In honor of Father’s Day, this week Imagine Hope is talking about some characteristics of a healthy father.  Do any of the characteristics from this week remind you of your Dad?

A healthy father provides protection for his family.

When we think of protection, we usually think physical protection.  A healthy father makes sure that his family is safe from danger.

He is physically present.  He sets limits with how many things he does outside of the family and makes sure his is physically there and involved in the family.

He makes sure his family has a roof over their heads and food on the table (the best that he can, especially during difficult times). He doesn’t use finances in a way that takes away from his family’s physical safety and protection.

While this is one way of providing protection, there are more that are just as important.

A healthy father protects his family emotionally.  He keeps his emotions in check– and though he has a full range of feelings, he doesn’t allow those feelings to take over (e.g., he isn’t reactive or raging, his isn’t moody and he doesn’t take his feelings out on those around him).

A healthy father also nurtures the feelings, thoughts and needs of his children (and wife). He is able to respect their feelings and make sure his children and wife feel respected and heard.  This makes him an emotionally safe and protective person.

A healthy father is mentally protective.  He sets boundaries with things outside of the family that interfere with the family system running smoothly.  He listens to what the family unit needs and makes sure that he follows through with saying no to things that interfere with this.  He is a leader.

Do you recognize any of these characteristics in your own father?

I hope you are able to celebrate father’s day with your Dad this year– Father’s are such an important part of the family!  Happy Father’s Day to all of the Dads out there!

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Black and White Thinking

Black and white thinking is when you look at something as all good or all bad;  right or wrong;  believing that something can be only one way or another without anything in-between.  Black and white thinking is just that– either black or white, with no “shades of grey”.

Shoulds and Musts

When we think or say “I SHOULD”, or “I MUST”, this only puts pressure on ourselves and sets up unrealistic expectations.  For example “I should get this house cleaned today”… “Should-ing” yourself only leads to feelings of shame and guilt, which aren’t healthy motivators for change.

Memories

Current situations and events can trigger upsetting memories, leading us to believe that the danger is here and now, rather than in the past, causing us distress right now.  For example, if you used to be in a relationship where your partner got quiet every time he/she was angry with you and right before they would explode with rage, which caused you a great amount of distress.  Now, in your current relationship, every time your partner gets quiet, you attribute it to them being angry and withdrawing attention from you, causing you distress all over again, even though your current partner isn’t angry and doesn’t rage.  The only difference is that in the current situation, the uncomfortable feelings are imposed upon the other person and not necessarily true.

What unhelpful thinking habits did you notice this week?

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling.  Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

We will continue on with our unhelpful thinking habits today. If you haven’t read the previous ones, definitely go back. They are worth your time in reading.

Compare and dispair
This is when we compare ourselves to everyone else, and we fall short. Everyone else looks like a supermodel to you, talks like a Harvard professor, and has chivalry and manners like Prince Charming. You, however, see yourself as a frumpy, plain Jane, feel inferior to anyone who can read, and see your manners as those of a 2 year-old! This could be a slight exaggeration. But the point is, you see good in other people and bad in yourself.

Catastrophising
This is simple seeing the worst in situations. The toilet overflows and you start screaming about how horrible of a day it’s going to be and that you’ll be fired from your job! When in reality, you might be late and yes, the day will be challenging, but not earth shattering.

This is dangerous in relationships. We can feel like the smallest things are overwhelming and huge and place that on our partner or kids. It’s important to keep our thoughts reeled in. Ask yourself questions like, “What is the worse that can happen? I might be late? Okay, I can handle that. I am only human.”

Critical Self
When you put yourself down, blame yourself for things that aren’t totally your fault (or not at all), or when you are highly critical of yourself, you struggle with having a “Critical Self”. It is like you have a constant monkey on your back criticizing every move you make as a person, employee or boss, a parent, or just being a human being! You take responsibility for things that you don’t need to and get angry at yourself for making mistakes. This is a horrible way to live. It truly is like being in an abusive relationship with someone but it’s yourself.

If you feel you struggle with one of the thoughts we are talking about this week, it is normal. But if you struggle with many of them, you may want to seek counseling to help. These thoughts can lead to anxiety, depression, difficult relationships, and honestly, a very challenging life.

Thank you for reading and we look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

We all have moments of not thinking clearly. Many people have cognitive distortions, or unhelpful thinking habits, that can add stress to an already difficult situation.

This week we are going to describe some of these negative thought patterns with the hopes that you will catch yourself next time it hits. Once you notice the pattern, it is important to take a step back from your thoughts and shift your them back into reality that based on the facts you know as truth, rather than the twisted thoughts in your head.

Mental Filter

Do you have a mental filter that all your thoughts go through? Is the filter made up of positive threads or negative threads?

If you have a mental filter made up of negative threads, your thoughts might be tainted before they even register. It is like looking through dark, dirty glasses and all you see is the yuck.

The danger of this thinking habit is that we will often filter out parts that are true because they don’t fit with our negative thinking. The positive or realistic parts of the situation are dismissed and not given any further thought when you have a negative mental filter.

Thanks for reading. Check back in tomorrow for more info on unhelpful thinking habits!

Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

This is one of my most loved books as a child and as a parent. It’s a very simple book. The pictures are of a bunny so you assume he is the main character who is talking. He goes through his room and says goodnight to everything in his room, including his hairbrush, his mush, and his red balloon. He says goodnight to his mittens, his kittens, and his toys. He eventually ventures further out of his room (in his thoughts) and whispers good night to the stars, the air, and of course, the moon.

So what is the lesson here? To me and my children, this book reminds us to slow down at night, look all around you and be grateful for what you have. Did you hear that?

1. Slow down

2. Look all around you and be grateful for what you have. 

This is timeless but especially important in the times we live in. We are so busy, moving at a break-neck pace, and rarely “stop and smell the roses”. This book reminds us to do just that.

What I also love is that he doesn’t just acknowledge the big things in his life like his food, his clothes, and his Mom (I assume the old lady whispering hush is his Mommy:) ) but he acknowledges the small things in his life, too like his comb, the picture on the wall, and even the little mouse who is running around his room. And then he moves on to the big things that are important yet we all take them for granted everyday- the moon, stars, and the air.  It is a reminder to be grateful for ALL things. I just love it!

I hope you will take some time today to say Goodnight to the moon and think of what else you are grateful for. Thank you for reading and we can look forward

Written by Natalie Chandler