IHCG – Tammy Wilhelm's Blog
Things that make me go hmm…..
 |
Last Saturday I was heading out of town to visit family and decided to stop at a coffee shop in a small town on my way to grab a drink and get back on the road. There wasn’t anyone in line ahead of me, so I ordered my drink and looked around the store while I waiting for the Barista to make my drink. And I waited, and waited, and waited.
I didn’t think anything about it until 3 people who came in after me got their drinks and left. I thought they could have gotten theirs first since they ordered cold drinks and I ordered a hot one. Then 2 more people came and went. Then 2 more. Still no drink!
A different barista noticed I was waiting, inqires, but still I wait.
Now, I’m a person who uses her voice. I let people know how I feel especially when I feel offended. I’ll let you know straightforwardly by my words, and by my tone. I was about to say “Are you not making my drink on purpose?!” I wanted to call this guy out. But then I remembered reading Chapter 4 in Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued book. I stopped. I kept my mouth shut.
Chapter 4 of Unglued , goes over the types of “unglued” reactions we can all have. I am an exploder. Lysa explains that you don’t have to yell to be an exploder. It’s just about having reactions towards people in the moment that get all your nasty feelings out. However, when I do this, I feel horrible afterwards. I may not feel bad until and hour or a day later, but I end up shaming myself and feeling regretful.
I realized this standing at that counter in the coffee shop. I knew “If you say this, you’re going to keep spewing, and you’re gonna regret this as soon as you get 2 miles down the road”. I felt compelled to stop, and as Lysa points out in her book, “Conviction unlocks the greatest potential for change”.
Instead, I stood there with integrity as I waited for my drink. Even more people were served before I was, but I kept my cool. I smiled (well, I tried) as I got my drink, and before I walked out, I was handed a free drink coupon from the manager for my inconvenience.
When I got in my car, I was proud I kept it all together. I was angry, but I was proud I didn’t do anything I would soon be regretting, nor do anything that would disrespect another person. I prayed for that Barista, hoping that he’d have a better day than the way it seemed to be going. It’s hard to be mad at someone that you’re simultaneously praying for.
If you find yourself being an exploder too, or a stuffer who silently explodes later, read Lysa’s book. You’ll be so happy you did!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Lysa TerKeurst, Melissa Taylor, online bible studies, Unglued
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Have you ever been told you complain too much or focus too much on the negative? Do you find yourself wishing you could be more thankful or find the positive in things, even if they’re going bad? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then you might need to change your perspective. This week I wrote an article for MarriageAdvice.com that address how to change perspectives.
Visit http://www.marriageadvice.com/2012/change-your-perspective/ to read the article. I hope you enjoy!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Faith-Based Living, Healthy Living | 1 Comment »
I was listening to KLove Radio yesterday morning and they shared an awesome inspiring story about a man named Cliff Young.
Cliff was a 61 year old man who entered into Australia’s 500+ mile marathon race from Sydney to Melbourne. He showed up in overalls and workboots, whereas most of the competitors showed up in running attire. When told there was no way he could finish or even run the race, Cliff explained he was a farmer and when storms would come, he would have to corral the sheep because they didn’t have any tractors on the farm. Since the farm was over 2,000 acres, he would at times have to run multiple times over the 2,000 acres over 2-3 days to herd the sheep.
He was pretty confident he could run this race! At the start, Cliff was at the back of the pack. The race took place over 5 days, and the runners would rest at night. However, Cliff wasn’t aware of the resting part and kept going! He didn’t stop the whole 5 days & won the race. At the finish, he wasn’t aware there was a $10,000 reward and gave it to the other winners.
How many obstacles were in this man’s way? No one had faith in him. He saw he wasn’t as fast as the other runners. He was exhausted. But he kept going. He knew what he was capable of doing. In the face of opposition, he knew he could do it.
It goes to show us that comparing ourselves to other people won’t work! We know what we’re capable of, and even if we’re not as efficient at something as someone else, that doesn’t mean we can’t still achieve our goals.
Other people may be negative in our lives – it doesn’t mean they’re correct. It means they have an opinion, that’s all.
We get tired. Cliff Young showed that we need to go slow, at our OWN pace, and we will finish. Sometimes we’ll even finish first.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
If you own a dog or a cat then you know the loving relationship between owner and animal. A pet is dependable, loving and trustworthy. They’re always there to please.
Truthfully, we could learn a lot about how to treat our significant others by how we treat our pets.
What if we talked to our loved ones the way we talked to our dogs?
Sure, it might be funny at first to walk in the door after work and hear our spouse say, (insert doggie voice) “Hey there! How was your day? You get a lot accomplished? How are you feeling? You want to sit down and talk? I missed you….yes I did. I sure did miss you!”
Ok, it would be awkward at first. However, it is more refreshing than greeting each other with negativity about the day and “What’s for dinner?”
Try to make the first 60 seconds of your initial interaction with a loved one positive. Any requests or constructive complaints can come after this amount of time.
What if we touched each other as much as we touched our pets?
Petting our dog or cat is how we show love to them. We rub their bellies or grab their favorite toy to play.
Relationships need physical touch as well. I don’t mean just sex either. Hugs, hand-holding, and cuddling serve a purpose as well.
Imagine what would happen if you sat on the couch and cuddled more. Or went to bed at the same time and had pillow talk?
Do you “walk” your marriage just as you would your pet? Going out on dates, setting aside time in the evenings for conversation, or having a weekly check-in with each other can exercise your relationship and keep it healthy.
What if we forgave each other as we do our pets?
Pets have accidents in the house. Pets tear up our nice things. Pets make mistakes.
We still love them.
We talk to them in those silly voices. We let them sleep in our beds and snuggle up close.
Loved ones hurt our feelings. Significant others anger us. Spouses forget requests we’ve asked of them.
How do we respond? We give silent treatments. We lecture. We criticize & hold grudges. We sleep in separate bedrooms or on the couch.
What do we need to remember?
It’s not personal. Our pets do not have accidents in the house on purpose, neither do our loved ones intentionally set out to hurt or harm us.
We’re allowed to make mistakes. Extending grace in relationships is a very healing quality. Mistakes will happen. Period.
Practice the Golden Rule. Here’s a question I ask myself, “Would I want to be married to me right now?” That helps me determine what behavior I need to change and keep.
Do you love your spouse unconditionally as you love your pet?
*Post originally written for SimpleMarriage
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Communication, forgiveness, golden rule, physical touch
Posted in Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
My husband loves playing golf. And boy do I mean love. The first day the temperature is over 50 degrees and the golf-course is open, he’s playing. By the time March rolls around, he’s probably been out 10 times already, weather permitting.
I don’t play golf. I don’t enjoy golf. I’ll watch football, baseball and basketball all day long. But golf? Ugh. I can find better things to do with 4 hours of my precious time.
However, a couple of times a year, I end up on a golf course. And it’s the best time in the world. Really.
You see, it’s such a passion of my husbands, that there are times when he wants to share that passion with me. When he asks, “Do you want to go golfing with me today?”, I know this is a great opportunity to spend some quality time with him. He doesn’t ask often because he knows I don’t enjoy golf. But I go because I know he wants me there and it’s one his love languages. So, I’ll ride along in the golfcart, make fun of his swing (ha!) and hunt for that little white ball like it’s an Easter egg.
Don’t get me wrong, we have lots of things we generally do together, but sometimes couples need to “cross-over” and do things you wouldn’t normally do with your spouse. Doing things your significant other likes to do shows you’re invested in them. It also shows you’re not just interested in or only care about the things you personally enjoy.
And, if my husband were to write a similar blog it would say, “Sometimes You Have to Sit in the Theatre Chair”.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: love languages
Posted in Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
|
|
Imagine Hope BlogosphereBlogs by Imagine Hope Counselors
|
Teri Claassen's Blog
View Teri's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
Natalie Chandler's Blog
View Natalie's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
Joleen Watson's Blog
View Joleen's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
Tamara Wilhelm's Blog
View Tamara's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|