Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
To help the treatment from your provider work better, there are several things that you can do on your own:
Stay healthy and fit:
Do somthing active every day. Try to take walks or when cleared by your health care provider, go back to the gym or get back into your regular exercise regimin.
Eat healthy food and snacks. Try to make food choices that include balanced foods, instead of junk foods, sweets and salty foods.
Get as much rest as you can. Try to sleep when your baby sleeps.
Do not consume alcohol. This includes beer, wine coolers, hard liquor, or other types of alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, which slows down your body and makes you feel more depressed in the long run. Alcohol will also interfere with any medications you might be taking for Postpartum depression.
Lower your stress:
Make sure to do recreational activities that you enjoyed before pregnancy and birth. Take a class, listen to your favorite music, meet friends out, or read a good book. Even when your time is very limited, it’s important to incorporate old hobbies and activities back into your life when you can.
Do not make any major life changes right after having a baby. These include job changes, re-locations or changing homes, etc. These kinds of changes can add more stress that is unnecessary. Having a baby is a big life change in itself, and it’s better to allow your life to resume with some sense of normalcy before introducing further changes.
Talk to your boss about going back to work. Discuss the possibility of working from home or working part-time when you first go back, which can lower stress and help you cope better with the postpartum depression.
Ask for and ACCEPT help:
Let others help around the house. This might include laundry, cleaning bathrooms, cooking meals, grocery shopping, running errands, or asking friends and family to help with the baby. Don’t feel like you need to do everything on your own to be a “good parent”. Don’t be afraid to tell people what you are needing.
Keep in touch with the people who are important to you in life and try not to isolate. Tell your partner, friends and family how you are feeling.
Take time for yourself. Along with old hobbies and recreational things, it’s important to have alone time whenever possible. This could be used for self-care (manicure, pedicure, haircut and style, reading or journaling, exercise, yoga, etc.) or for fun. Becoming a parent means constant demands for time and attention, and self-care is vital to having enough energy and motivation in your “tank” to be able to provide for a little one when needed.
Have you recognized any tips for postpartum depression that might apply to you or be helpful in your recovery process?
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Healthy Living, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Individual Therapy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Parenting, Postpartum Depression | No Comments »
If you haven’t read questions 1-18 yet, please go back and read them. These are excellent questions this week.
19. Would you ever consider having an affair? If either of you answered yes to this, get help immediately! That is a slippery slope to be considering that. Many people lie to themselves, justify affairs and believe they will actually HELP the relationship. This is a myth! If you really feel so confident that an affair will help, talk to your spouse about it. Get his/her permission first! And if by chance they give you the go ahead, get help immediately! Definitely something is wrong in the relationship that needs tended to.
20. Are you excited about your future together? Hopefully you share dreams together. It’s important to live in the present but hope for the future. What do you plan to do when you grow old? What do you want to do for vacation this summer? Get excited and dream together!
21. Do you feel your relationship is a true partnership? If not, it’s time to talk! Relationships should definitely be partnerships. Each partner needs to give and take, understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Try to utilize one partners strength where the other is weak. If a relationship feels like a parent/child relationship, there is a problem and some outside help might be needed. This can create various issues that we can save for another blog.
22. When was your last romantic outing? It is very important for couples to continue dating. Part of what you enjoyed about each other was the time you spent together…alone. Make it a priority to go out on a date at least once a month (more if you don’t have kids!) and have “at home dates” after the kids go to bed. Turn off the tv, computers, phones and play a game, have a quiet dinner, or anything you do to relax 
23. Does it bother you if your partner has friends of the opposite sex and why? This question is tricky. It is so important to have good boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. If you don’t, emotional affairs can start and sometimes even sexual affairs. It’s important for you and spouse to decide on the boundaries. And it’s even more important to talk about them if one of the boundaries is broken. This isn’t being possessive. It’s being accountable.
24. Do you accept each other’s belief systems? People are much more flexible with people’s belief systems before they get married. Usually it’s because they think they can change it. It’s important to not only respect other’s beliefs but also to try to understand them and how it relates to your partner.
Hopefully these questions will get some conversations started with your partner. Thank you for reading. Check back tomorrow for the rest of the questions.
Source: “30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship” by Terez Williamson on tinybuddah.com
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: Good questions to ask a relationship, Terez Williamson
Posted in Marriage, Relationship Addiction | No Comments »
13. How do you feel when your partner arrives home after being away? This is a good barometer for how you feel about your partner. Do you look forward or dread seeing them after time apart. Absence should make the heart grow fonder, not resentful.
14. Is your partner your best friend? Friendship, playfulness and respect are all healthy and essential components of a healthy loving relationship. Is your partner the first one you want to tell when you have exciting news, or when you need encouragement? Are you a good friend to your partner?
15. Is there a secret you are keeping that if your partner knew, you would feel you would lose them? This question speaks to trust, vulnerability, and shame. Secrets foster shame and make vulnerability seem bigger than it is. Secrets destroy trust which is essential to a lasting relationship. If you are keeping secrets, it is important to ask yourself what that means.
16. Do you feel that your partner accepts you? Authentic love knows who you are. Are you the real deal with your partner? Does your partner accept that you are imperfectly beautiful in your own right? Do you have to put on a show or wear a mask to keep your partner or do you allow yourself to be the true you around them?
17. When did you realize you had fallen in love and how do you feel when you think about it? Falling in love is often an exciting time! You have lots of feel good hormones flowing enabling you to get close to your partner. Sometimes people feel scared, or apprehensive, or angry, or vulnerable, or elated, or excited, or relieved! How did you feel?
18. Have you seen each other at your best and worst? Now, we don’t all need to catch a nasty stomach bug and do all that in plain view of our partner. However, we can wake up without the need to be completely dressed and presentable before she wakes up. Can you imagine him showing up early for your date while you are still in yoga pants and sweaty from your Zumba class? What would be the reaction?
These are all good questions to ponder. Tomorrow Natalie will help us with identifying more helpful ways to look at our relationships. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Terez Williamson, Tinybudda.com
Posted in Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Premarital issues, Relationships | No Comments »
#7 – When you think of your partner, do you smile? – Is your gut reaction to smile when you think of your spouse or your significant other? We hope so! If your initial reaction is to roll your eyes or take a deep breath, then why? If your reaction is to feel warmth and love then pay attention to those feelings.
#8 – Do you feel threatened when others find your partner attractive, and why? - The answers to these questions are very important. They reveal where these insecurities arise from. Pay attention if your answers come from your partners actual behaviors or from within yourself and your own insecurities.
#9 – Do you believe your partner is your biggest advocate? - We all need a cheering squad from time to time to encourage us along the way. This may comprise of family, friends, and our significant other. Having your partner in your corner is extremely important – and vice versa. Have they stood up for you in the past when you’ve need them the most? Do you do the same for them?
#10 – How do you feel about your partner’s views on finances? - Do you respect your partners spending habits and personal views on money? Do you argue about money and how it’s spent? Money is one of the top reasons couples seek counseling. Get on the same page by talking to your partner about what money means to each of you (safety, freedom, control, etc…).
#11 – Do you enjoy spending time with your partner’s relatives? Friends? - Is this an area of arguments? Do you love your partners family and believe their friends are extended family?
#12 – Do either of you dredge up resentments in arguments, and why have you struggled to let them go?- Are you holding onto resentments because you feel “unheard” in arguments and therefore, keep bringing up the argument? Or, are you trying to punish your partner and make them pay for something they’ve done but have apologized for? Maybe there’s another reason?
With all of these questions we’re providing you this week, the answers all lie within you. The goal is to get you thinking and reflecting – if you’re questioning the relationship you’re in. It’s always best to take the focus off the other person and put it on yourself – since the only control we truly have is over ourselves. Thank you for reading.
*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
Everyone questions themselves…did I make the right or wrong choice? Should or shouldn’t I? Why do I do that? etc.
Questions are a normal part of the human experience. Asking them and looking for answers can give you insight and clarity into your life and the path to walk down. Walking blindly without asking yourself key questions could end in some avoidable pain.
The questions we are sharing this week can help you sort through your relationship and help you evaluate how healthy it is. We hope they challenge you to work towards a healthier relationship!
#1- Do you completely trust each other?- Trust is an important part of partnership. If trust gets broken, the relationship could fall apart quickly.
#2- Do you believe in soul mates, and if so do you believe you are each others?- Some people believe that you are meant to be with someone specific in this world. Many think of it in a romanticized “fate-like” way, but I believe a soul mate is more someone who is able to touch and connect with you in your soul. It requires trust, connection, and a lot of vulnerability.
#3- When was the last time you said, “I love you?” If it’s been a while, why?- Affirming your love for your partner is important. We shouldn’t just assume that they “know”… we need to let our partner know that we love them by showing it and saying it!
#4- Are you satisfied with the intimacy you share?- This doesn’t just mean sexually, but also emotionally. Does your relationship meet your emotional needs? Is there depth to the connection you share? The more emotionally vulnerable you are with your partner, the more satisfying the intimacy will be.
#5- How often do you laugh together?- Having fun in a relationship is vital to longevity. Being playful and laughing together can create a powerful connection.
#6- Do you feel you have made personal sacrifices for your relationship, and have they been reciprocated?- Give and take is part of a healthy relationship. It can’t be all your way or your partner’s way. Compromise is necessary for both members of the relationship.
Keep reading tomorrow for more important questions to ask about your relationship!
Source: “30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship” by Terez Williamson on tinybuddah.com
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks
What do you do with your feelings about small (and not-so-small) situations that happen in your marriage? Do you share them with your spouse and get clarification with them? Do you let them see who you really are? Or do you keep them stuffed away (as Natalie wrote about in yesterday’s post)?
When feeling “unglued”, sometimes we will collect what is termed “Retaliation Rocks”. These are things we use as a weapon for future disagreements. For example: Your spouse doesn’t help with housework, but you don’t say anything to he/she about how this feels. You stuff the feelings away in a corner of your heart. Later on (sometimes years later), your spouse doesn’t initiate a date night and “A-HA!”… You just KNEW it! They don’t love you and don’t feel you are important (not true), so you explode on them, using one incident (or many) about just how “unimportant” you must really be to them! The problem with this is…. it’s not true! You never shared with them how you felt in the first place, but instead kept this information and all of these feelings from your spouse’s knowledge, only to bombard them with feelings later on in a deadly fashion.
Retaliation rocks are things that we keep tucked away and don’t let our spouse see about us and our feelings. These cause bitterness that we keep inside over time, where we might feel annoyed at our spouse and then later on we allow these small things to erupt each time we feel upset about something completely unrelated.
Don’t allow these rocks to sit on your soul. And don’t pull out these “rocks” in moments of retaliation towards your spouse. They will only feel confused and unsafe with you.
Do you collect “retaliation rocks”, only to use them as ammunition towards your spouse later on?
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Lysa Terkeurst, retaliation rocks, Unglued, What Kind of Unglued Am I?
Posted in anger management, Anxiety, boundaries, Codependency, communication, coping skills, Counterdependency, Individual Therapy, Intimacy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Premarital issues, Premarriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
So what do you do when you have a friend who has said or did something that really hurt you? What about your spouse- do you share with them when they aren’t paying attention to you and your feelings are hurt by their actions? What if you have a parent who still criticizes you for every little detail of your life? Do you let them know it bothers you?
If you answered, “I don’t do anything or tell anyone when they hurt me or when I feel frustrated”, then you might be a stuffer.
A stuffer who builds barriers is just basically someone who does not share their feelings of hurt, anger, sadness, or frustration with the person they are in a relationship with. Additionally, they build walls up when they are around this person. Many times they don’t realize they are building the walls. But after awhile, a wall is there, the relationship has changed, or sometimes even disintegrated.
Sound familiar?
Stuffers usually not only struggle in their relationships because of the walls, but they often are angry and irritable, struggle with depression, and some people have health problems from holding so much in. Many issues can come from being a stuffer, not just walls.
If you realize you are a stuffer and see the walls you have built, it’s important to start speaking up to others. Let someone know if they have hurt you or if you feel angry. It doesn’t have to be confrontational. It can be a simple conversation like “The other day I felt hurt when you said my idea was ridiculous”. Simple. Many times this may start a conversation that can lead to greater intimacy. And isn’t that what we desire in our relationships?
Tomorrow Joleen will help us identify another way of stuffing. Don’t miss out! Thank you for reading and we hope you have a great week!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: Unglued Lysa TerKeurst
Posted in Anxiety, Codependency, communication, Family Issues, Intimacy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
The subject of ambiguous loss is a relatively new one to me, as it relates to therapy, but is one that we frequently see with our clients (as well as in our own lives!). Pauline Boss’ book “Ambiguous Loss: Learning To Live With Unresolved Grief” is one of the most amazing books I have read so far this spring!
What is Ambiguous Loss?
Ambiguous Loss is when you have no closure with loss, or when loss is surrounded by uncertainty and ambiguity– examples of this are divorce, addictions, infidelity, dealing with an aging parent, coping with the loss of a missing child, dealing with a relationship breakup, just to name a few. Unlike death, which has finality and an ending, ambiguous loss can be traumatic in that the survivors of this type of loss still have to deal with so much uncertainty in the healing process. The two ways Boss explains this type of loss: When a person is present physically, but is psychologically or emotionally absent (e.g., divorce, relationship break up, mental illness, alzheimer’s disease)– or when a person is physically absent, but is still psychologically or emotionally present (e.g., a missing child, a soldier who is missing in action).
This book not only explains ambiguous loss, but helps the reader to recognize how this type of loss is surrounded by fluctuating feelings of hope to hopelessness, while trying to make sense and find meaning in such loss.
If you recognize an area where you might be dealing with ambiguous loss, this book is highly recommended!
For clinician’s working with Ambiguous Loss in therapy, Pauline Boss’ book “Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss” is a great reference in working with clients, as well.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Ambiguous Loss, Learning to live with unresolved grief, Loss Trauma and Resilience, Pauline Boss
Posted in Abandonment, addictions, Affairs, Anxiety, coping skills, depression, Divorce, Family Issues, Grief and Loss, Individual Therapy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, Relationships, Suicide, Therapy | No Comments »
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Imagine Hope BlogosphereBlogs by Imagine Hope Counselors
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Natalie Chandler's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Joleen Watson's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Tamara Wilhelm's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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