So many people start therapy with the idea that they are going to “fix” their spouse. They are often surprised by the idea when I tell them ” The quickest way to change your spouse is to change yourself.
What? How can you change your spouse by changing yourself?
Most couples have a “dance” they follow. Sometimes they are following the others “lead”, which ends in a destructive pattern. Other times the dance ends with a positive connection.
The way you can change your spouse is by changing up the “dance”. If you want it to be a connection dance, then lead the way by not nagging, giving positive affirmations, and showing some genuine affection. Most times your spouse will start to reciprocate and follow your lead.
Don’t be disheartened if it does take a while though. Sometimes people have trouble trusting the change in the dance and have to “learn” some new steps. Doing some therapy might help figure out if there are any unresolved issues that keep your partner on the side lines not dancing.
Remember you only control you. Do everything YOU can do with consistency and enjoy your dance!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.