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Continuing with this week’s theme of cognitive distortions, we will discuss 3 more negative thinking habits that often times land us smack dab in the middle of trouble.
Emotional Reasoning- If I feel badly about a situation, it must be a bad situation. If I feel anxious, I must be in a dangerous predicament. Sometimes we evaluate situations based on our past experience and do not see the forest for the trees. You may feel like you are in trouble without looking at the current situation. Basing actions and reason solely on feelings can be risky. Look at the situation for what it is, use your context clues. Ask yourself, “what about this situation is making me have this feeling”?
Prediction- Do you have a crystal ball? Or a Magic 8 ball? If you think you know what will happen future, you are using prediction. Now, based on our own experiences, we can guess what may happen. But often people make decisions based on a false security in prediction that land them in trouble. Sometime prediction is a self fulfilling prophecy. Try something instead of predicting the future. You may surprise yourself!
Mountains and Molehills- Sometimes when we find ourselves in a negative situation, it feels very intense. Sometimes we find ourselves exaggerating the risks, or dangers. We overlook the positives or decide not to see the possibilities of our situations. This is called making a mountain out of a molehill. This type of negative thinking is really unhelpful. Creating tunnel vision and only focusing on a blown up version of negativity can skew your perspective and trick you into making decisions out of fear. Look at the details of your situation for what they are. Do not exaggerate, it creates a lie. And who wants to make decisions based on a lie?
Please come back as Natalie and Joleen continue to discuss unhelpful thinking habits. As always thanks for stopping by!
Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Posted in Cognitive Distortions, Healthy Living | No Comments »
Just as Teri mentioned yesterday, we are talking this week about the cognitive distortions we all have that can make us experience even more stress and anxiety in our lives. These unhealthy thinking patterns may be so ingrained in us that we may not even realize that we do them!
Judgments
How often do you hear a situation or a story, and immediately jump to a conclusion? These evaluations, or judgments, are often based off of past experiences.
However, our distorted thinking based off of judgment can lead us down a very wrong path. It’s important to not jump to conclusions before making sure that we are seeing the situation as it really is, and looking at the facts, not just our assumptions.
Judging a situation without looking at all the evidence can take a semi-stressful situation and escalate it to a full-blown panic-attack inducing situation.
Mind-Reading
Assuming that we know what others are thinking is also a very unhealthy thinking pattern. Before presuming that you know what someone is going to say/think about a situation, it’s important to actually ask them. You may be surprised at their reaction.
Attempting to mind-read can cause a lot of problems, and a lot of unnecessary stress. Many people attempt to mind-read when it comes to what others think about them. A lot of cognitive distortions can occur when this happens (“He thinks I’m fat”, “She doesn’t think I’m smart”, etc.).
There may be nothing concrete to support these assumptions. That’s why mind-reading can be so harmful, and why it’s important to be aware if you find yourself engaging in this unhelpful and unhealthy thinking.
Continue to read this week as we discuss other unhelpful thinking habits!
Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Unhelpful Thinking Habits, www.getselfhelp.co.uk Posted in Healthy Living | No Comments »
To help the treatment from your provider work better, there are several things that you can do on your own:
Stay healthy and fit:
Do somthing active every day. Try to take walks or when cleared by your health care provider, go back to the gym or get back into your regular exercise regimin.
Eat healthy food and snacks. Try to make food choices that include balanced foods, instead of junk foods, sweets and salty foods.
Get as much rest as you can. Try to sleep when your baby sleeps.
Do not consume alcohol. This includes beer, wine coolers, hard liquor, or other types of alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, which slows down your body and makes you feel more depressed in the long run. Alcohol will also interfere with any medications you might be taking for Postpartum depression.
Lower your stress:
Make sure to do recreational activities that you enjoyed before pregnancy and birth. Take a class, listen to your favorite music, meet friends out, or read a good book. Even when your time is very limited, it’s important to incorporate old hobbies and activities back into your life when you can.
Do not make any major life changes right after having a baby. These include job changes, re-locations or changing homes, etc. These kinds of changes can add more stress that is unnecessary. Having a baby is a big life change in itself, and it’s better to allow your life to resume with some sense of normalcy before introducing further changes.
Talk to your boss about going back to work. Discuss the possibility of working from home or working part-time when you first go back, which can lower stress and help you cope better with the postpartum depression.
Ask for and ACCEPT help:
Let others help around the house. This might include laundry, cleaning bathrooms, cooking meals, grocery shopping, running errands, or asking friends and family to help with the baby. Don’t feel like you need to do everything on your own to be a “good parent”. Don’t be afraid to tell people what you are needing.
Keep in touch with the people who are important to you in life and try not to isolate. Tell your partner, friends and family how you are feeling.
Take time for yourself. Along with old hobbies and recreational things, it’s important to have alone time whenever possible. This could be used for self-care (manicure, pedicure, haircut and style, reading or journaling, exercise, yoga, etc.) or for fun. Becoming a parent means constant demands for time and attention, and self-care is vital to having enough energy and motivation in your “tank” to be able to provide for a little one when needed.
Have you recognized any tips for postpartum depression that might apply to you or be helpful in your recovery process?
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Healthy Living, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Individual Therapy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Parenting, Postpartum Depression | No Comments »
I love the scene from the movie, The Help, that Teri discussed yesterday. It’s so important to use kind/encouraging words with children. Here is another characteristic of a healthy mother:
Characteristic #2 A Healthy Mother Doesn’t Pick Favorites & Knows They Need to Love Their Children Differently
Mother’s know each of their children are separate individuals, each with their own separate emotional needs, talents and abilities. While your 1st born may have been a very special and unique and separate experience from your 3rd or 4th born, a healthy mother does not show favoritism toward any of her children.
Each child has the same household rules and consequences to abide by and to receive. However, it’s a balancing act when it comes to loving them differently. Although you have the same rules for each child, and punish/give out consequences equally between them, the way you show love will be dependent upon each child individually.
A healthy mom knows each of her children’s strengths, and understands they each need love in different ways. She knows one of her children is more contact/physical touch oriented, so she knows to play outdoors with them, versus making them stay inside with her. She knows her other child prefers to use their imagination, so she’ll build things, watch movies, and have figurine wars/tea parties with them. If she has an intellectual child, she’ll read with them, and actively listen to the things they find interesting. A healthy mother embraces their differences and doesn’t try to make her children act like each other.
If her children are complete opposites (as generally happens in a family), their differences are celebrated and the children are not compared to one another. To do so would create jealousy and inadequacy in the children.
I think this quote by Albert Einstein sums it all up: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Thank you for reading! Please come back for more Characteristics of a Healthy Mother.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: characteristics of a healthy mom, mothers day Posted in Family Issues, Healthy Living, Parenting | No Comments »
What are some common traits of hoarders?
There are many traits that contribute to hoarding behaviors, though just because you only share of few of these characteristics doesn’t necessarily indicate you are more or less severe of a hoarder.
Fear of Losing Information: This trait is common when an individual feels the fear of throwing information away “just in case” they might need it later. For example, unread newspapers, magazines, junk mail, etc.
Indecisiveness: Many hoarders are indecisive about things such as what to wear, what food to eat or order at a restaurant, or about certain possessions. Many hoarders will hang onto possessions that currently have no place in the home, feeling indecisive about where to put them or keeping them (again) “just in case” they need them for later. This results in a lot of clutter with unneeded items that never quite find their way into a permanent place in the home. Do you find yourself indecisive with decisions or items?
Fear of Making a Mistake
Hoarders commonly fear making mistakes about the following things: Accidentally throwing something away they might later want or need, not being able to find possessions because they have misplaced them, not having something they want or need in the future (“I can’t throw that away… what if I NEED it later?”), not finding the right or “perfect” place for an item in the home. These may lead to symptoms such as buying duplicate items without enough room for them all, leaving items out in the home because of the fear you might not be able to find something when you need it, or not throwing something away because you may later feel regret about it.
As these authors suggest: Indecisiveness + Fear of Making a Mistake = Clutter
Inability to Prioritize: When you have too much stuff in your home, it often results in feeling overwhelmed. When you feel overwhelmed, it makes it difficult to prioritize what to do first and where to start tasks. Many people report feeling paralyzed by the quantity of things and end up procrastinating.
Fear of Loss: As stated earlier, this may be an overwhelming fear of discarding an item that is viewed as “important”, in case the item might be needed later on. This doesn’t refer to things that have family value, such as a family heirloom or your wedding dress. This would be more like hanging onto junk mail, for fear that it might include a large check in it and the fear you might accidentally throw this away. Many times, hoarders end up with piles, then when you try to clean out one pile, you just end up mixing it with another pile.
Fear of Memory Loss: Hoarding behaviors are connected to the fear of losing a memory. Hoarders are afraid to trust their own memory. Objects don’t hold memories… WE hold memories. Some hoarders might have empty closets, instead, keeping objects in plain sight, cluttering up their home for fear of losing the memory that an object might hold for them.
Lack of Organization: Many hoarders have problems with categorization and end up developing piles and piles of similar objects. They often feel overwhelmed with organizing, not knowing where to begin.
Do you recognize any of these traits of hoarding? If so, we recommend talking with a professional counselor to find out what your hoarding behavior is really all about and how it is effecting your life, or taking the initial steps to working on simplifying and de-cluttering your life!
Adapted from: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding: Why You Save and How You Can Stop, by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu Posted in addictions, boundaries, coping skills, Family Issues, Healthy Living, hoarding, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Individual Therapy | No Comments »
Some throw the term “hoarder”around loosely about people who collect a lot of a particular items from a point of interest. But not all collectors are suffer from hoarding.
If you know someone who collects, you probably know that collectors take great care in keeping their possessions and take pride in showing others. Collections are often on display, or proudly showcased in curio cabinets. My sons collect Poke mon cards and you will hear all about every one if you ever encounter one of my boys! Collectors spend time and research their collections and often congregate with other collectors or people with similar interests. Collectors usually plan and budget for their loved purchases. Collectors also feel satisfied and proud when they add to their collection.
On the other hand, hoarders often feel embarrassed about the amount of items they may have accumulated. One might purchase an item with an intended function for it, but will not usually follow through. That item will likely be duplicated and duplicated with further purchases. With all of these items, the owner often ends up in a cluttered state. Often times the clutter builds to the point that the owner’s living space is compromised.
Often times hoarding behavior results in debt and financial woes. Often people feel worse or depressed after making the purchase, much like how one would feel after eating an entire pint of ice cream.
Sometimes the clutter accumulated results in hoarders not inviting people to their homes. Hoarders may avoid repair work desperately needed due to embarrassment. They may forego assistance from friends and family when needed in order to hide their clutter.
As you can see, there is a difference between hoarding and collecting.
Please stay tuned as Christy and Joleen continue to explore addressing hoarding behavior. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Complusive Hoarding, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu Posted in addictions, Anxiety, Healthy Living | No Comments »
What Kind of Unglued Are You? Exploder Who Blames Others:
Like Tamara mentioned yesterday, you don’t have to be a yeller in order to be an exploder. An exploder can be someone who uses a particular, condescending tone, or knows just the right words to say to hit where it hurts.
Another type of exploder is one who blames others when they come unglued. Nothing is going right, and the next thing you know you are saying something along the lines of “If you did/didn’t do blah blah blah, we might actually be able to blah blah blah”. Sound familiar?
This exploder tends to struggle with coping with chaos, change, or anytime the planets don’t line up just right. Their emotional reactivity is always someone else’s fault, and they justify it accordingly. “If you had put your coat on the first time I asked you to, we wouldn’t be late, and I wouldn’t be angry at you”. You, you, you, you!
After they come unglued, they may feel better for getting all the emotion and “yuck” out. However, the high is only temporary–eventually they start to feel regret for the harsh words, blaming, and anger that they directed towards their spouse, family, friends, coworkers, etc. But, they will reject the regret by once again blaming someone else and justifying their actions, and the vicious cycle of blaming others continues.
Self-awareness is the first step in changing. Instead of blaming others for the decisions you make, take responsibility-own it-and make changes. Apologize when you need to, put yourself in check. Learn healthier ways to get your point across.
Check back tomorrow as we talk about the Stuffer Who Builds Barriers. Thanks for reading!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst Posted in anger management, Healthy Living, stress | No Comments »
The Exploder Who Shames Themselves:
When we think of exploders, we tend to have a vision of a person that is loud, yelling and maybe even throwing things. This is definitely an exploder. But, there’s also a different type of exploder.
Exploders don’t have to be loud at all. They can be people who just have a “tone”. You know what I mean? The tone that says, “You’re not doing what I want, you’re doing it in a wrong way, and oh buddy, are you gonna pay”. Yeah, that tone. That condescending tone that makes you either have goosebumps or makes your blood pressure rise.
Generally exploders get set off when someone is rude to them, they feel offended or disrespected. They then believe they have to be stern back in order to make their point. Exploders feel entitled to be rude or stern back – I mean c’mon, the other person was rude first, right?
However, hours later or a day later, an exploder will beat themselves up and feel lots of shame for what they said or did in response. Their shame will say, “Wow, so-and-so would have never said that. They would have handled it so much better”. Or, “You always lose your cool. When are you ever going to learn and get it together?”. Better yet, “You’re always going to be like this. You’re always going to be at the mercy of your feelings”.
Truth be told, those are all lies. Things can change. Beating yourself up will not result in change. Feeling convicted of doing something wrong is a good sign – just use it for good, not punishing yourself.
I have to admit, I’m an exploder who shames herself. For an example that describes a situation that fits this type of Unglued, read how I almost came Unglued by exploding – and how it played out: http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/twblog
As Teri mentioned yesterday, you may fit into all the categories depending on the situation or relationship. Check back in tomorrow to read about The Exploder Who Blames Others. Thanks for reading!
*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: Lysa Terkeurst, Unglued, Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst Posted in anger management, Healthy Living, stress | No Comments »
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