IHCG – Tammy Wilhelm's Blog
Things that make me go hmm…..
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I recently had the honor of throwing my mom a surprise birthday party. It was something I had been planning in my head for a few years, as this was a major birthday for her. My brothers joined in to help, and it was a huge success.
We had a few of her friends and each of us kids get up and say kind words about her. I wanted her to know how much she was loved, how much she meant to everyone there, and how much she was valued. My focus was making my mom feel great. What I didn’t expect is the effect it would have on those who attended the party.
After we were all done boo-whooing from the small speeches given, a man approached me. He shared how he sang at funerals and listens to all the nice things being said about the dead person in the casket. He wonders if the people speaking ever had the chance to tell that person, who is now dead, how they felt while they were alive? He then proceeded to say, “What you’ve done for your mom this evening is just that. You kids were able to let her know exactly how you and other people love her and appreciate her while she’s alive. You don’t know what a great gift that is.” He then shared how he will approach his loved ones differently and share how he feels with them while he has the chance.
Wow. I thought I was throwing a birthday party and I got a whole lot more! But it’s true. It’s so important to share how we feel about people while they’re alive because we’re never guaranteed a “later” time. I know this is a message that so many people share, but it’s shared because it’s true.
If there’s something you need to say to someone, or someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time, I encourage you to give them a call. Or maybe it’s someone you see everyday or every week that you need to pause and let them know how much you appreciate and value them. Either way, I challenge you to do it. It’s amazing what it can create, and the momentum it can spark.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Family Issues, Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
What is marriage counseling really? A majority of marriage counseling work is each individual person doing their own separate work which will in fact affect the marriage as a whole. I don’t think any therapist can argue that BOTH individuals bring issues into a marriage, not just one person. Therefore, both people will have separate issues to work on in order for the marriage to work effectively. Each person in a marriage must quit focusing on how hard their significant other is/is not working, and not let that play a part in how hard they decide to work. Sometimes this confuses clients, and they ask, “How can us working on something completely different from each other affect the marriage, and why shouldn’t we pay attention to how hard the other is working/why not focus on them?”
How I explain this in session is to use a football team analogy. Each part of the offense has to work on their specific jobs on the field in order for the team to be successful. The offensive line must block effectively to keep the quarterback protected & allow him enough time to hand off to the running back, or pass down the field to the wide receiver or tight end. In return, the RB, WR & TE must do their work of running the right route, catching the ball, holding onto it, and having great footwork to make it into the end zone. Without each of these parts doing their own individual work, the team as a whole will suffer. The QB can’t say to his offensive line, “If you block for me better, then I’ll work on my passing”, just as a Wide Receiver can’t say to the QB, “If you throw me better lead passes, then I’ll start dragging my foot in the end zone”. Each position has to do their own job, quit focusing on the other position player, and do their own work!
With marriage, don’t make it a game of ”I’ll change if you change”, or “You’re not working hard, therefore I don’t have to either”. In marriage, each person needs to keep the focus on themselves & work on their own issues. If a couple is able to do this, they will be able to reduce defenses, and gain alot of yardage (progress) as well. Hey, maybe even a marriage touchdown!
P.S. GO COLTS!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: colts, Communication, football, sports
Posted in Boundaries, Family Issues, Marriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
Here’s Imagine Hope’s recent blog on Susan Heid’s website, The Confident Mom. We’re honored to be guest blogger’s on Susan’s site (http://www.theconfidentmom.com). This month’s post is on Positive Parenting, and how Boundaries can help your child. I hope you enjoy! To read the post, click here: http://www.theconfidentmom.com/relationships/setting-boundaries-children/
Tags: children, parenting
Posted in Boundaries, Family Issues | No Comments »
A few months ago I heard a startling and sad statistic. Over $3million is spent EVERY SECOND on pornography. I’m not saying every person who spends money on pornography is an addict, but I am saying that alot of that money is being spent by addicts.
Some addictions can be abstained from, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc. However, there are some addictions where there is a slippery slope and unclear boundary line. Some of these include sex, food & spending. With these 3, it would be ridiculous (and life threatening in the case of food) to abstain from them altogether. This is why it’s hard to find that “what’s appropriate?” line when it comes to sexual addiction.
We’ve seen relationships & marriages struggle and self-esteem be shattered by this sad, but widespread addiction. For the most part, it is generally men who struggle with the addiction, but there are women who identify themselves as sexual addicts. Wives have questioned their attractiveness and feel broken when facing a husbands sexual addiction. It’s not only important for the addict to get help, but those closely involved to seek healing as well.
If you find yourself struggling with this issue in your life & where that boundary is for yourself, then you might want to seek further information on this topic. Some good resources are Sex Addicts Anonymous, or either of these two books: Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes or a christian resource, Every Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker. A christian resource addressing this issue for women in a relationship with a male with a sexual addiction is Every Heart Restored by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker.
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Boundaries, Current Events, Family Issues, Infidelity, Marriage Counseling, Relationships, Sexual Addiction | 1 Comment »
There are weeks when there are “themes” or topics that come up as I see clients. One theme this week has been eulogies in one way or another. It got me to thinking (as I often have before) about how sad it is when our loved ones are gone that they don’t get to hear the wonderful things that we or others say about them.
Why wait to tell parents, friends, siblings or other family members how we truly feel, or things we regret saying/doing until it’s too late? I challenge all of us to say the things we want/need to say now before the opportunity is taken away from us. It’s not just so the other person can hear it, it’s also for our own benefit. To know there are no unspoken words between us and another can be good for our heart as well.
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Family Issues, Grief Issues, Relationships | Comments Off
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