Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
Some throw the term “hoarder”around loosely about people who collect a lot of a particular items from a point of interest. But not all collectors are suffer from hoarding.
If you know someone who collects, you probably know that collectors take great care in keeping their possessions and take pride in showing others. Collections are often on display, or proudly showcased in curio cabinets. My sons collect Poke mon cards and you will hear all about every one if you ever encounter one of my boys! Collectors spend time and research their collections and often congregate with other collectors or people with similar interests. Collectors usually plan and budget for their loved purchases. Collectors also feel satisfied and proud when they add to their collection.
On the other hand, hoarders often feel embarrassed about the amount of items they may have accumulated. One might purchase an item with an intended function for it, but will not usually follow through. That item will likely be duplicated and duplicated with further purchases. With all of these items, the owner often ends up in a cluttered state. Often times the clutter builds to the point that the owner’s living space is compromised.
Often times hoarding behavior results in debt and financial woes. Often people feel worse or depressed after making the purchase, much like how one would feel after eating an entire pint of ice cream.
Sometimes the clutter accumulated results in hoarders not inviting people to their homes. Hoarders may avoid repair work desperately needed due to embarrassment. They may forego assistance from friends and family when needed in order to hide their clutter.
As you can see, there is a difference between hoarding and collecting.
Please stay tuned as Christy and Joleen continue to explore addressing hoarding behavior. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Complusive Hoarding, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu
Posted in addictions, Anxiety, Healthy Living | No Comments »
Many have watched the reality shows about hoarding…it can be hard to watch. Compulsive hoarding is a real issue that many struggle with.
Neziroglu, Bubrick, and Yaryura-Tobias have written a book called “Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding” that we will be referencing all week as we help our readers understand this issue.
They define hoarding as “acquiring and saving items that have little or no value and then having tremendous difficulty discarding them.”
The following are a list of symptoms identified in the books of those struggling with compulsive hoarding:
- Avoid throwing things away
- Have severe anxiety when throwing things away
- Have trouble making decisions about their stuff
- May feel overwhelmed or embarrassed by their things
- May feel suspicious of others touching items
- Has obsessive thoughts about possessions such as fear of running out of an item, fear of needing it later, needing it just in case, or may search trash to make sure possessions haven’t been thrown away
- May have a loss of space in the home, social isolation, family or marriage problems, financial issues, or health hazards
- Possessions are disorganized
- May have trouble categorizing items
If you related to any of these symptoms, this book could help! Keep reading all week for more info on overcoming hoarding!
Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias, Complusive Hoarding, Jerome Bubrick, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu
Posted in addictions, Anxiety | No Comments »
The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks
What do you do with your feelings about small (and not-so-small) situations that happen in your marriage? Do you share them with your spouse and get clarification with them? Do you let them see who you really are? Or do you keep them stuffed away (as Natalie wrote about in yesterday’s post)?
When feeling “unglued”, sometimes we will collect what is termed “Retaliation Rocks”. These are things we use as a weapon for future disagreements. For example: Your spouse doesn’t help with housework, but you don’t say anything to he/she about how this feels. You stuff the feelings away in a corner of your heart. Later on (sometimes years later), your spouse doesn’t initiate a date night and “A-HA!”… You just KNEW it! They don’t love you and don’t feel you are important (not true), so you explode on them, using one incident (or many) about just how “unimportant” you must really be to them! The problem with this is…. it’s not true! You never shared with them how you felt in the first place, but instead kept this information and all of these feelings from your spouse’s knowledge, only to bombard them with feelings later on in a deadly fashion.
Retaliation rocks are things that we keep tucked away and don’t let our spouse see about us and our feelings. These cause bitterness that we keep inside over time, where we might feel annoyed at our spouse and then later on we allow these small things to erupt each time we feel upset about something completely unrelated.
Don’t allow these rocks to sit on your soul. And don’t pull out these “rocks” in moments of retaliation towards your spouse. They will only feel confused and unsafe with you.
Do you collect “retaliation rocks”, only to use them as ammunition towards your spouse later on?
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Lysa Terkeurst, retaliation rocks, Unglued, What Kind of Unglued Am I?
Posted in anger management, Anxiety, boundaries, Codependency, communication, coping skills, Counterdependency, Individual Therapy, Intimacy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Premarital issues, Premarriage Counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
So what do you do when you have a friend who has said or did something that really hurt you? What about your spouse- do you share with them when they aren’t paying attention to you and your feelings are hurt by their actions? What if you have a parent who still criticizes you for every little detail of your life? Do you let them know it bothers you?
If you answered, “I don’t do anything or tell anyone when they hurt me or when I feel frustrated”, then you might be a stuffer.
A stuffer who builds barriers is just basically someone who does not share their feelings of hurt, anger, sadness, or frustration with the person they are in a relationship with. Additionally, they build walls up when they are around this person. Many times they don’t realize they are building the walls. But after awhile, a wall is there, the relationship has changed, or sometimes even disintegrated.
Sound familiar?
Stuffers usually not only struggle in their relationships because of the walls, but they often are angry and irritable, struggle with depression, and some people have health problems from holding so much in. Many issues can come from being a stuffer, not just walls.
If you realize you are a stuffer and see the walls you have built, it’s important to start speaking up to others. Let someone know if they have hurt you or if you feel angry. It doesn’t have to be confrontational. It can be a simple conversation like “The other day I felt hurt when you said my idea was ridiculous”. Simple. Many times this may start a conversation that can lead to greater intimacy. And isn’t that what we desire in our relationships?
Tomorrow Joleen will help us identify another way of stuffing. Don’t miss out! Thank you for reading and we hope you have a great week!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: Unglued Lysa TerKeurst
Posted in Anxiety, Codependency, communication, Family Issues, Intimacy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
The subject of ambiguous loss is a relatively new one to me, as it relates to therapy, but is one that we frequently see with our clients (as well as in our own lives!). Pauline Boss’ book “Ambiguous Loss: Learning To Live With Unresolved Grief” is one of the most amazing books I have read so far this spring!
What is Ambiguous Loss?
Ambiguous Loss is when you have no closure with loss, or when loss is surrounded by uncertainty and ambiguity– examples of this are divorce, addictions, infidelity, dealing with an aging parent, coping with the loss of a missing child, dealing with a relationship breakup, just to name a few. Unlike death, which has finality and an ending, ambiguous loss can be traumatic in that the survivors of this type of loss still have to deal with so much uncertainty in the healing process. The two ways Boss explains this type of loss: When a person is present physically, but is psychologically or emotionally absent (e.g., divorce, relationship break up, mental illness, alzheimer’s disease)– or when a person is physically absent, but is still psychologically or emotionally present (e.g., a missing child, a soldier who is missing in action).
This book not only explains ambiguous loss, but helps the reader to recognize how this type of loss is surrounded by fluctuating feelings of hope to hopelessness, while trying to make sense and find meaning in such loss.
If you recognize an area where you might be dealing with ambiguous loss, this book is highly recommended!
For clinician’s working with Ambiguous Loss in therapy, Pauline Boss’ book “Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss” is a great reference in working with clients, as well.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Ambiguous Loss, Learning to live with unresolved grief, Loss Trauma and Resilience, Pauline Boss
Posted in Abandonment, addictions, Affairs, Anxiety, coping skills, depression, Divorce, Family Issues, Grief and Loss, Individual Therapy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, Relationships, Suicide, Therapy | No Comments »
Carry On Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton
I do not follow many blogs, but there are some I follow regularly: Brene Brown’s Ordinarycourage.com; Jenny Lawson’s thebloggess.com; Andrea Owen’s Yourkickasslife.com and finally Glennon Melton’s Momastery.com. All of them have published wonderful useful entertaining books in the last year, so I was so excited two weeks ago when my copy of Carry On Warrior by Glennon Melton arrived in the magical brown Amazon box at my door! I immediately told my husband and sons to go do something manly because I was headed to the bathtub to read and did not want to be disturbed.
If you follow momastery.com, you are familiar with Glennon’s story. She is a mother of of three children who writes for her own popular blog site as well as Huffington Post. Even if you do not follow her, you have likely read some of her viral posts like “Don’t Carpe Deum” and “A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On”. If you have not read these posts, you should.
Glennon is someone most of us can relate to. Although she has a checkered past, she has learned from her addictions, eating disorders, recovery and redemption. She is candidly honest about her imperfect life, maternal experiences, and close relationship with God, painful marital struggles, and tender caring heart. Glennon believes that women should stop competing with being suspicious of, and stop hiding from our honest selves. Her blog is a place where we stop making parenting and marriage harder by pretending that it’s not hard. Glennon emphasizes three main thoughts through her work: She teaches us “We can do hard things” and “We belong to each other” and “Love Wins”.
I enjoyed learning more about Glennon’s story through her book. I especially enjoy hearing about parenting challenges since they make me feel more normal in my own parenting journey. Her writing is familiar and funny and feels like reading a letter from a long lost friend. The book made me laugh and cry throughout. Others are touting this book as self-help but I do not see it that way. I read it as more of a connection to another human’s amazing story.
If you are looking for a light beach read, and to regain some centeredness in the often competitive world of wifedom and motherhood, this is the book for you. And if you get a chance, read her post called For Maggie Who Lost Her Lobster. Awesome beautiful post on addiction and loss. Enjoy!
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Carry On Warrior, Glennon Doyle Melton, Momastery.com
Posted in addictions, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Parenting, Relationships, Womens issues | No Comments »
The Serenity Prayer is commonly linked to 12 step programs and is used by many as a coping tool. It says:
“God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.”
When we truly internalize these words, it can remind us that we do have power over some things in our lives, but not all things. When we can accept this in our lives, we are able to shift our expectations and be more at peace about what is going on in our lives.
Over this week Imagine Hope is going to help you see how using the Serenity Prayer in your daily life can help anyone- even those who don’t struggle with addictions! This week we are going to break down the Serenity Prayer phrase by phrase to help you have a better understanding of it’s meaning and how YOU can use it in your life!
God Grant Me The Serenity…
Even if you don’t believe in God or a higher power, this prayer used as a mantra can be helpful. When we look at the word serenity, it helps us understand the intent and the tone of this prayer.
The word serenity is defined as: “Peace; the absence of mental stress or anxiety; quiet; peace of mind; tranquility; a disposition free from stress or emotion.” This prayer’s intention is about looking for peace and calm in the midst of emotional trouble. As you use this prayer in your own life, be in tune with what you are asking to be “granted”. You are asking for a calmer spirit.
Keep reading all week as we break down the rest of the Serenity Prayer! We hope you start praying for peace in your own lives!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Serenity Prayer
Posted in addictions, Anxiety, coping skills, Faith Based Living, Spirituality | No Comments »
So far, we have seen 17 different signs that can tell you if you might have hidden anger. As Natalie and Tammy have shared, many of them can mimic signs of depression. In 18-23, you might also recognize these signs of hidden anger can also feel similar to anxiety.
18. Clenched jaws– especially while sleeping.
19. Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated physical acts done unintentionally or unaware.
20. Grinding of teeth– especially while sleeping.
21. Chronic depression… extended periods of feeling down for no reason.
22. Chronically stiff or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
23. Stomach ulcers.
There is a lot of research out there that suggests that people with hidden resentments and anger have higher instances of physical illness and disease such as cancer and heart disease. Are you struggling with unresolved, hidden anger? It could be very beneficial for you to dive into this! Find out what it’s all about and gain peace within your heart, mind, and body today!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in anger management, Anxiety, Codependency, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, marriage counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
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