IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
Imagine Hope Counselor
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Muscle memory is an amazing thing. Our body gets used to doing the same action over and over that it responds automatically without us even thinking about it. This happens all the time physically within our bodies.
But does this concept apply to our emotions and communication too? YES it does!
I hear couples all the time who practice negative muscle memory in their communication. They say things verbally and non verbally to their partners without even thinking about it. Their lack of awareness fuels the dysfunctional patterns.
I encourage you to slow down and pay attention to how this concept is damaging your relationship. Bring your negative patterns into your awareness, own them, and make a conscious effort to change them. Otherwise your muscle memory might get stronger and it will be harder to shift later. Over time your muscle memory will conform to your new healthy patterns of communication. You just have to get started. If you are having trouble figuring out what negative communication traits you have, ask a trusted person you know well to give you honest feedback. Doing this will benefit you and your relationship to be more fulfilling and healthy! What are you waiting for? It’s time to get started today!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Boundaries, Communication, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
Most homes have a junk drawer. It’s the catch all for the random things in the house you don’t really know where they belong. At my house it seems like the junk drawer gets so piled up every few months that we have to spend some time cleaning it out.
Do you have an emotional junk drawer? Do you hang on to emotional junk that you aren’t quite sure what to do with, but aren’t ready to let go of?
How often do you go through your emotional junk drawer to get rid of unnecessary emotional experiences you’ve been holding onto?
It’s important to make sure you dedicate time to check in with yourself to see what emotional junk you are carrying around. Whether its in therapy, through journaling, meditation, or talking things through with a trusted person, purging through your emotions can create a freeing feeling and get rid of toxic emotions that are only hurting you by holding on to them.
I hope you can find time regularly to do this. It is an important act of self love!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Healthy Living, Stress | No Comments »
I am pretty klutzy! I’m embarrassed to admit that I was recently walking through a parking lot to a store while checking something on my phone, and all of a sudden I tripped over the curb.
Wow… I couldn’t believe I did that! I laughed out loud on the sidewalk and shook my head in disbelief. I had such tunnel vision that I wasn’t able to see anything around me. Hilarious, but dangerous!
Sometimes people get lost in what they are striving for that they loose sight of others around them. Do you ever get so engrossed in something that the rest of the world around you suffers? Do you accidentally hurt others or yourself because of your tunnel vision?
Whether it’s work, earning money, meeting a personal goal, or even helping one of your kids, make sure you broaden your view to the ripple effect your actions might have. Balance is key!
Who knows, you might not have a situation like I did where I could brush it off and have a good laugh. You might be caught off guard by the negative results your tunnel vision has. Make sure you watch were you’re going and be intentional!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Boundaries | No Comments »
I admire the attempts that my husband’s 84 year old grandmother has taken to jump into this crazy technology world we live in. She has a computer, she emails, and even talks about all the things she googles!
While listening to her talk about her journey with technology, she said “I sure wish it all came with a manual”. Instantly my mind wandered to all the journey’s in my life that I’ve walked feeling lost and wondering what step to take next. Raising kids. Going into private practice. Future career aspirations. Picking the right car, house, and kid’s stuff to purchase. Sometimes it all seems so overwhelming.
I’ve talked with many people over the years who will turn their backs to new adventures because of being overwhelmed and struck with fear. They are intimidated by all the unknowns and potential failures, so they back away and avoid it all together.
What fears are holding you back? Are you missing out on some amazing adventures because of it?
I hope you can have a healthy relationship with fear without it controlling your life. Take your life back from fear and get ready to explore. There is a whole world out there waiting for you!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Fear | No Comments »
Mornings are busy around my house. As I get everything together to rush out the door, it is rare I have any extra free time. A few mornings ago was a rare exception. Just before leaving, I brought coffee up to my husband. Kids were still sleeping and I had 5 minutes to spare! My husband invited me to sit down for a coffee date.
We eased into our busy lives that morning by spending our spare time connecting. Sure I could have gotten to work a tiny bit early to get just one more thing done before my first client, but instead I sat down with coffee in hand to connect.
I know both my husband and I both felt loved and closer even in our five minute talk. It’s not like we even talked about anything special that day, but we slowed down and re-focused on us. The point was not about what we were talking about, but rather that we took the time to talk.
Being a working mom and wife leaves a lot on my plate, but I refuse to let time be stolen by busyness. My marriage is a top priority, so I need to covet every little 5 minute date I can!
I encourage you to steal every slice of time you can whether it’s with your spouse, kids, or for yourself. If it is a priority, you have to be diligent about making the time. It will be time well spent!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Making your relationship s priority
Posted in Relationships, marriage | No Comments »
Hurt is a reality in relationships. We can’t avoid it or control it. It is a part of the human experience when you connect with others.
People will disappoint, let us down, and might even be blatantly hurtful.
Since we know it is inevitable, the only thing we can control is our reaction to hurt and how we cope with it. Healing from hurt might include having boundaries with someone, expressing your hurt, forgiveness, lowering your expectations for the person, or even cutting the relationship off.
Be sure to cope with the hurt in a way that promotes self-growth, rather than self-destruction. Turning to revenge or addictions can only make things worse for you.
The biggest part of handling the hurt is to make sure you let go of the pain it causes. Hanging on to the hurt will only cause you more pain. This act of forgiveness does not mean you are ok with what happened- it only means you are getting rid of the way it haunts you. It doesn’t even mean you have to invite this person back into your life in the same way. Having boundaries and redefining the relationship can offer you a sense of protection in the relationship.
Yes hurt happens… but there is hope in healing! If you are struggling with letting go of your hurt, it might be helpful to talk through it in counseling. Remember that hurt is unavoidable, but it you protect yourself so tightly from getting hurt- you might miss out on the connection you need and are waiting for.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Do you have your partner’s back when it comes to the kids? Are you a united front?
There have been many times in our 4 years of parenting that my husband and I have stood firm together as a team. We have each others back and tag the other one in when we need back up or relief.
It feels more secure to have a teammate when it comes to shaping these sweet little lives. There are SO many questions along the parenting journey that deserve to be analyzed and discussed together rather than decided by one person.
I encourage you to embrace the “US” concept of parenting with your spouse. Have regular talks and pick each others brains about what you need and are encountering along the way.
Make sure you keep your stance together in front of the kids-even if you disagree. Discuss the conflict about the kids and discipline behind closed doors in order to not give them any ammo to use to manipulate. Kids are masters at using the tiny things they pick up on toward their advantage and get their way. Dividing the parents can help their cause.
It is ok to say “I’ll let you know when your dad and I talk and decide.” This shows that you are talking and value making parenting decisions together.
Having a united front as parents is vital to remaining sane and to a more enjoyable parenting experience. In order to, you have to increase the communication and “over share” the details to stay on the same page. You don’t want your teammate to be left out of any puzzle pieces when making decisions.
Set a time for your next “parenting meeting” today! The investment of this time can have powerful dividends!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: United front in parenting
Posted in Family Issues, Parenting | No Comments »
I am notorious for seeing things at the grocery store that look good at the time, but then don’t get eaten at home.
I recently brought 3 nectarines and brought them home only to sit in my fruit bowl.
I ate one 2 days later. It was ok, but not quite ripe and was disappointing.
My husband ate the other.
The next week as I was packing my lunch, I saw the last nectarine. The “should” thought haunted me…”Teri, you really ‘should’ eat that last nectarine and not let it go to waste.”
My internal dialogue won and I packed it.
At lunch I reluctantly bit into it ready to be disappointed as I was before.
Surprise! That was that best nectarine I ever had! It was juicy and completely ripe!
You may ask, Teri, who cares about your silly nectarine, but there is a moral to the story.
Sometimes you have to wait to get the results you were hoping for. I had to be patient for a week to let the fruit ripen.
How many times in life do we rush and hope for quick immediate results, only to be disappointed? Whether it is weight loss, job or money issues, or getting through a tough time. Our human nature tends to rush through things too fast instead of slowing down to get the most benefit.
I encourage you to wait patiently, rather than expect immediate results. Sometimes putting in the time will pay off more than you think!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Do you have regrets? Have you looked back and thought, I could have done more in that situation?
People ask me every day if working on their marriage is the answer or if they should walk away. I respond with, “Have you turned every stone? Could you clearly look yourself in the eyes and say ‘I did EVERYTHING I could do’? If not then, you are asking to be haunted with regrets.”
Working on your marriage is hard work, especially if you are “tardy” getting into my office and we have years of work to get through. I see many people who walk away too early and are haunted by thoughts of what they could have done differently.
Remember that you only get 50% of the equation here. Your partner has the other 50%. If you do everything you can, but they choose not to, then that is their decision.
Don’t just go through the motions in your relationship. You owe it to each other to try everything you can.
I challenge you to get started early when you see red flags in the relationship, and not wait for counseling as a last resort. Fighting for your marriage needs to be a constant decision every day of your marriage, not just something you do when it might be ending. If you are in the position of deciding to walk away or not, I challenge you to step back and see if you have turned every stone. It could result in healing and rebuilding that would bond you unlike ever before.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Divorce, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, marriage | No Comments »
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