (to be like Him), you serve because you WANT to! You think of something to do for someone and you can hardly wait to do it. Sometimes you don’t even care if they know you did it because it’s about them, not you! You don’t have to pull up enough energy to do it, you are energized by doing it. You can truly feel love in your heart for that person and you want to express it.

See the difference? One is from the heart, the other is to fill the heart to avoid a void. The really neat thing about serving is it actually does fill your heart- with joy, peace, and more love. That’s so much better than anger, resentment, and frustration.

So when you are wanting to serve and you are on that line- not sure whether you are being Codependent or Christ-like, ask yourself:
Am I doing this because I want to or feel I have to?
Am I angry/resentful about doing it?
Am I expecting something in return?
Is this about me or them?
I think you get the picture.

Let me know if you have any other questions about this. Thanks again for reading and have a GREAT day!

Natalie K Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Fishers, Carmel, Zionsville, and Noblesville.

21Sep 2011

How to Help Others When There’s a Crisis

Before I begin my blog topic for today, I just had to share something wonderful! Do you remember back in July (28th to be exact) when I wrote about “Racheal’s 9th Birthday Wish”? I was inspired by a little girl who made a wish and then passed away in a car accident. If you haven’t, you can read how she challenges each one of us to “Outlive our Lives”! i just wanted to update you that as of this AM on KLOVE radio, she has raised 1.2 million dollars to build wells for people without water!!! Isn’t that amazing?? Her goal was $300! I was in tears…again!!!

This week I wanted to talk to you about how to help people thru a time of crisis in their lives. Currently, I have a few friends who are in a lot of pain. Their pain both saddens me and inspires me. I am amazed by their strength! I have a friend whose husband has a brain tumor- they find out today if it’s cancerous. In the midst of that, another friend’s father passed away. Additionally, I have a close friend whose niece was in a car accident in February. She sits vigilantly by her bedside to comfort her still, as everyone else’s lives have gone back to normal. There is a lot of pain and it’s all very close to home. I’m so sorry to each of these friends whose lives are in chaos and pain, daily.

One thing I am grateful for is that this time, when my friends are struggling, I feel I have a better handle on how to help. I’ve always been one to say, “If I can do anything, let me know”. When I went thru the struggle with my niece in the ICU in June, I realized how nice this statement is, but how it puts the responsibility on the person who is in crisis to let you know what to do. I remember when I was at the hospital day and night with her and people would say this. I thought to myself, “How do I tell them I need someone to do my laundry so my kids have clean underwear tomorrow?! How do I ask them to go to the grocery for me because we are out of milk and my husband’s at home with the kids and I won’t leave here till midnight?” For one, you are in such a crisis mode that you don’t know WHAT you need. And two, how do you ask these things?

So I realized thru this, you don’t ask- you TELL the person what you will do for them. You say: “I’m going to the store. Please make a list of what I can pick up. I’d like to do your laundry- how can we arrange this. I’m bringing a meal over tonight, is chicken ok?” That takes so much off of them. I’m so grateful that I learned this so I knew what to do thru these crisis’s with my friends. I am hoping this will help you, too.

Here are some ideas to help your friends when they are in need:

1. Cook a meal for them! What a gift!
2. Offer to run errands, go to the grocery etc.
3. Offer to clean up their house or throw a load of laundry in.
4. Watch their kids so they can have a break or if someone is hospitalized, so they can visit the person together.
5. Offer to take care of pets, pick up mail etc.
6. Mow their lawn (and don’t tell them you did it! How wonderful to think you have to get that done and someone does it for you.)
7. Offer to take out their trash on trash day
8. If they are sitting and waiting at a hospital, and they want visitors, bring them a Starbucks or something to cheer them (Thanks, Tammy! I got this idea from you- it meant so much!).
9. Give them a gas card if they are traveling to and from a hospital or to a home to take care of someone who is sick.
10. DO NOT try to fix the problem by saying things like, “It will be ok or Don’t get so upset.” Just listen and allow them to tell their stories. Listen and offer encouragement.
11. Most importantly, PRAY! It is so hard to gather the words to pray when we are hurting or in crisis. Do this for them, when you think of them, pray, pray,….and pray again!

This list isn’t exhaustive by any means. Please feel free to add more in the comments.

It is in our times of need that we actually realize why friendships and relationships are so important. It is at this time that we lean on them for comfort and strength. Keep this list handy so you have the ideas readily available should the need arise.

Thank you so much for your time. I value each and every person who reads my blogs. Have a blessed day. And to my struggling friends…. I am praying for ya!!!!

Natalie K Chandler, MA, LMHC, LCAC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Fishers, Carmel, Zionsville, and Noblesville.