The 3 most common mistakes I see couples make are the following:

1. Making a lot of assumptions about what the other partner is thinking. I see this a lot. One partner assumes what the other is thinking and reacts based on what they believe. This is dangerous because you are not necessarily reacting to what they are really feeling or thinking about, which will usually start a conflict or make one worse.

2. Showing love the way they receive love.  For example, if a woman feels loved by receiving gifts, she may give her husband gifts to show him she loves him. If he feels loved by her showing him affection, the gift isn’t going to mean that much to him. Although appreciated, it may not make him feel loved.

3. There are MANY communication errors that I see from my side of the room, however, the most common communication mistake is interrupting each other thus causing you to not really hear what your partner is saying. It is hard to listen when you are thinking about what you are going to say and then saying it!

I hope you’ll join us tomorrow to hear Joleen’s 3 mistakes she sees tomorrow…stay tuned.

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling.  We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.

*Fighting about too many things at once - It’s hard to follow a disagreement when you’re fighting about this, that, & the kitchen sink. Stick to one topic and conquer that before dragging out another issue. You’ll feel less exhausted and less at odds with each other if you do so. It’s like cleaning house. If you save it all for one day it’s overwhelming, but if you break it down into sections, it’s much more manageable.

*Finger pointing – Each person needs to take responsibility for their part in the relationship’s/marriage’s problems. Most (not all) of the time it’s 50/50. Whether it’s how we react or what we say/do, or what we don’t say/do that contributes to the overall problem. If we blame & point fingers, then all we’re doing is attacking and not problem solving.

*Getting caught up on all the negatives – Remember that at one time you were attracted to each other and there was  a reason you fell in love! A lot of times couples get too focused on keeping score of all the hurts and “who hurt who”.  When this happens the positives get overlooked. If you look for the positives you will find them.

Remember that these mistakes are common, which means they happen to the best of us. Keep these in mind the next time you’re talking with your loved one and hopefully the conversation will go smoothly. Thank you for reading and check back in tomorrow for more common mistakes.

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling  at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.

As therapists we see big issues in relationships start from a small mistake and grow into a bigger issue. Conquering the small issues is good prevention and protection for your relationship. This week each of us will pick out common mistakes we see couples make when working with them.

*Rug sweeping- Many couples will sweep issues under the rug instead of addressing them as a problem. People fear being a “nag” or complaining too much, but if done in the right way it can enhance your relationship. The biggest issue we see with this mistake is that couples will let their issue grow into a resentment, which leads a relationship to not feel emotionally safe.

*Expecting one hour a week in therapy to “make it all better”- Therapy is similar to going to the doctor when you are sick. It isn’t the doctor that makes you feel “better”.  He just gives YOU the advice or medication for YOU to make yourself feel better. It is YOUR choice to go home and implement what the doctor told you to do. The same is true with therapy. If YOU don’t do the things your therapist suggests outside of your sessions, you are choosing to not take control of your “feeling better”.

*Not talking about work issues with your partner- Many people say, “I don’t want to take work home”. I understand the concept, but think about it; when you add up the hours in a week that we spend working compared to anything else, work is what we do most of our awake hours. So if we aren’t talking about work issues (struggles, joys, day to day happenings, etc.) then we are isolating our partner from one of the biggest parts of our life. This is a balancing act. You have to figure out what works best in your relationship, but sharing something and leaning on your partner about this area of your life in some way is important.

Read tomorrow for more common mistakes couples make!

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.