Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
In honor of Mother’s Day, Imagine Hope is blogging about several different characteristics of a healthy Mom.
5. She is involved in her child’s life– but not too involved.
Sound confusing? I think for most moms and parents, it definitely is! After all, kids don’t come with a manual!
Being involved in your child’s life is so important– attending their activities, spending quality one-on-one time, learning about what is happening in your child’s life, and truly meeting your child on their level and entering their internal world through play, etc.
When does this become too much? When your involvement is inappropriate for their developmental level, when the child is expected to meet the parent’s needs and when you begin to foster dependency needs rather than allowing your child to grow up. For example, expecting your teenager to spend more time with you than their peer group and shaming them for wanting to gain independence. Or wanting your young child to play the role of comforter to you, and to provide for your need to be needed and feel loved, when they need to begin gaining autonomy (e.g., having your child sleep with you in the marital bed, when they need to learn self-soothing).
It’s such a fine line between the two, but so important in raising healthy, well-adjusted children. Mom’s have such a special role in a child’s life. For that, we truly applaud all of the Mother’s out there! Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for reading!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: characterisics of a healthy mother, mothers, Parenting, the role of a mother
Posted in Family Issues, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Individual Therapy, Love, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »
13. How do you feel when your partner arrives home after being away? This is a good barometer for how you feel about your partner. Do you look forward or dread seeing them after time apart. Absence should make the heart grow fonder, not resentful.
14. Is your partner your best friend? Friendship, playfulness and respect are all healthy and essential components of a healthy loving relationship. Is your partner the first one you want to tell when you have exciting news, or when you need encouragement? Are you a good friend to your partner?
15. Is there a secret you are keeping that if your partner knew, you would feel you would lose them? This question speaks to trust, vulnerability, and shame. Secrets foster shame and make vulnerability seem bigger than it is. Secrets destroy trust which is essential to a lasting relationship. If you are keeping secrets, it is important to ask yourself what that means.
16. Do you feel that your partner accepts you? Authentic love knows who you are. Are you the real deal with your partner? Does your partner accept that you are imperfectly beautiful in your own right? Do you have to put on a show or wear a mask to keep your partner or do you allow yourself to be the true you around them?
17. When did you realize you had fallen in love and how do you feel when you think about it? Falling in love is often an exciting time! You have lots of feel good hormones flowing enabling you to get close to your partner. Sometimes people feel scared, or apprehensive, or angry, or vulnerable, or elated, or excited, or relieved! How did you feel?
18. Have you seen each other at your best and worst? Now, we don’t all need to catch a nasty stomach bug and do all that in plain view of our partner. However, we can wake up without the need to be completely dressed and presentable before she wakes up. Can you imagine him showing up early for your date while you are still in yoga pants and sweaty from your Zumba class? What would be the reaction?
These are all good questions to ponder. Tomorrow Natalie will help us with identifying more helpful ways to look at our relationships. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Terez Williamson, Tinybudda.com
Posted in Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Premarital issues, Relationships | No Comments »
#7 – When you think of your partner, do you smile? – Is your gut reaction to smile when you think of your spouse or your significant other? We hope so! If your initial reaction is to roll your eyes or take a deep breath, then why? If your reaction is to feel warmth and love then pay attention to those feelings.
#8 – Do you feel threatened when others find your partner attractive, and why? - The answers to these questions are very important. They reveal where these insecurities arise from. Pay attention if your answers come from your partners actual behaviors or from within yourself and your own insecurities.
#9 – Do you believe your partner is your biggest advocate? - We all need a cheering squad from time to time to encourage us along the way. This may comprise of family, friends, and our significant other. Having your partner in your corner is extremely important – and vice versa. Have they stood up for you in the past when you’ve need them the most? Do you do the same for them?
#10 – How do you feel about your partner’s views on finances? - Do you respect your partners spending habits and personal views on money? Do you argue about money and how it’s spent? Money is one of the top reasons couples seek counseling. Get on the same page by talking to your partner about what money means to each of you (safety, freedom, control, etc…).
#11 – Do you enjoy spending time with your partner’s relatives? Friends? - Is this an area of arguments? Do you love your partners family and believe their friends are extended family?
#12 – Do either of you dredge up resentments in arguments, and why have you struggled to let them go?- Are you holding onto resentments because you feel “unheard” in arguments and therefore, keep bringing up the argument? Or, are you trying to punish your partner and make them pay for something they’ve done but have apologized for? Maybe there’s another reason?
With all of these questions we’re providing you this week, the answers all lie within you. The goal is to get you thinking and reflecting – if you’re questioning the relationship you’re in. It’s always best to take the focus off the other person and put it on yourself – since the only control we truly have is over ourselves. Thank you for reading.
*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
Everyone questions themselves…did I make the right or wrong choice? Should or shouldn’t I? Why do I do that? etc.
Questions are a normal part of the human experience. Asking them and looking for answers can give you insight and clarity into your life and the path to walk down. Walking blindly without asking yourself key questions could end in some avoidable pain.
The questions we are sharing this week can help you sort through your relationship and help you evaluate how healthy it is. We hope they challenge you to work towards a healthier relationship!
#1- Do you completely trust each other?- Trust is an important part of partnership. If trust gets broken, the relationship could fall apart quickly.
#2- Do you believe in soul mates, and if so do you believe you are each others?- Some people believe that you are meant to be with someone specific in this world. Many think of it in a romanticized “fate-like” way, but I believe a soul mate is more someone who is able to touch and connect with you in your soul. It requires trust, connection, and a lot of vulnerability.
#3- When was the last time you said, “I love you?” If it’s been a while, why?- Affirming your love for your partner is important. We shouldn’t just assume that they “know”… we need to let our partner know that we love them by showing it and saying it!
#4- Are you satisfied with the intimacy you share?- This doesn’t just mean sexually, but also emotionally. Does your relationship meet your emotional needs? Is there depth to the connection you share? The more emotionally vulnerable you are with your partner, the more satisfying the intimacy will be.
#5- How often do you laugh together?- Having fun in a relationship is vital to longevity. Being playful and laughing together can create a powerful connection.
#6- Do you feel you have made personal sacrifices for your relationship, and have they been reciprocated?- Give and take is part of a healthy relationship. It can’t be all your way or your partner’s way. Compromise is necessary for both members of the relationship.
Keep reading tomorrow for more important questions to ask about your relationship!
Source: “30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship” by Terez Williamson on tinybuddah.com
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
As we have previously discussed, there are five main levels of intimacy in relationships. When beginning to date, or when working on rebuilding a relationship, it’s important to move through each of the levels before jumping to the next. This builds a more solid foundation for the relationship and makes intimacy greater.
Level 5: My needs, emotions and desires
This is the highest level of intimacy in relationships. It requires a great amount of trust, because it’s the level where we are allowing ourself to be known at our deepest core.
The motto at this stage, is: If I can’t trust that you won’t reject me, then I will never be able to share my deepest self with you.
Once you let someone see who you really are, there is no escape from this, and it can feel intimidating– but SO rewarding! This can feel risky because when you open yourself up to someone, you are at your most vulnerable with them. When we share things like “I’m hurt when you don’t call”, ” or “I want to spend my life with you”, you are sharing your hurts, but also your needs and desires. This level is also where we share our emotional responses to things, which is why we tend to save this kind of intimacy for our closest loved ones, like our spouse and family.
Without all five stages of intimacy, you can’t achieve true intimacy. What stages have you gone through in your relationship?
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: 5 levels of intimacy
Posted in Love, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, Trust, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Love is in the air as we look forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day this week!
Relationships aren’t just about romance and feeling “that loving feeling”. They are about feeling safe enough to be intimate with your partner on all levels and completely sharing yourself with another person. This week we will dig into different levels of intimacy for you to be more intentional about intimacy in all your relationships- and not just your romantic ones!
Intimacy Level #1: Safe Communication
There isn’t much risk with this level of intimacy. This communication is the common surface interactions we have with people we might not know well or at all. Comments about weather, facts, obvious statements, and idle chitchat are all part of this stage.
Due to this stage not revealing much about ourselves, there is little chance of rejection. This is what makes it “safe”. Mastering this stage is easier than most, and can open doors for us to move into the next stage.
Benefits of this stage are that you feel safe without the chance of judgement or being hurt by others. But beware- getting stuck in this stage can create a lack of depth and fulfillment that come with the other stages. Even though it might be easy to remain in this stage, you never connect with others in a way you can feel loved and known.
Read about stage #2 tomorrow!
Material Adapted from: powertochange.com “The Five Levels of Intimacy” by Barbara Wilson
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in communication, Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
When you get frustrated with your partner, do you notice a phrase in your head that starts with, “If he really loved me, he would just know I’m upset about ________”?
Or maybe you have conversations in your head that sound like this, “But if I tell her, then she will get so upset. And I can’t stand how I feel when she gets upset. So I guess I can’t say anything.”
If either of these examples sound familiar, your mind might be tangled up in some “Love knots”.
In the book “If you really loved me…”, Dr. Lori Gordon writes about this concept. A love knot is a subconscious assumption we have about love and relationships. When it gets triggered by feeling hurt, scared, frustrated, disappointed, etc., it explodes into a spiral of thoughts that causes us to not be able to think clearly.
These hidden “rules” are based on what we need and expect in relationships that are usually built from experiences in childhood. A love knot feels like it protects us from not getting more hurt in our relationship, but in reality it sabotages the chances of our relationship getting better.
As you read through the love knots discussed this week, I encourage you to step back and see what lies are in your head about relationships. Once you discover one, take a step back and ask “Why do I think that?” Once you get to the root of why, you can start to replace the knot with a healthy expectation.
Check back tomorrow as we start digging in to common love knots we hear our clients struggle with!
Source: “If you really loved me…” by Dr. Lori Gordon
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: "If you really loved me..." by Dr. Lori Gordon
Posted in Codependency, communication, Emotional needs, Love, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
We exit when we feel the ancient feeling of being trapped. Our fight or flight or freeze responses can be traced back to our ancient human days. When we were trapped, we could be attacked or eaten by a saber tooth tiger! Today, however, we are talking about feeling trapped. Some people feel the flight response when their partner gives them ultimatums or like there is no way to please their partner or when they are bound to lose or fail their partner. The benefit we have over our ancient ancestors is we are not in danger of being trapped and eaten by a saber tooth tiger. We can think through our exit response when we feel trapped. When we feel like withdrawing, we can figure out what is making us feel trapped and address it like a modern day man or woman.
We exit when we are tempted to be vulnerable and vulnerability can be dangerous! This one is a big one, especially for anyone with Perfectionism or Shame. It is not in our nature to want to be vulnerable. Again, thanks to these tendencies, our ancestors survived as the fittest humans. But being physically and emotionally vulnerable are two different things. Partners who like the illusion of control have a difficult time feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability opens the door to pain, disappointment, judgement, feeling shame and failure and abandonment. However, without vulnerability, you can have no real connections. Not with anyone. You have to risk vulnerability to achieve any connections with a living person. If you are the type of person who shuts down when someone else “gets too close,” you may struggle in this area. But if you want a human relationship, you will have to come to come to terms with your humanity.
Please come back tomorrow to read more about Exits. As always, thanks for stopping by!
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: exits, vulnerability
Posted in Abandonment, Anxiety, Codependency, Counterdependency, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized | No Comments »
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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