IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
Imagine Hope Counselor
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A few years ago I made a huge decision to leave a very unhealthy situation. I was out walking listening to my iPod and heard these lyrics to the song “Numb” by Linkin Park.
“I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control…”
This song put it all in perspective for me. I had lost myself fighting to be good enough when I could never be in their eyes. I had become numb to the dysfunction around me and I couldn’t see clearly until I took a step back. I am grateful for this song putting to words my experience and motivating me to get out of the situation.
I challenge you to avoid becoming numb to the pain around you- if you do, you will be too paralyzed to get away from it.
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Boundaries, Codependency, Depression, Healthy Living, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
My husband and I have a Thanksgiving journal that we write in every Thanksgiving. We list the things each member of our family is thankful for that year. We’ve only done it a couple of years, but it is a fun way to focus on the positives in our lives. I like to think that as our kids get older we can look back and laugh at the years past and reminisce.
It is sad, but many people forget to be thankful. Our society is so critical and negative. Things are almost always never good enough. This mentality causes us to be discontent and loose sight of all the wonderful blessings we have around us. In order for me to shift this instinct within myself I have an app on my iPhone called “Gratitude Rock” which helps me have Thanksgiving everyday—without the calories of course!! It is a journal of positive thoughts where you can log what you are grateful for. I love it! As I strive to fight my personal discontent in life, I challenge you to adopt my “AT LEAST” principle. It is where you fill in the blank “At least….” after you complain or experience some discontent. This mentality helps you shift your negative thinking. Let’s strive to be grateful more than one time a year—it can make life much more positive!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Depression, Faith-Based Living, Family Issues, Healthy Living, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
Speak your needs…Speak your needs….SPEAK YOUR NEEDS. My clients hear me say this all the time! I know we all wish that the fairy tale were true… you know the one where you think, “If they loved me enough they would just know” or “I shouldn’t have to tell them- we’ve been together for so long now.” I hate to be the bubble buster- but that doesn’t work too well in healthy relationships. If you expect your partner to read your mind, you are setting them up to fail and yourself up for disappointment. Don’t leave it up to chance for your partner to guess wrong. Wouldn’t it be much easier to just be real and honest with them instead of waste energy and emotion on a silly game?
Now if you speak your needs and they ignore you or get it wrong, then you have grounds for a discussion. You might have to elaborate or be more detailed. Don’t just say, “I wish you were more romantic.” Tell them what you find to be romantic. A few clients have challenged me on this one… they say “Teri, if I give them a detailed play by play of what I want and they do it- then I think they are doing it just because I told them to. Not because they want to.” I can see their point, but look at the bigger picture… They HEARD you. This is a good thing. If they didn’t care, they would have done nothing at all. So any effort need to be looked at as a positive. You asked them to do something and they responded. If your attitude is negative, then they can’t win. They did what you asked, but that’s not even good enough because they didn’t come up with it on their own. It is all about teaching your partner what you need.
My advice is… Be consistent, teach and be teachable, and speak your needs.
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Communication, Needs
Posted in Codependency, Divorce, Infidelity, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
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