IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
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We all have dreams throughout life that we think “If only this would happen, life would be perfect.” That dream being fulfilled is our answer for contentment and our signal to actually start living and loving our lives.
Whether it is having the perfect relationship, a better job, a certain amount of money, a bigger house, or kids that behave, we all have ideals that “if only” they happened life would be good.
But how often are those dreams actually fulfilled? Are they even realistic or attainable? The problem is we sit around waiting for these dreams to come true and in the mean time life passes us by.
- I love the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. The following is a quote from this book, which depicts this concept:
“Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time- when pursued like a bandit- will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you’re banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won’t. You have to admit you can’t catch it” (p 155).
I’m not saying we should stop dreaming; I am saying we need to stop chasing unattainable dreams that leave us unhappy if they don’t come true. Just remember the danger of chasing the life of your dreams too hard. You might end up loosing your chance to live it.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: contentment
Posted in Goals | No Comments »
No marriage is perfect.
No spouse does everything just the way you would like it.
How often do you take time to do a “review” for your marriage? Most jobs have a yearly evaluation or review that helps you focus in on positives and areas of improvement. This can be a great motivator and gets employees paying attention to goals.
How awesome would it be to do the same in your marriage! Take time to look at yourself and spouse and focus in on positive areas, then make some goals around areas of improvement.
I asked the question once of my husband, “What is something you want me to work on to be a better wife to you?” I was pleasantly surprised by the response. It was something so small that I was totally unaware of. It would never have been on my radar to do differently. I can imagine had he not shared, that this tiny little shift in my action might grate on his nerves every time I did it.
I know he never would have cared enough to say something because it isn’t “that big of a deal”. But as his wife I now am consciously aware of this simple shift I can do to show my love.
Doing some sort of review together can help you both point in the direction of a closer and connected relationship. Be careful not to make a long laundry list of complaints. Just hone in on a few areas that are specific with goals.
If doing a review feels too formal, ask the question I did. You might get an answer that opens your eyes to what your spouse needs to feel more loved.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in marriage, Marriage Counseling | No Comments »
I hear A LOT of excuses.
- But it’s who I am…
- I can’t help it…
- It’s too hard…
- I don’t have time…
- I don’t know how…
- But it’s natural…
I’m sure you’ve said many of them in your life, especially when faced with a difficult trial.
The last excuse I mentioned always strikes me. If we rely on “what’s natural” for us, we are in BIG trouble in life. Our human instincts will lead us down a path of destruction if we only do what feels natural.
Just because something is “our norm” doesn’t mean it is ok to do. Think about all the natural instincts we have… greed, selfishness, manipulation, jealousy. The list could go on and on. Going with what is natural can hurt yourself and many people around you.
Think through what you say and do. Be intentional with your words and actions. Don’t just let your life be tossed by the wind of what feels natural. It could be a way to avoid facing issues that need addressed in your life. Take back your life today and look at the excuses that are blocking you from a healthier life!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Healthy Living | No Comments »
There have been a lot of projects going on at my house lately! One weekend I was painting the kitchen while my husband was working in the yard.
As my kids were playing in the next room in a giant sized box, I was eavesdropping on their conversation and this is what I heard:
My 3 year old daughter: “I’ll stay inside painting and you go work out there.”
My 5 year old son: “Ok. I’ll go work on the bushes.”
I smiled at how cute it was that they were playing us…then it hit me like a TON of bricks. THEY WERE PLAYING US!
When I shared this story with my husband, he said, “We better check ourselves. They are watching.” How true. Kids are always watching. They pick up tiny habits, sayings, attitudes, and beliefs- good and bad- just from watching the people around them.
Do you “check yourself” when your kids are watching? What things are you teaching them when you aren’t paying attention? You never know what they will hear and see, so it is good to be who you want them to see ALL the time.
Remember parents…You are leading them and they will follow. Choose your path carefully.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Faith-Based Living, Family Issues, Parenting | No Comments »
Couples go through many stages. Some are intense and connected, some are stuck in a rut, and others are enjoyable, but lack depth.
Do you find your relationship operates well on the surface, but lacks a deeper connection? If so, these tips will help.
Tip #1: Invest time in your relationship: When you get stuck in the daily grind of life, you might miss valuable chances to have a deeper connection. Set aside a time several days a week of uninterrupted time to connect.
Turn off the TV and unplug all your electronic devices that can be distracting, and put all your focus on your partner. Remember that 20 minutes 3 times a week can make a big difference. It’s not going to change if you don’t put the time and effort into it.
Tip #2: Get to know your partner for who they are today: When couples start dating, they spend tons of time getting to know their potential mate, but over the years they tend to stop because they think they know every thing about each other.
Have you changed since you started dating?….Yes of course! Make sure you take time to get to know who your partner is at every turn in life.
What do they think and how do they feel about things happening around them and in the world? Have their likes and dislikes changed? What pushes their buttons now compared to then? Relationships take a nosedive when a partner doesn’t feel like you even know them anymore, so staying on top of this will bring on a deeper care and understanding of your partner.
Tip #3: Dream Again: Remember the days when you shared your hopes and dreams? Have you stopped dreaming or stopped sharing your dreams with your partner? Sharing your goals and aspirations can bring a new vision to a relationship. It confirms your commitment to your partner and that you want them to walk along side you as you make your dreams a reality.
Make sure the message is clear when you share about your partner’s role in the dream. Leaving them out of it might come across that you don’t picture them as part of it and could look selfish.
Tip #4: Resolve Conflict by Dealing with the Root Issue: When something sets you off, it is important to take a step back and look at what is going on in you emotionally that your partner needs to hear and understand.
If you focus on the surface things like dishes, dirty clothes, or spending habits, your partner may not truly understand WHY you are struggling. Make sure you communicate WHY things bother you in a way they can hear you.
Be vulnerable, not aggressive. For example, “Because we have talked about the dishes tons of times, I don’t feel heard or respected when dishes continue to not get put in the dishwasher. I don’t feel cared for, close to you, or that my opinion is important when this happens.”
Communicating in this deeper way can help your partner know your struggles. This prevents you from coming across as a nag and having blow up conflicts. Be careful to not use the word “YOU” very often, which will invite defensiveness. Use “I feel____” in order to help them truly understand what the surface issues are triggering inside you.
If it seems like there is something that is blocking the connection from happening, you might need to sit down with a qualified marriage therapist to help you sort through things.
Relationships are most fulfilling when you feel connected. Get started on some of these tips and you will be on the road to a stronger and deeper connection!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Do you have a constant conversation in your head? Do you ever slow down to listen to it?
Funny concept, huh? But in reality most people are so used to the chatter in their head, that they have no clue how much they are listening to it and reacting to it.
For example, if Jane is talking to her husband and he seems distracted and uninterested. Jane might say this in her head… “Seriously? Does he even care? All I want is to get him to connect with me and he isn’t even listening. He is so annoyed by me. I wonder if he even loves me anymore.” Then when he asks her something later, Jane might react with a cold, negative tone because she thinks that he thinks all of the things she just said in her mind are true.
Did you catch the confusion? “She thinks that he thinks….” Mind reading is dangerous and can lead to miscommunication and a lot of hurt feelings that are rooted in assumptions- not truth.
So be careful when the chatter starts down a mind reading path. You might end up with heart ache from listening to the voices. Instead tell the voices to quiet down and talk to the other person about how you feel and what you need from them. Clearing up assumptions is always a better path!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Codependency, Communication, marriage, Stress | No Comments »
I…ME…MINE… Such narcissistic words aren’t they?
The world revolves around Me. My time line. What I want. My goals and dreams.
It is hard to be in a relationship with someone who has a mindset filled with those words. This kind of person mostly looks out for their own best interest. They can seem selfish and lack empathy for a partner. It might feel like their partner isn’t even a partner because they don’t get much of a say so.
A healthy relationship mindset is not as much I, Me, and Mine, but it’s more YOU, US, WE, and OURS.
Being in a healthy relationship means you have to get out of your own world and think about the best interest of the relationship- not just yourself. It’s not ALL about you!
Healthy connected relationships require some self-sacrifice and compromise.
Do you think like a narcissist in your relationship? I challenge you to shift your thinking to You, Us, We and Ours for one day and see the difference it could make. Your partner might do a double take!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in marriage, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
I recently read a blog on generis.com that struck me as I learned a good lesson about greed and the dangers of holding on to something too long from baboons! Here is a segment of their blog:
“A television documentary on animal life in Africa was demonstrating how the natives of Africa have learned to find water during the dry season. A native first located a colony of baboons. Certain that the baboons were watching, the African dug a small hole in a dirt embankment. He then placed a handful of fruit inside.
Baboons, it seems, are incurably curious, so as soon as the native returned into the jungle, one baboon quickly approached the hole. Seeing the fruit inside, the baboon stuck his hand into the hole and grasped the tasty morsel. The African hunter had skillfully carved the hole just large enough to allow the animal’s hand to enter but, when clasped around the fruit, the hand could not be withdrawn.
The native then returned from the concealment of the forest with a small rope in his hands. Amazingly, as the man approached, the baboon shrieked in terror but refused to release the fruit and run for its life. I found myself moving to the edge of my chair as this drama unfolded. I expected the animal to bolt and run for its life but, incredulously, the native casually strolled up to the panic-stricken animal, laid the noose over the animal’s neck, and pulled him away.
The animal was then tied to a tree, given salt, and held captive for a couple of days without water. As soon as it was released, the baboon made a beeline for its secret waterhole. The native simply followed the thirst-driven animal and found the water he would never have found without the animal’s unwitting assistance.” (See source below)
Do you relate to the baboon? Do you find yourself holding on to things so tightly that you put yourself in harms way because you are scared to let go?
Sometimes in life we have to let go and lean into change in order to protect and save ourselves. Remember you can’t control anything but yourself. Learn from the baboon’s mistakes and start letting go of dangerous things in your life!
Source: http://generis.com/blog/2012/05/21/what-a-baboon-taught-me-about-greed/
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Fear, Goals | No Comments »
Are you a “Wisher”? Do you dream big dreams and sit around “hoping” they will come true?
What do you do with those wishes and dreams? Do you make adjustments in your life to create a way for them to happen? Or do you hope a genie in a lamp will poof them into your life?
It is foolish to just “hope so” and not make change. You have to DO SO if things are going to be different!
In a Proverbs 31 devotional, Lysa Terkeurst said, “The space between my reality and my expectations will only change if I do.” This is so true…I have to change if my reality is going to change.
Are you willing to make change? Maybe it’s too scary? Maybe you don’t know where to start so you just don’t.
I encourage you to start small and take one step at a time towards your goals and dreams. Having all or nothing thinking will get you in trouble and end in self-sabotage.
If you want things to change…the change has to start with you. Take steps on a journey of change today!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Healthy Living | No Comments »
I came across a quote by Renee Swope that hit the nail on the head about emotional hurts:
“Any time we bury a hurt alive, it will keep rising up from the dead to disturb us.”
Isn’t this true? How many times do we think we have gotten over a wound by ignoring it? Nature has a crazy way of healing itself doesn’t it?
Our wounds will haunt us if we do not process the pain, forgive the offender, and learn the lesson/ take away from the wound.
This process is painful and often times scary for most people. But if we ignore the pain of a hurt, it will keep coming back over and over until the pain is healed.
Healing is a difficult process. It means facing issues and often more pain before relief comes. But the freedom of being able to heal and forgive is amazing. Healing and forgiveness does not mean that you are okay with the offense or the offender. It also doesn’t mean that you have to continue putting yourself in harms way to be re-wounded by the same person.
Healing is about you and for you to experience freedom from the wound instead of it being a strong hold in your life.
If you need help getting rid of the “ghosts” of your past, contact one of our therapists. We will guide you down the path of healing and put the wound to rest!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Renee Swope
Posted in Abuse, Affairs, Family Issues, Healthy Living | No Comments »
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