IHCG – Teri Claassen's Blog
Imagine Hope Counselor
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I’m so proud of my 2 year old’s ability to persevere by doing a difficult puzzle. I watch her try so hard with each piece and celebrate her victory when she completes it with a joyful hand clap and smile.
The other day she finished a puzzle and carefully picked it up to bring it upstairs to show me her accomplishment. As she was walking up the stairs, something happened to cause the puzzle to crumble. She burst into tears.
As I ran to the stairs, I was confused about what caused her to go from so much joy to such sadness.
She explained to me what happened through many cries and deep breaths. My initial internal adult reaction was “It’s not a big deal. We can put it back together,” but I quickly moved into my empathy mode. In the eyes of a two-year old little girl, it was a huge deal. She had worked so hard, and her creation was literally broken in pieces.
As parents I know it is tempting to dismiss our child’s reactions because adults can see the bigger picture and think logically. Kids haven’t developed those skills yet. So if you dismiss their reactions, you might accidentally be teaching them to stop feeling. This could end with a child who shuts down all emotion inside or one who is an extreme feeler who over magnifies their reactions to get you to notice them.
Try using statements like “I know” instead of “It’s okay”. Saying “I know” can help reassure them that they aren’t crazy for being upset. Saying “Its okay” can cause them to second guess their feelings because in their reality it is NOT okay!
Modeling empathy with your kids can result in huge benefits in their futures. It can prevent bullying, develop an emotionally intelligent child, and give them people skills that will lead to healthy relationships. Be an empathetic parent today- you won’t regret the positive outcome you get!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Empathy
Posted in Communication, Parenting | No Comments »
I was humbled recently when my husband pulled me into another room to give me feedback about my attitude. In a loving way he told me that my mood was dictating how things were going in our family that day.
Ouch! But I get that it was necessary. I was stressed and didn’t slow down enough to see I was on edge and snappy. Without even realizing it, I was taking it out on my family.
My mood was becoming contagious and not in a good way! Even though I could have come up with several justifications as to why my mood was reasonable, in the end it wasn’t ok.
I was grateful that my husband did the mature thing by calling me out, which totally shifted things into a better place.
Being aware and having a good accountability partner can help you keep your unhappy moods from infecting your environment. Just try to take the constructive criticism with an understanding heart and make the changes. You might need to take a breather (time out) to get re-centered before you engage again. Sometimes it’s hard to shift quickly.
Keep in mind this concept can work with positive attitudes too!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Communication, Family Issues, Healthy Living, marriage, Relationships, Stress | No Comments »
I read the blogs. I prepped the kids. My daughter would not have a meltdown on the plane if I could help it.
On a recent family vacation, I was very anxious about traveling out of the country with my 2 young children. I read several blogs to give me ideas before hand, but nothing matters until you are in the moment.
Step one- I had my 2 year old on the plane. Whew. But she wouldn’t get off my lap to sit in her seat. Panic set in! She wasn’t doing what we had talked about for weeks during our prep-talks.
The meltdown began and my anxiety skyrocketed.
I looked across the aisle at my husband and son and saw the two of them happily buckled in already playing on the iPad.
I tried bribing. Reasoning. Taking away the cool craft she picked out to do. Nothing was working. Ahhhh. My anxiety heighten. How was I going to pull this off?
Then I had this conversation in my head…Come on Teri. She’s had a fever this week. She has a cold. She got up at 4am. And she is in a new situation. She feels OUT OF CONTROL!
Then it hit my like lightening. Give her something to control! I asked her if she wanted to buckle her own seat belt in the seat she was in or if she wanted to switch seats with me and do it herself.
It worked like a charm! She wanted to sit in my seat. We quickly switched and she buckled herself in! She then quietly explored her surroundings with a sucker in hand and was ready for take off.
I give parenting advice everyday to clients, but in that moment all my knowledge went out the window. I had to re-focus and trust myself that I knew what to do in that moment. I got control of my anxiety and was able to take back control of the situation.
I encourage you to take a moment to breathe when you go into panic mode. Most of the time you aren’t as out of control as it feels. You just have to take a step back and trust yourself that you really do know what to do!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Traveling with kids
Posted in Family Issues, Fear, Parenting, Stress | No Comments »
Lysa Terkeurst describes victory as “the sum total of a whole lot of wise decisions, sacrificial decisions, that they made choice by choice, day by day.” (from her faith based book on food addiction “Made to Crave”)
This quote struck me as it applies to so many areas of live. Whether its overcoming addictions, trying to meet a goal, or working on your marriage.
The reality of this quote is that it takes consistent hard work to achieve victory. So often in my practice I see people that want things to just magically get better without putting the hard work in to make the necessary changes. The “quick fix” approach will often end in more discouragement.
Take your goal by the reigns and make every step count. Make one choice after the next to lead you down a path toward victory. Your hard work will pay off!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Goals, Healthy Living, Substance Abuse | No Comments »
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