Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
- Opportunities to Build Trust
Trust is an essential ingredient in every relationship. Trust is extremely important in marriages, romantic relationships, with your children and other family members. When the person you’re in a relationship with feels a lack of trust with you, they lose hope and a sense resentment starts to build.
How do you begin to build trust with this relationship? First, start by modeling it. Do you personally display trustworthy behavior between you everyone you come into contact with on a daily basis? It doesn’t matter if it’s your spouse or if it’s a co-worker. Are you demonstrating trust in every aspect of your life? Secondly, do you follow-through on things you state you’re going to take action towards? If you commit to doing x, y, and z, do you do it? When you follow through with your word it creates trust with others.
If you are able to do these things, the people in your life will respond well to you when you’re trying to connect with them or hold them accountable for their behavior.
Think of this like jumping jacks. Before you can do some heavy exercise, you have to start small and get your blood pumping. Relationships work the same way. If there’s any distance or disconnect between you and another person, you must start small if you eventually want to start repairing the relationship.
What do emotional warm-ups look like? Again, think small. Leave a positive hand-written note, send a nice text, give a compliment. You get the point. From here you can start building up to a short conversation with your significant other, watching a tv show together with your teen or phone conversation with the friend you haven’t spoken to in months. Eventually you may reach your desired goal.
Remember, you cannot start at your end goal. Look for smaller victories when you’re trying to nurture relationships. If you start bigger, you’ll probably find yourself frustrated and more apt to throw in the towel too soon.
I hope you’re finding these tips helpful and useful. Please check back in tomorrow for more tips to nurture your relationships. Thank you for reading!
*Source: Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager by Scott Sells, Ph.D.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Parenting your out of control teenager, Scott Sells Ph. D.
Posted in boundaries, communication, Family Issues, Marriage, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Relationships, Trust | No Comments »
We all have moments where we stop and think “I should call and check on so-and-so to see how they are”, or “I should really make an effort with this person to do more”. Life often has a way of getting in between relationships—whether they are friendships, your family, or even your marriage.
Relationships don’t just happen. They take time, effort, love, patience, sacrifice, and nurturing to keep them in existence and to help them grow. This week at Imagine Hope we are talking about the importance of nurturing relationships, and steps you can take to better any relationships that you may not be giving your full time or attention to.
How has the relationship been deprived? Relationships often suffer because we don’t make them a priority. Think about how much time you invest in things such as watching your favorite television shows, surfing the internet and social media, cheering on your beloved sports team, etc.—then compare that with the amount of time that you devote to your spouse, children, family, or friends. If you aren’t devoting time, the relationship often won’t survive.
Are you communicating with this person? The more you communicate, the stronger the relationship will become. Make sure to be honest, open, and kind—even when there are disagreements. Are you able to approach difficulties with a positive attitude and find compromise? Can you support one another emotionally while still maintaining your own point of view? If your relationship is deprived of communication, it won’t grow and will cease to exist eventually.
Keep reading this week as we provide additional tips and ways that you can nurture relationships in your own life. Thanks for reading!
Source: Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager by Scott Sells, PhD
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager by Scott Sells PhD
Posted in Abandonment, communication, Family Issues, Marriage, Parenting, Parenting Teens, Relationships | No Comments »
You’ve learned safe communication, are comfortable hearing other’s opinions and beliefs, and have shared your own. The next level is deeper- sharing your feelings and experiences.
At this level, we share things that have brought us joy and what has brought us great pain. We share what have succeeded at but mostly some of our mistakes. We share about what we want and don’t want for the future and even share some of our goals.
This level truly makes us more vulnerable because we don’t want to be judged by our past or even our current feelings. When the person hears more of who we are on this level, we are more at risk for being abandoned.
But this is a very important stage in intimacy. If no one can get this close and find out what we truly feel and what we really want, they can’t make an informed decision whether you are someone they want to be with. And the same goes for you. If someone won’t share these thoughts/feelings with you, then you can’t make an informed decision whether to go further in the relationship.
Although it is a risky stage, it is an important one. And once you experience it, you will see the benefits and importance of this level of intimacy.
Tomorrow Joleen will share about needs, emotions, and desires. A very important level of intimacy as well.
Thank you for reading!
*Material Adapted from: powertochange.com “The Five Levels of Intimacy” by Barbara Wilson
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: 5 levels of intimacy, levels of intimacy
Posted in communication, Intimacy | No Comments »
This level of intimacy is about taking small risks, while still allowing some protective barriers to exist. This stage is often where we start to share opinions, thoughts, and beliefs.
We may start to share our opinions on more controversial things, such as “You don’t spend enough time with me.” However, if we start to feel too vulnerable with someone, we can pull back in order to try to avoid an argument.
This level is a little more intimate because we put down some walls in order to express our thoughts and opinions. However, it still isn’t deep because we can say we have changed our minds or switched our opinions if things start to feel uncomfortable or painful. This allows us to protect ourselves from rejection, criticism, and arguments we may not be ready to have.
Continue to read this week as we cover the remaining stages of the 5 Levels of Intimacy. Have a Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥
*Material Adapted from: powertochange.com “The Five Levels of Intimacy” by Barbara Wilson
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: 5 levels of intimacy
Posted in communication, Intimacy, Relationships | No Comments »
During this stage, we start making ourselves more vulnerable to each other than we did in the first stage (discussed yesterday). While we’re not quite comfortable yet sharing our own personal opinions just yet, we’re more likely to share what someone else thinks or believes to see what kind of reaction it gets from our partner.
Sharing things such as “My best friend believes…..” or “My favorite blogger says……” allows us to test the waters with our loved one and see how they respond, without offering our own opinions or beliefs. What this allows us to do is to avoid and sidestep any rejection our significant other might display toward that belief or thought.
This level is more intimate than the first level, but not very “deep” in the overall scope of things. A major reason why this level is still not very “deep” is because we’re still not sharing our beliefs and distancing ourselves from our own opinions for fear of criticism or rejection.
However, as a relationship grows, so does that intimacy. Check back in tomorrow for another deeper level of intimacy. Thanks for reading!
*Material Adapted from: powertochange.com “The Five Levels of Intimacy” by Barbara Wilson
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: levels of intimacy
Posted in communication, Relationships | No Comments »
Love is in the air as we look forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day this week!
Relationships aren’t just about romance and feeling “that loving feeling”. They are about feeling safe enough to be intimate with your partner on all levels and completely sharing yourself with another person. This week we will dig into different levels of intimacy for you to be more intentional about intimacy in all your relationships- and not just your romantic ones!
Intimacy Level #1: Safe Communication
There isn’t much risk with this level of intimacy. This communication is the common surface interactions we have with people we might not know well or at all. Comments about weather, facts, obvious statements, and idle chitchat are all part of this stage.
Due to this stage not revealing much about ourselves, there is little chance of rejection. This is what makes it “safe”. Mastering this stage is easier than most, and can open doors for us to move into the next stage.
Benefits of this stage are that you feel safe without the chance of judgement or being hurt by others. But beware- getting stuck in this stage can create a lack of depth and fulfillment that come with the other stages. Even though it might be easy to remain in this stage, you never connect with others in a way you can feel loved and known.
Read about stage #2 tomorrow!
Material Adapted from: powertochange.com “The Five Levels of Intimacy” by Barbara Wilson
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in communication, Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
We all want to have our parnter be our biggest listener and support system when something is going wrong in life (and even when it isn’t!). But what happens when you feel as though the person who needs to be your biggest supporter isn’t doing their “job”? What if we haven’t even
ASKED them to be in this role, but we just expect it anyway, as a ‘given’?
Today’s “Love Knot” is when I tell you how I feel, you interrupt me, disagree with me, give advice, judge or dismiss my feelings… then I stop telling you and distance from you.
This is also known as “The Judge”.
What can we do with our partner when we are entangled in the “judge” love knot?
Remember that if you want them to listen to you and hear you, you have to ask them.
Remember that it’s not a gift to give advice or comments when the other person isn’t asking for them (or if they’ve told you they don’t want them).
Listen for deeper meaning in what your partner’s telling you– really listen to the information being presented without forming an automatic opinion.
Recognize that listening is truly the most important gift you can give to any relationship– it means the difference between connection and disconnection with your partner.
Source: “If You Really Loved Me…” by Lori Gordon
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: "If you really loved me..." by Dr. Lori Gordon, Love Knots
Posted in boundaries, Codependency, communication, Emotional needs, marriage counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that because someone doesn’t remember something, that it is not important to them. It is even more difficult to not take it personally when it’s our partner. Think about how often people (outside of our significant relationships) don’t remember our names, our birthdays, or other things we have told them before. We tend to let those go more easily. It’s just “part of life”. But when it’s our partner- OUCH! We think it’s personal.
It’s important to offer the same grace to them that we offer to others. Here are some things that might help you do that:
1. Realize your expectations are unrealistic.
If you believe your partner should remember everything you’ve told them, you are being unrealistic. We are all torn in different directions- between work, raising families, surviving economic difficulty, and various other challenges. We are all distracted. Keep your expectations realistic.
2. Get your partners attention.
Let your partner know that what you are talking about is very important to you. Ask them if they could please put the ipad down, look at you and discuss something for a second. I have found that this saves time and arguments in the long-run. Especially if you let your partner know ahead of time that this is something you would like to work on. Let them know that you would like to start helping them be aware when you want to discuss something that you need them to remember. This will give them a heads up, rather than feeling frustrated in the moment.
3. Don’t take it personally!
Remember- if they forget something, it’s not a reflection of how they feel about you. It’s more a reflection of how much they have on their mind.
These are great reminders to us all. Please follow up tomorrow with our last “love knot” from Joleen. Thank you for reading and enjoy your week.
Source: “If you really loved me…” by Dr. Lori Gordon
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: Love Knots
Posted in Codependency, communication, Family Issues, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
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