IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
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Eeyore is very depressed. In one episode all of Eeyore’s friends want to cheer him up. Each character brainstorms ideas of what makes them happy and tries to get Eeyore to do it too. Of course it doesn’t work. Eeyore plops down and all of his friends sit down next to him exhausted from their efforts to make him happy. Then Eeyore tells his friends how nice it feels for them to just sit with him.
Have you ever “tried” to make someone happy? Have you beat your head against the wall trying to think of what you could do to make things better? This is a good lesson in “Love Languages”. Everyone feels love in different ways. The book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman maps this whole concept out. The short version is…. if I speak Spanish and you speak Chinese- we won’t understand each other. So we have to learn how to speak our partner’s language in order to get them to feel our love. Let’s say my husband’s love language is “Acts of Service” and mine is “Quality time.” I might not experience as much love by doing an act of service- but my husband will. So I have to make a conscious effort to speak his love language even if it doesn’t mean that much to me- and vice versa. The hardest task is figuring out what language’s you and your partner speak. Define them for each other. Teach your partner how to love you. Instead of racking your brain trying to guess what makes them happy- just ask. Who knows… it might be as simple as just sitting with them!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Codependency, Depression, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
We watch a lot of Pooh in my house these days. As I watch, I find many lessons that apply to everyday life. There is an episode where sweet little anxious Piglet is learning to say “No”. Rabbit has an over abundance of watermelons in his garden and keeps giving them to Piglet. He is scared he will hurt Rabbit’s feelings if he tells Rabbit that he has too many and doesn’t want any more. So Piglet ends up in a dilemma because he let Rabbit cross his boundaries and didn’t say no.
What happens when we say “yes” to everything? Do you start to resent the other person? Feel like a victim? Beat yourself up afterwards? These are all common traps of codependency. Make sure you say YES to you sometimes. Don’t get walked all over. Set boundaries and stick to them. It is ok to draw a line and set limits. Otherwise you might end up like Piglet and have too many watermelons.
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Boundaries, Codependency, Relationships | No Comments »
I started running after my first child was born- for self-care and as a way to take off the baby weight. I never believed I could actually run before. I always had excuses of why I couldn’t. But I finally pushed myself and I did it! So during my last pregnancy I decided I wanted to run a 5K this fall. The thought of it is such a challenge. At times I want to chicken out and think it will be too hard- but then I think of the feeling of accomplishment I will feel when I cross the finish line. So to help me with this endeavor I found an app for my iPhone called “Couch to 5K”, which is a training program to prep you to run a 5K. I was out running this weekend and wanted to give up. I had so many self-defeating thoughts. My legs hurt, it was hot, and I had cottonmouth and no water! But I pushed myself. I couldn’t believe how good I felt after pushing myself past my comfort zone. My body and mind actually felt healthier.
I have many clients who go through this same process when they are trying to work on their relationship. They think, “There is no way we can possibly do this” and they come up with tons of reasons therapy won’t work. But then they find good instruction in the therapy process which provides them with hope (similar to my “Couch to 5K”) and I push them- even when it hurts. Even though they hate being out of their comfort zone- in the end they look back and feel much better. The challenge is to run the race with endurance. You don’t have to do it perfect and come in first place- just run- don’t give up. Yes it is a challenge. Relationships are hard. But if you rise up to the challenge and run, your relationship could be the healthiest it has ever been! Happy running!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Divorce, Healthy Living, Infidelity, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
My son loves to run through the water that drips out of my outdoor hanging plants while I am watering them. He squeals, runs in circles, and laughs. His emotion is pure joy. When he’s done, he looks at me and laughs while saying “I’m all wet.” There have been moments when I think in my adult rational mind… “That water is dirty. Now you will need a bath. I’ll have to change his clothes now….etc.” But I hold back and stop myself as I realize I am seeing his child within. Then I squeal and laugh with him. Isn’t it amazing how often our “practical adult mind” stops us from experiencing our inner child’s joy? Where did we loose that carefree, playful attitude? So I ask you… when’s the last time you twirled without caring who saw you, or ran through the sprinkler and let out a loud screech, or held up an invisible microphone to sing a song in your car? Invite your inner child to come out and play. It’s been way too long, hasn’t it?
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Boundaries, Codependency, Family Issues, Healthy Living, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
Breathe with intention…. What does that mean? It means- stop just doing something because it is normal or a habit and start doing it on purpose. Many people are spectators of their lives and they watch it pass them by. Breathing with intention means that you become a participant in you own life. Get out of the stands and get on the playing field and breathe!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Healthy Living | No Comments »
I have two elderly grandparents who are still living. As morbid as it may seem, each time I talk to them or see them, I internally question if it will be the last. Do they ever ask themselves the same question? Although I can never see us having this conversation, I wonder if they feel they have lived a full life. The movie “The Bucket List” is very moving and inspiring to me. The story makes you dig deep into the idea that you can “choose life” no matter what your circumstances. Regardless of age I think it is an important mentality to adopt. No matter what your future holds, I hope you choose to live your life to its fullest, embrace every moment, learn from everything around you, and let yourself breathe with intention.
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: death
Posted in Depression, Family Issues, Grief Issues, Healthy Living, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Ever been a member of the “clean your plate club”? Have you ever had to organize all the pillows on your couch before going to bed? Is it hard to put a book down without finishing the chapter you are in even when you are so tired you probably don’t even comprehend what you are reading anyways? Have you ever needed to get everything done at work before leaving, even though you know it would really be ok to leave it for tomorrow? Many people think of addictions to be a substance that you are addicted to, but I have worked with many people- including myself- on perfectionism being an addiction. It is a slippery slope to set such high expectations for ourselves- many of which we will never meet. WE ARE HUMAN! Which means we are NOT perfect- nor will we ever be. Striving to be perfect will only make us a failure. Give yourself a break and a chance to be real and imperfect. It’s a lot less stressful!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: addiction, Perfectionism
Posted in Depression, Healthy Living, Stress | 1 Comment »
We all have dreams throughout life that we think “If only this would happen, life would be perfect.” That dream being fulfilled is our answer for contentment and our signal to actually start living and loving our lives. Whether it is having the perfect relationship, a better job, a certain amount of money, a bigger house, or kids that behave, we all have ideals that “if only” they happened life would be good. But how often are those dreams actually fulfilled? Are they even realistic or attainable? The problem is we sit around waiting for these dreams to come true and in the mean time life passes us by.
I love the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. The following is a quote from this book, which depicts this concept:
“Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time- when pursued like a bandit- will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you’re banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won’t. You have to admit you can’t catch it” (p 155).
I’m not saying we should stop dreaming; I am saying we need to stop chasing unattainable dreams that leave us unhappy if they don’t come true. Just remember the danger of chasing the life of your dreams too hard. You might end up loosing your chance to live it.
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: contentment, perfection
Posted in Depression, Healthy Living, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
My oldest child is going through some normal adjustments with having a newborn in the house. It breaks my heart at times to see his struggle. For instance, this morning we had arranged for him to spend the day with a friend- swimming, going for a picnic, and playing. He was excited, but when the time came to leave he was screaming that he didn’t want to go. As a parent I knew he would have a great time and have much more fun with them rather than staying at home with me, but his focus was narrow minded. How many times do we do this? We react to the moment without thinking about the bigger picture and how it might be better for us in the long run.
I often recommend this book for couples who are healing from infidelity: My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me by Anne Bercht. The title, although shocking, can be true. I have watched and helped many couples create an amazing relationship after an affair that probably wouldn’t have been possible if they hadn’t gone through such a crisis. Unfortunately we sometimes have to be hit hard over the head to make needed changes. Although the road is difficult and takes time, it is possible.
So as you think about the narrow-minded reactions and panic you might have in the moment to whatever crisis comes your way, try to broaden your view to see the possibilities that could be waiting. It might just be a picnic after all!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Family Issues, Infidelity, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
As I sit here watching the memorial service for Michael Jackson, I can’t help but remember the silly and fond childhood memories I have that his music was linked to. My brothers and I listened to the Thriller album countless times while playing in our basement. I danced, twirled, and laughed. We made a “haunted house” and played his music in the background. I laugh that one of my brothers actually had a red leather zipper jacket from one of his videos that I thought was so cool as a young girl. But the one thing that strikes me most is how many people all over the world are doing the same thing I am doing right now… remembering. Regardless of what you think about Michael Jackson, a legacy has been left. Which makes me question… what is your legacy? How will people remember you? How are you touching someone’s life today? In a small or big way- anyone has the power to influence another. What legacy will you choose to leave?
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Current Events, Uncategorized | No Comments »
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