Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
It is spring! Which means it is time for us to share some of our favorite reads as we look forward to nicer weather 
The Law of Happiness: How Spiritual Wisdom and Modern Science Can Change Your Life By Henry Cloud
We live in a world where people are always seeking happiness. Through medications, moving up the corporate ladder, and keeping up with the “Jones’s”, our society is filled with ideas of how to reach that feeling of true happiness.
So much of what people think will make them happy is through things on the outside, but Henry Cloud helps us see through research and biblical references that true sustainable happiness comes from the inside.
This book covers several different ways and character traits that people have to achieve sustainable happiness. Here are some of my favorite chapters:
- Happy people are givers
- Happy people aren’t waiting for someday
- Happy people connect
- Happy people don’t compare themselves
- Happy people are grateful
- Happy people have boundaries
- Happy people forgive
- Happy people have a faith
There are many more chapters and tons of powerful info that map out the road to happiness. Check it out for ways to overhaul your life towards a happy and fulfilling life!
Check in all week for more great books!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: The Law of happiness by Henry Cloud
Posted in depression, Faith Based Living, Spirituality, ways to cope | No Comments »
It is a new year which is often a time for people to look at their lives and set goals. Many pick goals to meet that involve health and wellness. Running the mini, eating healthy, doing an intense workout program, drinking less caffeine etc., each can work together to give you a goal of wellness.
What is wellness?
Gerald Corey says the following about wellness in his book, “I never knew I had a choice”:
- It is a lifestyle choice rather than a one time decision.
- Wellness is a process that involves identifying personal goals.
- It involves prioritizing your goals and values.
- Part of wellness means you have to make an action plan.
- It is about committing yourself to following through on your plans to reach your goals.
- It is a bridge between self-responsibility and love.
- We are in one energy system with everything else in creation.
This week we are focusing on wellness with the hopes that you will be inspired to pick the lifestyle of wellness in your life. Keep checking in all week to learn more about it and ways to achieve it!
Source: “I never knew I had a choice” by Gerald Corey
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: "I never knew I had a choice" by Gerald Corey
Posted in coping skills, Goals, Healthy Living, ways to cope | No Comments »
Halloween can be so much fun to get dressed up and be whoever you want to be! At Halloween we give permission as a society to “pretend” to be someone else. It can be overwhelming to walk through the aisles and see all the choices!
Did you realize that people wear masks every day of their lives and not just on Halloween? No not real masks- emotional ones! This week Imagine Hope is going to help you understand some emotional masks we hide behind and why.
Have you ever noticed how you might be one way around some people and put on a new “mask” in another area of your life?
Why do we hide from people? Why aren’t we able to be our “real” self in all areas of our lives? Is it fear of judgment? Fear of getting hurt? An image thing? To impress others? To avoid conflict? Wearing masks keeps us from showing people who we really are and only let’s others see who we want them to see.
When we find ourselves switching to a different mask, we need to slow down and ask why. When you tune into your internal self-talk, you can develop more self awareness. Understanding the messages you say to yourself will help you see the masks you wear.
If you want to have connected and fulfilling relationships with others, it’s time to take off the masks and put your real self out there. Keep reading this week to hear more about the specific masks we see people use with others!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Anxiety, boundaries, coping skills, Relationships, self esteem, ways to cope | No Comments »
Virginia Satir was a pioneer in the therapy world in bringing amazing concepts to life to help individuals, families, and couples.
She looked at the importance of the “experience” of life and how to make it a positive one. She connected the importance of our 5 senses and what impact they have on our experiences.
The 5 Freedoms are affirmations to help people connect with their lives and survive what is going on at each moment.
We hope you can find the deep freedom that can come from each of these this week and can take a step back in your crazy life to make it as positive of an experience as possible.
Freedom #1: To see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was, or will be
Do you ever feel controlled by should’s? What about the pain of the past or fear of the future?
If so, you might need to spend time focusing on this freedom. Instead of “should-ing”, look around and see what IS right in front of you.
Instead of getting lost in all the pain of the past, focus on what you DO see and hear that is right here. The past can serve it’s purpose in directing you, but you need to heal from it not carry it with you. Living in the past robs you of today.
Instead of getting worked up about tomorrow, sit in today. Embrace it. Experience it. Don’t loose today because of what is around the corner. You will never get today back.
I hope you can find freedom in your life by being in the moment. This moment is what you have, don’t ruin it or loose it. Lean into it to see and hear all that it is and what it can mean for you in your life. There might be some powerful life lessons right before you!
Come back tomorrow for more!
*Adapted from Virginia Satir’s The Five Freedoms
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Virginia Satir The FIve Freedoms
Posted in Anxiety, coping skills, depression, Healthy Living, stress relief, ways to cope | No Comments »
#2 Contempt
In his book, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, John Gottman describes contempt as the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. Wow, that sounds bad, right? I don’t think any of us set out to do this, but in the following examples, I think more of us are guilty of contempt than we realize.
Contempt is when we hold negative thoughts about our partner. Where as we start off with an innocent arguement, the further it goes, we no longer have any admiration for our spouse, and eventually forget why we married them in the first place. With contempt, we cannot see any positive qualities about our partners at all.
The most common signs of Contempt are:
- Insults and Name Calling - whether it’s calling each other a ”jerk”, ”lazy”, or worse
- Hostile Humor – covering up contempt with a thin layer of humor. Cracking mean jokes at our spouse’s expense
- Mockery – a very passive put-down. When you put down/make fun of/ridicule your spouse’s words are actions
- Body Language – rolling your eyes, grunting, laughing , curling your upper lip, etc., while your spouse is sharing with you
The best way to approach your spouse and stop contempt is to stop seeing arguments as a way to “get back” at your spouse or get power over your spouse. Your relationship will get better if you approach your partner with direct complaints (see yesterday’s blog for the difference between a complaint vs. a criticism) and show your spouse admiration.
*Source: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: 4 Horseman, John Gottman
Posted in communication, Healthy Living, Marriage, marriage counseling, Premarital issues, Relationships, ways to cope | No Comments »
Imagine Hope is in the relationship repairing business. Which means we see a lot of people come to us with bad habits that need undone in order for the relationship to last.
This week we are going to explain John Gottman’s theory called “The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse”, which focuses on four behaviors that will sabotage a relationship’s chance of being healthy and happy.
#1 Criticism
Expressing yourself in a relationship is key to fulfillment, so airing a complaint or disagreement will need to happen. But this can be a slippery slope into the pit of criticism.
The longer you hold in a complaint the more likely it will come out as a criticism, or even worse an explosion of criticisms that ends with a lot of damage.
So how do you know the differences between a complaint and criticism?
- A complaint is “a specific statement of anger, displeasure, distress, or other activity”. So basically it is when you need to tell someone that something isn’t okay with you, and that you need it to be different. With complaints, you attack the action, not the person. The focus is on the negative thing that happened, not the person who did it.
- A criticism is when someone accuses, attacks, and blames a person and their character when they need something to be different. It can be through a generalization (“You always…” or “You never…”), through keeping a long list of complaints and unleashing them all at once, by judging your partner (“You should…”), and by accusing them or betraying your trust (“You said you were going to get this done…”).
A good way to figure out if you are complaining verses criticizing is the word “you” and “I”.
- Complaint: We don’t go out as much as I‘d like to.
- Criticism: You never take me anywhere.
I hope you can see the ways criticism can cause things to fall apart in a relationship. Make an effort today to shift your criticism to complaints and see how quickly things change!
Check back tomorrow to hear how contempt can sabotage your relationship!
* Source: “Why Marriages Succeed Or Fail” by John Gottman
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Criticism, Gottman's 4 horsemen
Posted in communication, Marriage, marriage counseling, Premarital issues, Relationships, Relationships, ways to cope | No Comments »
So far Teri defined sexual addiction and Tamara explained how to begin your therapeutic journey freeing yourself from an addiction. When you are well on your way to healthy sexuality, you may feel the desire to begin a healthy intimate relationship. It is often difficult to determine what a healthy intimate relationship feels like after an addiction. Humans are sexual by nature. Sex is part of a healthy balanced life. Whether you, or your loved one who is in recovery, are ready to begin that journey, please remember the following information:
Sex provides a feeling of well-being- Sexual relationships can provide feelings of safety, affirmation, and connection. When you have an intimate partner, you share these feelings and connections. Sex becomes something you no longer do to someone, but with someone. In addiction, sex can mean feelings of danger or shame. But be patient, healthy connections through intimacy are rewarding.
You will feel emotional and physical sensations – In a healthy sexual relationship both intimate partners are aware of their own feelings of vulnerability and physical sensations. In intimacy, you are open to having feelings, not trying to escape them. These are positive feelings, so there is no need to “numb out” or simply focus on your own physical pleasure.
Rediscover your creativity or passion- If you are in recovery, your brain may be healing enough to remember you once had other passions besides obsessive sexual thoughts. While you can rediscover your passion for true intimacy, you may also rediscover your passion for other emotional outlets. Be creative! Pick up your old paint brush or take your old guitar out of the case. Make time for your healthy passions in order to take care of yourself.
If you are struggling with sexual addiction, please remember you cannot have healthy intimacy until you begin addressing your addiction. Please continue to check in with us this week as Natalie and Joleen talk about healthy sexual intimacy after addictions.
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Adapted from Lust, Anger, Love: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Road to Healthy Intimacy by Maureen Canning.
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: healthy intimacy, Sexual Addiction
Posted in addictions, ways to cope | No Comments »
Some of us are better at letting go than others. We all struggle with this concept at some point during our lives. The sensation of holding on gives us this false sense of control, security, and drains us of our energy. Sometimes, we hold on anyway because we do not know how to let go. I hope this week gives you some hints as to how to make that happen.
- Letting go means love more and fear less. Choose love over fear. Choose to love your spirit enough not to weigh it down with fear and regret. To paraphrase a quote from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, “If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to hold onto it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to hold onto it”
- Letting go means not to regret the past, but to live for the present and the future. How much time have you wasted going over and over a situation, punishing yourself for saying or doing the wrong thing? How much time have you wasted thinking, “If only…”? You cannot change the past. It led you to exactly where you should be. Right here right now. To paraphrase a quote from Albus Dumbledor, “It does not do to dwell on regret and forget to live.”
- Letting go means to focus on your own dreams and not regulate others. We cannot control what others choose to do, but we can control ourselves. When we focus on our own dreams, we lead by example.
One of my favorite quotes comes to mind when I think of letting go. “Good Morning, This Is God! I will be Handling all Your Problems Today. I Will Not Need Your Help — So Have a Good Day. I Love You!” Keep coming back all week for more tips on how to let go.
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: His Holiness the Dalai Lama, letting go
Posted in Anxiety, Healthy Living, Uncategorized, ways to cope | No Comments »
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Natalie Chandler's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Joleen Watson's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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