IHCG – Tammy Wilhelm's Blog
Things that make me go hmm…..
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Taking care of a yard is hard work. Through talking with various people, my husband discovered he missed the early Spring season to prevent the dandelions & other weeds from attacking our yard. He’d mow the yard, and the next day, yellow and white “flowers” would pop up everywhere.
He was told by several people, “You’ve missed your chance, it’s too late”. Here’s the thing I’ve come to know, love, and be cautious about with my husband: If you throw an obstacle in his way, he’ll still keep charging.
After a trip to the local hardware store, he finds out that it’s not too late, he can pick up with a mid-season treatment. And he did just that this weekend. Guess what? NO WEEDS!
Can you wait too long to start working on yourself?
Often times I hear clients say, “We should have done this years ago, we waited too long to save our marriage” or even ask, “Can I truly become a healthy person after all this time?”. Yes! I don’t ever believe it’s too late for anyone. If you are open to work and willing to change, I believe anything can happen.
What weeds are in your life?
What are the dandelions and crabgrass in your life? Is it being critical or bitter? An addiction? An affair? Depression or Anxiety? Maybe it’s grief or job dissatisfaction. Whatever your “weed” is, we all have them. Are you ready to start treating your yard (life/marriage)?
How do you start?
Just as my husband became frustrated with the way our yard looked, so do you have to become fed up with the weeds in your life or marriage. You have to be “sick & tired” of being “sick” and “tired”.
Next, you have to ask for help. Just as we headed to the hardware store for answers, so do you have to look for help. Maybe that’s a therapist, minister, friend, nutritionist or job coach. If you find non-encouraging people, stay strong! Don’t let that stop you. Trust your gut, don’t listen to the negative feedback.
Then, you have to do the work. You have to do the manual labor. It’s not a one-time thing either. Treating the yard may have been done this past weekend, but it’s something my husband will have to stay adamant about. Same applies to life. Getting help will require consistent work. But, you’ll have a beautiful “yard” at the end of it!
Whether your weeds are just sprouting or have been around for several years, there is hope. Good luck to each of you in your various yard work!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Depression, Faith-Based Living, Grief Issues, Healthy Living, Infidelity, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Sexual Addiction, Stress, Substance Abuse | No Comments »
It’s hard to believe it’s been this long, but 8 years ago this week I lost my father to cancer. What’s even harder for me to believe is how far I’ve come in my grieving process. When he first died, I couldn’t think past all the pain, tears and heartache I felt at the moment. Now, eight years later, I still have pain, yes, but less intensified.
Knowing this first week in March is coming starts for me in the middle of February. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach, dread that “the day” is coming. Every time I write the date I know this week is getting closer and closer. I get more tearful, emotionally fragile and I miss my dad.
Now, 8 years later, I know I’m going to be ok when this week hits. But, for the 1-Year anniversary of his death? I was a mess! I took the day off work, didn’t get out of my pajamas and allowed myself to cry and grieve. I needed to get past that “first”, and then all would be better.
Anyone who has lost a loved one, or who has lost a sense of security in a significant relationship knows what I’m talking about. Feeling a sense of grief & loss around the anniversary of when you experienced the initial loss is natural and expected. The intensity will decrease as the years pass. Will you still feel sad and tearful? Yes, you’re human. Will you still be ok? Yes.
Remember that loss can come in different packages. It doesn’t have to be death. It can be finding out about a spouses infedelity, a parent’s divorce, a miscarriage, loss of a pet, anything. Give yourself some grace and time to work through it.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Grief Issues, Stress | 1 Comment »
Last weekend I attended the funeral of a man who was my father’s best friend growing up and throughout their lives. I wasn’t close to this man personally, and hadn’t planned on the day stirring up any sadness, but I was wrong.
It’s been over 6 years since I’ve grieved the loss of my father. I’ve gone thru the stages of grief:
- Denial
- Sadness/Depression
- Bargaining
- Anger
- Acceptance
I’ve been in the acceptance part for a few years now. However, with the grief process, it has a tendency to catch us off guard sometimes. It sneaks up on us when we least expect it, and random events can spark sadness, anger, and pull us out of our acceptance without our permission.
Preparing for the day I was so focused on thinking about the man who died, that I forgot about his daughter…that’s what created the pain for me. Seeing his daughter grieving the loss of her dad, entering this new “club” of people who have lost their parents, and I knew exactly how she felt.
So, what do we do when current situations open up old hurtful wounds? Don’t fight it. Allow yourself to cry, talk about it with a loved one…get the feeling out. As I said before, grief can catch us off guard and hit us for no apparent reason at all. With time, the intensity will lessen.
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Depression, Grief Issues, Stress | No Comments »
With October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it’s amazing to see all the support, special events and education available. I’ve been surprised by all the involvement by various groups. Whether it’s seeing the staff at my local Kroger wearing their self-decorated pink shirts, or watching the last two NFL football Sundays with the pink hats, wristbands and shoes, it’s awesome how involved everyone gets.
This year for the first time I participated in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer walk downtown. It took my breath away as I saw the sea of pink behind me as I turned around and looked at all the other walkers/runners that day.
I’ve been blessed enough to be able to say that I don’t have any females in my life who have had breast cancer. I know alot of others haven’t been as fortunate. To those of you who have loved ones who haven’t been as fortunate, my heart goes out to you. I know what it’s like to lose a loved one to cancer. For those of you who have conquered this horrible monster, congratulations and God bless!
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Current Events, Grief Issues, Stress | Comments Off
There are weeks when there are “themes” or topics that come up as I see clients. One theme this week has been eulogies in one way or another. It got me to thinking (as I often have before) about how sad it is when our loved ones are gone that they don’t get to hear the wonderful things that we or others say about them.
Why wait to tell parents, friends, siblings or other family members how we truly feel, or things we regret saying/doing until it’s too late? I challenge all of us to say the things we want/need to say now before the opportunity is taken away from us. It’s not just so the other person can hear it, it’s also for our own benefit. To know there are no unspoken words between us and another can be good for our heart as well.
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Family Issues, Grief Issues, Relationships | Comments Off
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