Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
Memorial Day can be a great time for family and friends to get together and celebrate having a day off at the beginning of summer. But many use the day to memorialize lost loved ones, lost opportunities, and fallen soldiers. This week Imagine Hope is sharing our personal meanings behind this special day!
What Memorial Day means to Teri-
When I think of Memorial Day my first thought is friends and family. This day historically is a day that I celebrate great relationships in my life. I love having a backyard BBQ and relaxing with laughs and fun conversations. It’s a great time for me to catch up with those I’ve missed and to slow down and just “be” with them. So much of my life I am moving from one thing to the next and continually make promises that “We will get together soon- I promise.” The next thing I know months have gone by and the promise has been broken. Taking a break to nurture relationships gives Memorial Day special meaning and reminds me that if I don’t slow down in life and put the effort in with the ones I love, I will miss out on extremely special times.
I wish each of you a special and safe Memorial Day and hope you take advantage of the time to slow down and connect with those you love. You never know when you’ll get your next opportunity! Check in tomorrow to see what Memorial Day means to Tammy!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Healthy Living, Lighten up, Relationships, stress | No Comments »
What Kind of Unglued Are You? Exploder Who Blames Others:
Like Tamara mentioned yesterday, you don’t have to be a yeller in order to be an exploder. An exploder can be someone who uses a particular, condescending tone, or knows just the right words to say to hit where it hurts.
Another type of exploder is one who blames others when they come unglued. Nothing is going right, and the next thing you know you are saying something along the lines of “If you did/didn’t do blah blah blah, we might actually be able to blah blah blah”. Sound familiar?
This exploder tends to struggle with coping with chaos, change, or anytime the planets don’t line up just right. Their emotional reactivity is always someone else’s fault, and they justify it accordingly. “If you had put your coat on the first time I asked you to, we wouldn’t be late, and I wouldn’t be angry at you”. You, you, you, you!
After they come unglued, they may feel better for getting all the emotion and “yuck” out. However, the high is only temporary–eventually they start to feel regret for the harsh words, blaming, and anger that they directed towards their spouse, family, friends, coworkers, etc. But, they will reject the regret by once again blaming someone else and justifying their actions, and the vicious cycle of blaming others continues.
Self-awareness is the first step in changing. Instead of blaming others for the decisions you make, take responsibility-own it-and make changes. Apologize when you need to, put yourself in check. Learn healthier ways to get your point across.
Check back tomorrow as we talk about the Stuffer Who Builds Barriers. Thanks for reading!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst
Posted in anger management, Healthy Living, stress | No Comments »
The Exploder Who Shames Themselves:
When we think of exploders, we tend to have a vision of a person that is loud, yelling and maybe even throwing things. This is definitely an exploder. But, there’s also a different type of exploder.
Exploders don’t have to be loud at all. They can be people who just have a “tone”. You know what I mean? The tone that says, “You’re not doing what I want, you’re doing it in a wrong way, and oh buddy, are you gonna pay”. Yeah, that tone. That condescending tone that makes you either have goosebumps or makes your blood pressure rise.
Generally exploders get set off when someone is rude to them, they feel offended or disrespected. They then believe they have to be stern back in order to make their point. Exploders feel entitled to be rude or stern back – I mean c’mon, the other person was rude first, right?
However, hours later or a day later, an exploder will beat themselves up and feel lots of shame for what they said or did in response. Their shame will say, “Wow, so-and-so would have never said that. They would have handled it so much better”. Or, “You always lose your cool. When are you ever going to learn and get it together?”. Better yet, “You’re always going to be like this. You’re always going to be at the mercy of your feelings”.
Truth be told, those are all lies. Things can change. Beating yourself up will not result in change. Feeling convicted of doing something wrong is a good sign – just use it for good, not punishing yourself.
I have to admit, I’m an exploder who shames herself. For an example that describes a situation that fits this type of Unglued, read how I almost came Unglued by exploding – and how it played out: http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/twblog
As Teri mentioned yesterday, you may fit into all the categories depending on the situation or relationship. Check back in tomorrow to read about The Exploder Who Blames Others. Thanks for reading!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Lysa Terkeurst, Unglued, Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst
Posted in anger management, Healthy Living, stress | No Comments »
Let’s admit it…we all come unglued at times. Some of us are loud and reactive, others let the frustration simmer until and explosion happens, while others stuff the emotion so deep it blocks them from connection.
How do you “do” unglued?
Lysa Terkeurst, in her book “Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions”, helps us understand the 2 main ways people come unglued…by exploding and stuffing.
Exploding means that you are pushing emotion outward. It doesn’t matter if it is a loud temper tantrum, or a quiet passive aggressive dig. Most exploders feel better at first to get it all out, but that often goes away when they realize that pain has been caused by the explosion. There are 2 types of exploders: Ones who shame themselves and ones who blames other.
Stuffing is when people push their emotion inward. As the hurt wallows inside it grows and hardens like a rock to be thrown later, or like a wall to block others from getting close. There are 2 types of stuffers: Ones who build barriers and ones who collect retaliation rocks.
Which one are you? A stuffer? An exploder? What about both! It isn’t uncommon to fit into both categories depending on the situation and/or people you are interacting with.
Read the rest of the week about both types of exploders and stuffers! Remember that building insight around these issues is the first step to changing them!
Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst
Posted in anger management, coping skills, stress | No Comments »
In studying the Serenity Prayer this week, we want an awareness & focus to be on what the words mean, not memorization and repetitiveness of the popular prayer. Let’s look at the second line which focuses on acceptance.
“To Accept the Things I Cannot Change”
According to Dictionary.com, the word “accept” can mean:
- to receive with approval or favor
- to agree or consent to
- to receive
- to regard as true or sound
- to regard as normal, suitable or usual
- to understand
- to receive without adverse reaction
After asking for peace (serenity), we then are asking to understand, or to regard/receive as true and sound the things we cannot change. This means we acknowledge there are some things, people & choices that are out of our control, and that we accept these things. We seek undertanding of our personal limitations without adverse/negative reaction. We admit, “Hey this is normal & usual that I cannot change all things, & the same applies to everyone else”. We have to evaluate and recognize, “I cannot make my spouse quit smoking cigarettes”, or “I cannot make other drivers more friendly on the roads”, or “I cannot make my parent give me the approval I am wanting from them”. We realize if we continue we will drive ourselves crazy (adverse reaction!).
We encourage you to evaluate if there’s anything in your life that you’re trying to control that you need to let go. We hope you keep reading with us the rest of the week as we discuss Courage & Wisdom. Thank you!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: 12-step groups, Serenity Prayer
Posted in addictions, coping skills, Faith Based Living, Relationships, Spirituality, stress | No Comments »
Oh, the Places You’ll Go! By Dr. Seuss
In honor of Dr. Seuss’s birthday tomorrow, I wanted to pick out my favorite Dr. Seuss book to write about. This book has many, many life lessons for all ages—In fact, the copy I have was given to me as a gift when I graduated from college!
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
This book celebrates our ability to be successful with our God-given talents, and to be able to define what success looks like to each of us individually. It reminds us that there are many different roads that we can decide to take at any given time. We all tend to experience moments where we wonder if we should take that job, buy that house, move away, etc. The decisions that we make influence the path our lives take—so choose carefully!!!
“I’m sorry to say so but, sadly it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.”
There are going to be times where bad things happen—you can get sick, you might lose your job, or you experience a lot of stress. You may find yourself in a slump, and unsure where to go from here. The book reminds us that it is not only important to be patient, but to look for opportunities to pull yourself out of the slump—only you have the ability to do so!!!
“All Alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you’ll be quite a lot.”
There may be times where you may feel like no one understands you, that you may never find Mr. or Mrs. Right, or that you are the only one having problems. The world can feel very lonely at times. The book reminds us that regardless of the difficulty, we need to face our problems and deal with them—don’t just give up or walk away.
“And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.) KID, YOU WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS!”
Source: Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Oh the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss
Posted in Goals, self esteem, stress | No Comments »
As Tamara and Teri have shared this week, there are many signs of Hidden Anger. Are you relating to any of them? As Tamara mentioned, it is interesting how many of the signs are closely related to the same signs of Depression. That is because sometimes Depression is unresolved anger that we have held onto for a long time. Anger festers and eats away at our very core and creates psychological and physical changes in us. Here are some more signs for you to think about:
12. Slowing down of movements: When you notice yourself being slower than you usually are and on a regular basis, not just having one day that you are dragging.
13. Getting tired more easily than usual: It takes a lot of energy to carry around all that anger so you are going to feel it in your body.
14.Excessive irritability over trifles: Many people normally experience this after not sleeping well one night or near PMS. But we are talking about on a regular basis again.
15. Getting drowsy at inappropriate times: Again, Anger= less energy= more tired
16. Sleeping more than usual- maybe 12-14 hours a day. Are you seeing a pattern here with the energy level??
17. Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
As you can see, these do go hand in hand with Depression. When you are feeling these symptoms, you may be starting to battle Depression because the anger is getting so intense. Next week we will address Depression but continue reading tomorrow to find out the last 6 signs from Joleen. Thank you for reading.
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
Posted in anger management, depression, stress | No Comments »
As we continue to talk about anger, some of these next few may be surprising. Alone, they can be signs of depression or sleeping disorder problems. The key is to pay attention to see if you identify with most of these hidden anger signs. If you do, seek help.
6. Over politeness, constant cheerfulness, an attitude of “grin and bear it”.
7. Smiling when hurting.
8. Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
9. Over-controlled monotone (speech that does not vary in pitch) when speaking.
10. Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
11. Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things you are usually enthusiastic about.
Keep reading as we have 12 more signs to share!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: hidden anger
Posted in anger management, stress, Therapy | No Comments »
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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