IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
Imagine Hope Counselor
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Are you a “Wisher”? Do you dream big dreams and sit around “hoping” they will come true?
What do you do with those wishes and dreams? Do you make adjustments in your life to create a way for them to happen? Or do you hope a genie in a lamp will poof them into your life?
It is foolish to just “hope so” and not make change. You have to DO SO if things are going to be different!
In a Proverbs 31 devotional, Lysa Terkeurst said, “The space between my reality and my expectations will only change if I do.” This is so true…I have to change if my reality is going to change.
Are you willing to make change? Maybe it’s too scary? Maybe you don’t know where to start so you just don’t.
I encourage you to start small and take one step at a time towards your goals and dreams. Having all or nothing thinking will get you in trouble and end in self-sabotage.
If you want things to change…the change has to start with you. Take steps on a journey of change today!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Healthy Living | No Comments »
Have you heard someone say they suffer from abandonment issues? Most people think about adoption or being left on a door step as a child, but abandonment issues can be caused by many more life experiences.
Author Susan Anderson says, “Everyday there are people who feel as if life itself has left them on a doorstep or thrown them away. Abandonment is about loss of love itself, that crucial loss of connectedness. It often involves breakup, betrayal, aloneness. People struggling with abandonment issues include those going through the ending of a relationship as well as searching adoptees, recently widowed, and those suffering the woundedness of earlier disconnections.”
I explain abandonment to my clients as a 3-pronged fear that has proven itself true in their lives. The first is the fear of loss- any loss. This could be your dog dying, parents divorcing, chronic moving, or your favorite teacher leaving half way through the year on maternity leave. Reoccurring loss in younger ages will strengthen a person’s fear that it has and will happen again.
The second prong is the fear of rejection. This can be from family, friends, not making a team, boyfriends/ girlfriends, or any place you are searching for belonging. If and when these things happen, it can cause deep wounds that make you sensitive to any type of rejection and take it personally.
The third prong is the fear of physical and/ or emotional abandonment. The physical abandonment can be divorce, death, adoption, and literal abandoning. The emotional abandonment has to do with emotional needs not being met and a lack of attachment.
When these fears are validated a person may exhibit abandonment issues. Here are several traits I have seen my clients show when “under the influence of abandonment”:
- Fears and has a hard time being alone
- Loneliness can be a very difficult and uneasy feeling
- Have trouble trusting others
- Might ask 20 questions in order to uncover a suspicion
- Have moved in an out of relationships without much time in between or has a deep longing to always be in a relationship
- Jumps to conclusions and worst case scenarios and believes them as truth
- Has a sense of urgency to deal with something “right now” even if the timing is horrible
- Fears and avoids rejection
- Has trouble being left out
- Any kind of loss is hard for them
- They tend to be jealous- not just of their loved one being with someone else, but also of their time.
There are many more examples to cover! Just keep in mind that healing is possible from these issues. It takes a lot of hard work, but you can be free from its power over your life!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Abandonment, Susan Anderson
Posted in Depression, Fear, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
Does anyone else LOVE the feeling you get from spring (or fall) cleaning?
I love it! It feels so good to get rid of the many random things that collect in my house. Going through closets. Organizing. Giving stuff away to friends or charity. It feels so good to clear the clutter!
When you are in this mode, do you ask yourself…”Why did I hold onto this?”…I do this every time!
Ever think about all the emotional “clutter” that is taking up space in your head and heart? Do you ever slow down to purge the junk you’ve been holding onto there? Do you ask yourself later why you held onto it?
I’ve worked with and known many people who “hoard” grudges in life. They have the illusion that they are protecting themselves from future pain, but in reality that are closing themselves off to future connection. The negative things crowd any room for the positive connections to come in.
I know it can be much easier to get rid of tangible things rather than emotional. But think about how good it will feel to get rid of the emotional. Part of living a healthy life is living a life free from hoarding all your emotional junk.
It’s time to de-clutter and let go of the pain you’ve been holding on to. Keeping it around will only do you more harm. Take the time for some emotional fall cleaning today!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Healthy Living | No Comments »
While on a family bike ride, my 3 year old reminded me of a great life lesson: When you fall, get right back up again.
We had a collision that I thought for sure would end with us all walking back. As she was falling over, I tried to reach down and help her up, but lost my balance and I fell off my bike. It ended with me and my bike on top of her on the side walk! I’m sure it looked hilarious and awful all at the same time 
As she was crying, I asked if she wanted to ride any more and she said “Yes” as she wiped her tears. What? She wasn’t too scared?
What a great reminder to face fears even after they have been scary and ended in pain. Sometimes in life we get scared and wounded, and run far from the situation. My daughter didn’t. She got right back on the bike and continued on with courage.
When you fall, do you get back up again? Do you learn from the pain? Do you take a risk or run away? Don’t let fear take away living life. Get up and face your fears today!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Fear, Healthy Living, Stress | No Comments »
Growing up I loved the movie “Annie”. It seems like I went through a phase of watching it at least weekly for a long time! I was even in the musical in high school.
Here’s the lyrics to the famous song “Tomorrow”:
“The sun’ll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun
Just thinkin’ about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow till there’s none
When I’m stuck with a day that’s gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin and grin and say
The sun’ll come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on till tomorrow, came what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow
You’re always a day away.”
Just reading through the lyrics makes me want to belt it out around the house like I did as a young girl
Do you hold on to the hope that Annie offers us in this song? Have you ever gotten through a day because of clinging to the idea that tomorrow will come and it can get better? I’m sure I’m not the only one who wishes I could have a restart button some days.
I encourage you that even in the midst of the trial and struggle of today that you hold hope in tomorrow. There are so many things in this world that are out of our control, but we choose whether or not we have hope. Don’t let today’s pain take away your hope. Clinging to the hope of tomorrow just might make today a little better to deal with!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Annie's song "Tomorrow", Hope
Posted in Depression, Faith-Based Living | No Comments »
Are you a liar in your own head?
No really…do you tell yourself lies in your head? Do you jump to conclusions that spiral out of control and create anxiety?
Sometimes issues like shame and abandonment can overtake your thinking in intense ways. It can be hard to figure out if the thoughts in your head are based on reality or on shame and abandonment issues.
One of the first ways to figure it out is to ask the question, “Is this thought true?” If the answer is…not really…not all the time…or I’m not sure, then the thought is probably a lie rooted in shame and abandonment.
When it is shame and abandonment, try taking a step back and telling shame and abandonment to back off! Reclaim your thoughts that are based on TRUTH you do know, not LIES that will take over and spiral into pain and anxiety.
Believing the lies in your head can ruin relationships, cause major regrets and frustration in your life.
Focus on TRUTH to combat the negative messages of shame and abandonment. Shifting from their lies will bring a new freedom and lens in life for a better chance at a fulfilling life!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: negative self talk, Shame. abandonment
Posted in Depression, Stress | No Comments »
No pain….No gain.
But how do you do through the pain? Do you persevere knowing that the storm will pass or do you give up, avoid, or bury it?
There are TONS of situations where this concept is true. Work hard in school- get good grades and into a good college. Eat healthy consistently and exercise- the weight comes off. Save money- take a nice vacation. Of course all situations aren’t as cut and dry and easy to find the positive outcomes.
When you are in sacrifice mode, it can be hard to not grumble and complain. But you have to keep your eye on the prize. Knowing there is a positive outcome can help you endure the difficult time. But focusing on how hard the sacrifice is will suck you into a negative mindset and make it harder to make it through the hard parts.
I know maintaining hope can be grueling. I encourage you to view your pain as a means to an end. There is some sort of payoff on the other side. You might not know exactly the outcome, but hold tight and look closely. When you are looking for it, you are more likely to see the positive. The pay off might be as simple as a lesson learned or character refinement, but that can still have positive life changing effects!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Goals, Stress | 1 Comment »
Hope is a powerful emotion. It gives us a sense that there is life outside the craziness around us.
At some point… a horrible day ends…the fight gets resolved… the illness might get cured… a new job is offered… he does graduate from high school… and you will stop crying.
I know in the midst of the pain, it seems that all hope is lost. Your tunnel vision sinks in and all the voices become mumbles.
It might seem pointless to believe that the pain will stop. You might not be able to control the situation, but you do get to control what you do with the situation.
I encourage you to find hope from your pain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Look for it. Cling to it.
Sometimes it just takes you looking for the hope and noticing it is right there with you along the way. It is what helps you get out of bed, helps you take the next step, and find the tiniest ounce of pleasure as you go through the pain. When you believe it is there, you will find it.
Be kind to those around you- you might give them the hope they are looking for to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep searching for the hope…it will be what keeps you going and not stuck in the pain. I wish you all hope on life’s crazy journey!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Divorce, Faith-Based Living, Goals, Parenting, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
I recently read a blog on generis.com that struck me as I learned a good lesson about greed and the dangers of holding on to something too long from baboons! Here is a segment of their blog:
“A television documentary on animal life in Africa was demonstrating how the natives of Africa have learned to find water during the dry season. A native first located a colony of baboons. Certain that the baboons were watching, the African dug a small hole in a dirt embankment. He then placed a handful of fruit inside.
Baboons, it seems, are incurably curious, so as soon as the native returned into the jungle, one baboon quickly approached the hole. Seeing the fruit inside, the baboon stuck his hand into the hole and grasped the tasty morsel. The African hunter had skillfully carved the hole just large enough to allow the animal’s hand to enter but, when clasped around the fruit, the hand could not be withdrawn.
The native then returned from the concealment of the forest with a small rope in his hands. Amazingly, as the man approached, the baboon shrieked in terror but refused to release the fruit and run for its life. I found myself moving to the edge of my chair as this drama unfolded. I expected the animal to bolt and run for its life but, incredulously, the native casually strolled up to the panic-stricken animal, laid the noose over the animal’s neck, and pulled him away.
The animal was then tied to a tree, given salt, and held captive for a couple of days without water. As soon as it was released, the baboon made a beeline for its secret waterhole. The native simply followed the thirst-driven animal and found the water he would never have found without the animal’s unwitting assistance.” (See source below)
Do you relate to the baboon? Do you find yourself holding on to things so tightly that you put yourself in harms way because you are scared to let go?
Sometimes in life we have to let go and lean into change in order to protect and save ourselves. Remember you can’t control anything but yourself. Learn from the baboon’s mistakes and start letting go of dangerous things in your life!
Source: http://generis.com/blog/2012/05/21/what-a-baboon-taught-me-about-greed/
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Abuse, Depression, Family Issues, Fear, Goals, Infidelity, marriage, Relationships, Substance Abuse | No Comments »
There are several times a week I say the words, “I know it may seem hard to believe, but if you just try this, things will start to get a little bit better.”
There are many words of advice that I give people who doubt that the outcome can bring better results. Some clients have trouble trusting and resist. Fear of failure, the unknown, and getting uncomfortable constantly get in people’s way when in the recovery process.
My husband had knee surgery last year. During his recovery, his therapist had to help him trust that his knee was strong again. He had been unable to use his leg for such a long time that he had to retrain his brain’s ability to trust that his leg was healed after surgery.
This was a huge turning point in his healing. Once he got through his fear that it would hurt, get re-injured, or that he would fall if he put pressure on it, he became confident again in using his leg.
Do you need to re-train your brain’s ability to trust in the recovery process? Are you holding back from doing what you know you should do because of fear? If so, it is time to start realizing that what you have believed was okay to do is what got you to where you are now. Maybe it is time to stretch yourself and trust. It could open a whole new world of possibilities for you!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Addiction, Affairs, Codependency, Communication, Depression, Fear, Goals, Infidelity, marriage, Parenting, Perfectionism, Relationships, Substance Abuse | No Comments »
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