I have always loved May. Not only is it a beautiful month weather wise, but I also have looked forward to several family celebrations, school ending, and of course Mother’s day! But May the past four years has meant something a little different to me. I have two not so happy anniversaries. Two out of the last four May’s I found out I was expecting babies that ended in miscarriages in July. The grieving and pain still ache even though time has pasted and I have 2 children who are alive and well. Although I have so much to celebrate and love about this month, I still feel the gray cloud of sadness with these losses. I know that my babies are safe and being taken care of in loving arms and I will hold them one day, yet that reassurance doesn’t stop my heart’s ache. So May begins the “funk”, it carries into July, and February 4th (the due date of BOTH babies I lost) will always linger as a day of memorial and grieving for my 11 week old babies.
Do you ever notice yourself to be in a funk and don’t know why? Have you looked at the date? The time of year? Are you experiencing a not so happy anniversary, and not paying attention? This is a very important part to look at if you can’t put your finger on why you are feeling down. For me being aware of my grieving in these times, helps me cope better. It helps me be prepared to process my sadness and memorialize my loss. I also give myself permission for the sadness. It is a sad and painful experience to go through, so I will continue to allow it to be and not numb my pain. I will move through the feelings and step forward on my life’s journey.
My challenge for you is to be aware of triggers. Ask yourself “Why?” you are feeling a certain way. You might realize it’s a not so happy anniversary.