My husband and I love the line from the movie Rush Hour when Jackie Chan asks, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?” to which Chris Tucker answers, “No one understands the words that are coming out of your mouth!” Isn’t communication exactly this way sometimes?! We have conversations with others and no matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to get on the same page.

One thing that can get in the way of communication can be a concept we talk about alot here at Imagine Hope called Shame. Shame can be described as toxic guilt and as a critical inner voice that affects the way we process/interpret our interactions with others. Shame can act as a filter over your ears that can twist the way we hear things. Shame can make constructive criticism sound much more critical and hurtful than what it’s really intended to be.  If you find yourself identifying with any of the following, you might have some levels of shame:

• worrying about what others think about you
• being a perfectionist
• an inability to say no
• worrying or “catastrophizing” (coming up with worst case scenarios) or waking up with anxiety for days without any trigger
• hating it when people are angry with you
• being a compulsive helper
• and many others

So, if you find yourself in situations where you don’t feel as though your point is getting across, or the person you’re having the conversation with is saying they don’t feel they can get things across to you, it might be beneficial to see if shame is interfering in your communication. I encourage you to not get defensive and keep trying to communicate exactly what you’re trying to say, and keep an open mind if you’re the one who’s listening.

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.