IHCG – Tammy Wilhelm's Blog
Things that make me go hmm…..
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Have you ever been told you complain too much or focus too much on the negative? Do you find yourself wishing you could be more thankful or find the positive in things, even if they’re going bad? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then you might need to change your perspective. This week I wrote an article for MarriageAdvice.com that address how to change perspectives.
Visit http://www.marriageadvice.com/2012/change-your-perspective/ to read the article. I hope you enjoy!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Faith-Based Living, Healthy Living | 1 Comment »
If you own a dog or a cat then you know the loving relationship between owner and animal. A pet is dependable, loving and trustworthy. They’re always there to please.
Truthfully, we could learn a lot about how to treat our significant others by how we treat our pets.
What if we talked to our loved ones the way we talked to our dogs?
Sure, it might be funny at first to walk in the door after work and hear our spouse say, (insert doggie voice) “Hey there! How was your day? You get a lot accomplished? How are you feeling? You want to sit down and talk? I missed you….yes I did. I sure did miss you!”
Ok, it would be awkward at first. However, it is more refreshing than greeting each other with negativity about the day and “What’s for dinner?”
Try to make the first 60 seconds of your initial interaction with a loved one positive. Any requests or constructive complaints can come after this amount of time.
What if we touched each other as much as we touched our pets?
Petting our dog or cat is how we show love to them. We rub their bellies or grab their favorite toy to play.
Relationships need physical touch as well. I don’t mean just sex either. Hugs, hand-holding, and cuddling serve a purpose as well.
Imagine what would happen if you sat on the couch and cuddled more. Or went to bed at the same time and had pillow talk?
Do you “walk” your marriage just as you would your pet? Going out on dates, setting aside time in the evenings for conversation, or having a weekly check-in with each other can exercise your relationship and keep it healthy.
What if we forgave each other as we do our pets?
Pets have accidents in the house. Pets tear up our nice things. Pets make mistakes.
We still love them.
We talk to them in those silly voices. We let them sleep in our beds and snuggle up close.
Loved ones hurt our feelings. Significant others anger us. Spouses forget requests we’ve asked of them.
How do we respond? We give silent treatments. We lecture. We criticize & hold grudges. We sleep in separate bedrooms or on the couch.
What do we need to remember?
It’s not personal. Our pets do not have accidents in the house on purpose, neither do our loved ones intentionally set out to hurt or harm us.
We’re allowed to make mistakes. Extending grace in relationships is a very healing quality. Mistakes will happen. Period.
Practice the Golden Rule. Here’s a question I ask myself, “Would I want to be married to me right now?” That helps me determine what behavior I need to change and keep.
Do you love your spouse unconditionally as you love your pet?
*Post originally written for SimpleMarriage
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Communication, forgiveness, golden rule, physical touch
Posted in Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
My husband loves playing golf. And boy do I mean love. The first day the temperature is over 50 degrees and the golf-course is open, he’s playing. By the time March rolls around, he’s probably been out 10 times already, weather permitting.
I don’t play golf. I don’t enjoy golf. I’ll watch football, baseball and basketball all day long. But golf? Ugh. I can find better things to do with 4 hours of my precious time.
However, a couple of times a year, I end up on a golf course. And it’s the best time in the world. Really.
You see, it’s such a passion of my husbands, that there are times when he wants to share that passion with me. When he asks, “Do you want to go golfing with me today?”, I know this is a great opportunity to spend some quality time with him. He doesn’t ask often because he knows I don’t enjoy golf. But I go because I know he wants me there and it’s one his love languages. So, I’ll ride along in the golfcart, make fun of his swing (ha!) and hunt for that little white ball like it’s an Easter egg.
Don’t get me wrong, we have lots of things we generally do together, but sometimes couples need to “cross-over” and do things you wouldn’t normally do with your spouse. Doing things your significant other likes to do shows you’re invested in them. It also shows you’re not just interested in or only care about the things you personally enjoy.
And, if my husband were to write a similar blog it would say, “Sometimes You Have to Sit in the Theatre Chair”.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: love languages
Posted in Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
I recently had the honor of throwing my mom a surprise birthday party. It was something I had been planning in my head for a few years, as this was a major birthday for her. My brothers joined in to help, and it was a huge success.
We had a few of her friends and each of us kids get up and say kind words about her. I wanted her to know how much she was loved, how much she meant to everyone there, and how much she was valued. My focus was making my mom feel great. What I didn’t expect is the effect it would have on those who attended the party.
After we were all done boo-whooing from the small speeches given, a man approached me. He shared how he sang at funerals and listens to all the nice things being said about the dead person in the casket. He wonders if the people speaking ever had the chance to tell that person, who is now dead, how they felt while they were alive? He then proceeded to say, “What you’ve done for your mom this evening is just that. You kids were able to let her know exactly how you and other people love her and appreciate her while she’s alive. You don’t know what a great gift that is.” He then shared how he will approach his loved ones differently and share how he feels with them while he has the chance.
Wow. I thought I was throwing a birthday party and I got a whole lot more! But it’s true. It’s so important to share how we feel about people while they’re alive because we’re never guaranteed a “later” time. I know this is a message that so many people share, but it’s shared because it’s true.
If there’s something you need to say to someone, or someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time, I encourage you to give them a call. Or maybe it’s someone you see everyday or every week that you need to pause and let them know how much you appreciate and value them. Either way, I challenge you to do it. It’s amazing what it can create, and the momentum it can spark.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Family Issues, Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
Every time I hear this song, it makes me think about how we can become naturally self-absorbed and be unaware of the needs of others at times. The artist, Matthew West, does a great job reminding us to “wake up” so-to-speak and realize that in this world, it is not just about “me”. Enjoy the following lyrics.
My Own Little World by Matthew West
In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry or always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me
I try to stay awake through the Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate but I never give ’til it hurts
and I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
it’s easy to do when it’s
population me
What if there’s a bigger picture
what if I’m missing out
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
outside my own little world
Stopped at the red light, looked out my window
Outside the car, saw a sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Just above this sign was the face of a human
I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down my window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by
I gave her some money then I drove on through
in my own little world there’s
Population two
What if there’s a bigger picture
what if I’m missing out
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
outside my own little world
Start breaking my heart for what breaks Yours
give me open hands and open doors
put Your light in my eyes and let me see
that my own little world is not about me.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: matthew west, my own little world
Posted in Faith-Based Living, Healthy Living | No Comments »
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