IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
Imagine Hope Counselor
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I have always loved May. Not only is it a beautiful month weather wise, but I also have looked forward to several family celebrations, school ending, and of course Mother’s day! But May the past four years has meant something a little different to me. I have two not so happy anniversaries. Two out of the last four May’s I found out I was expecting babies that ended in miscarriages in July. The grieving and pain still ache even though time has pasted and I have 2 children who are alive and well. Although I have so much to celebrate and love about this month, I still feel the gray cloud of sadness with these losses. I know that my babies are safe and being taken care of in loving arms and I will hold them one day, yet that reassurance doesn’t stop my heart’s ache. So May begins the “funk”, it carries into July, and February 4th (the due date of BOTH babies I lost) will always linger as a day of memorial and grieving for my 11 week old babies.
Do you ever notice yourself to be in a funk and don’t know why? Have you looked at the date? The time of year? Are you experiencing a not so happy anniversary, and not paying attention? This is a very important part to look at if you can’t put your finger on why you are feeling down. For me being aware of my grieving in these times, helps me cope better. It helps me be prepared to process my sadness and memorialize my loss. I also give myself permission for the sadness. It is a sad and painful experience to go through, so I will continue to allow it to be and not numb my pain. I will move through the feelings and step forward on my life’s journey.
My challenge for you is to be aware of triggers. Ask yourself “Why?” you are feeling a certain way. You might realize it’s a not so happy anniversary.
Tags: miscarriage, triggers
Posted in Depression, Grief Issues, Stress | No Comments »
In relationships it is important to acknowledge your partner. Flirting can be a fun and playful way to do this. Do you remember how good it feels to have someone flirt with you? The adrenaline rush you feel from being wanted by someone can give your self-confidence a boost. Remember it doesn’t have to cost money or take too much time. Here are a few creative ways to flirt with your partner today:
* Leave a note in the shower using one of your child’s bath crayons
* Send a text saying you are thinking of them
* When walking by, show some physical affection (a tap, pat, or quick kiss)
* Allow them to catch you looking at him/her and checking him/her out
* Smile and wink
* Play a song for them on their voice mail that says the words you are feeling
* Leave a note in their car, on their desk, in their lunch, or in their wallet
There are many more examples of ways to flirt with your partner- the key is to make them feel wanted and desired by you. Show them you took the time to think of them in that moment and that they are worth your time. You might be amazed the ripple affect it produces in other areas of your relationship!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: flirting
Posted in Healthy Living, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
I am one of the rare few that LOVES my job. I have passion for being a therapist. It is an amazing career and believe it or not- I have known I wanted to do this from age 12. My parents divorced when I was ten, and I started counseling shortly after. It was a great experience. I remember one day coming home and telling my mom that I wanted to help people the way my therapist was helping me. At that point I had a vision and passion for helping. My passion grew as I aged. While traveling the world on missions trips, I worked in one of Mother Teresa’s homes in India and held children in a Chinese orphanage- I knew my calling was to have compassion for people in pain. These experiences “moved” me. It struck me at the core of my soul that I was made to do this. It is my purpose.
I talk with many people who are missing this in their life. They are seeking meaning and purpose in life and struggle trying to find it. I often give them an exercise to help them discover what moves them by asking things like, “When have I felt confident that I had something to offer?” If you struggle finding this kind of meaning in life, it is important to experiment with different options. It may not mean a career change, but maybe in the form of a hobby or volunteer work. Start your internal assessment today and take an inventory of the times in your life where you can pinpoint an ounce of enjoyment. Now start exploring it. There is no reason that you need to settle for a passionless life. It’s time to start living your purpose today!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: meaning, passion, purpose
Posted in Faith-Based Living, Healthy Living, Stress | No Comments »
The other day my husband and I had both kids napping at the same time. I had a HUGE pile of laundry waiting to be folded, dishes in the sink, and some emails to reply to. But instead of being productive, I challenged him to a game of Wii bowling. As we were playing we listened to Dave Matthews and the song “Waste” came on. The lyrics say “Come waste your time with me”. I laughed at how fitting the song was as I was “wasting my time” with my husband. But it really wasn’t a waste of time. We were connecting. We both set aside our lists and made each other a priority. Our actions said “You are worth more to me than getting everything done.” Wasting time with your partner is a great way to show them what they mean to you. Have you invited your partner to waste time lately?
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Healthy Living, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | 1 Comment »
My son and husband got a pair of foam swords for Christmas this year. We all take turns playing “battle” and running around the house after each other. But there are rules for playing battle. They are: You can’t hit someone who is not playing battle, you can’t hit faces or heads, and the baby is never to be hit. If these rules are broken the swords go on top of the fridge. As I was leaving the house today they were playing battle and my husband flirtatiously hit me with the sword. My son quickly said, “Now your sword has to go on the fridge. Mommy wasn’t playing.” My husband and I looked at each other and agreed. He had caught us breaking the rules! So the sword was put up.
This was an awesome lesson in parenting that we are responsible to follow the rules WE set too. If we are not consistent with following the rules, our kids will question why they have to follow them. Be careful of the double standards you are teaching them. If you are screaming, “Stop yelling!”, eating your dessert before you have eaten your vegetables, or are using foul language that they get in trouble for- they might be confused about the rules. If you aren’t being accountable to the house rules, why should they. If you notice your child is struggling following some household rules, you may need to assess what you are teaching them. Your actions might be saying “Breaking the rules is okay.” The phrase “Do as I say- not as I do” should not be ok!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: double standards, parenting
Posted in Boundaries, Family Issues | No Comments »
This Christmas was awesome! I would not have changed anything about the day. One of the best parts was that I connected with my “inner kid”. I played without any shame. At one point I was dressed as a cowgirl running in circles around the house being chased by my son with a play sword. It was so much fun. We laughed and squealed- a lot! My daughter and I had a tea party with her new tea set and dolly. I also honed my skills at Wii bowling and Mario cart! It felt like an entire day of recess. It was such a great connection, where I was truly able to be present with my family. I discarded my “adult” image and let my internal kid out to enjoy the day.
When is the last time you were able to shed your adulthood and play? Do you find yourself saying, “I can’t do that, I’m too old for that.” Don’t let your age limit you from having moments of carefree playtime. Life doesn’t always have to be so serious. Yes we have adult responsibilities- but you get to choose if you will balance life with incorporating time for recess!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Christmas, parenting, play
Posted in Family Issues, Healthy Living, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Having a toddler, I tend to say these words often. Think about the power of a time out. It gives everyone the chance to “cool off” and take a breather. It helps us slow down and think about our behavior and what needs to be different. Many people are surprised when I tell them to call a time out in conversations as adults. Sometimes things are going down a rough path and need to be redirected fast. A time out can do that! Here is how it works:
If things are getting too tense and you notice you are not getting anywhere, literally say the words “Time Out”. Whoever says the words needs to also set the time limit for how long the time out will last (15 minutes, until tomorrow night, after the kids go to bed, etc.). It is NOT an option to not set a time limit. Once a time out is called, the conversation HAS to stop. Walk away. Catch your breath and think. Use the time out to help you get back on track, not as a way to let things stew and build up. Once the time limit is up, it is important for the person who called the time out to initiate conversation again. Then you can sort through the issue and move on. Remember the rules of a time out for adults are a way to fight fair in your relationship. If you work on this skill, it will help issues get resloved instead of getting swept under the rug. For more tips on fighting fair read my article at : http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/fullarticles.php?ID=35
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Communication, fighting fair, Relationships
Posted in Boundaries, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Uncategorized | No Comments »
A quote from Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Eat, Pray, Love”:
“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I can count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, then I hung on to the relationship for a long time waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness” (p.285).
How many times has your wishful thinking altered your reality? This is a good example of why we should take a step bad to look at the real picture in front of us. We can often get lost in the promises of “I’ll change”, “I’ll quit when we have kids”, or “I’m going to do that someday.” After those promises are broken and dreams are discussed with no movement toward them, you tend to loose hope. This is a good opportunity to re-think your expectations and set some boundaries. Keep your eyes wide open and live life in reality- good decisions are likely to follow!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Boundaries, Codependency, Divorce, Marriage Counseling, Uncategorized | No Comments »
We ask the question often, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” We dream about the future. We plan for retirement. We play the “if only” game and wish the grass was greener. When my son asks to do something that is beyond his age, and I say no. He replies with a sighing, “Someday.” In high school I was in the musical “Annie” and sang the lyrics, “Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I love you tomorrow. You’re only a day away.” All of these are examples of destination addiction. This is when people focus so strongly on the future that they miss out on TODAY. When we get lost in our vision and dreams, we tend to forget about the reality right before our eyes. I am not saying we shouldn’t dream. We just need to be careful to not loose sight of the life we have right now. Enjoy today…Live today. Don’t get addicted to your destination. You might miss out on some amazing experiences on your way there!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Healthy Living, Uncategorized | No Comments »
One of my brothers has MS. I have watched his roller coaster journey over the past 10+ years and feel deeply sad with him. We had lunch the other day and he said, “My boys don’t remember me running. They never will.” Ugh. As a young girl I remember his determination in sports and him even joking about how he wanted a certain haircut to help him run faster aerodynamically. Now his body is weaker. He’s grieving the life he once had and his family is changing. His life is changing. Tears run down my face as I sit in the reality of my brother’s illness, I grieve with him.
One amazing thing he said at lunch is, “Not that I’m glad I have MS, but it has forced me to slow down. Be a better dad. Look at life though a different lens.” Wow! He is living one of my favorite quotes, “In the adversity we dread facing, we find life of which we have always dreamed” by Jennifer Rothschild. What an inspiration!
Sometimes life doesn’t always end up the way we planned and hoped it would. Many times we are radically changed by things out of our control. In the end we can choose whether we become victims to it or we use it to better ourselves. Grieving is a vital part to this process. Today as you look at the adversity in your life, how will you respond to it…as a curse or an opportunity?
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: adversity, grieving, illness, MS
Posted in Depression, Grief Issues, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Stress, Uncategorized | No Comments »
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