Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
Today we continue to talk about ways to better articulate what you need in order to become a better communicator.
You are an indirect communicator
Many people have a very direct style of communicating. They just come right out and say what they want/need. It often is very straightforward and to the point. For example, someone who is a direct communicator would say to their boss, “I would like a raise”.
Others may not be so direct for fear of coming across as impolite, brash, or blunt. These indirect communicators may instead offer a suggestion, make a side comment, or try to plant a seed to avoid saying exactly what they want. Using the same example as above, an indirect communicator would say to their boss, “So I heard Joe in Accounting just got a raise, and he’s been with our company a shorter time than I have”.
Indirect communicators often hope that by dancing around the topic, the other person will cooperate and read between the lines with the request being made. However, indirect communication is often not truly heard by the intended recipients, so in the end, you may not get what you really want. If this is something you struggle with, I would recommend practicing being more direct with your communication. You might find that people respond better!
Continue to read this week for more roadblocks. Have a great day!
*Source: How to Ask for What You Want by Jane Herman
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: How to ask for what you want by Jane Herman
Posted in communication, Relationships | No Comments »
We continue our talk about things that can get in your way of asking for what you want and becoming a better communicator.
You are afraid of how others will react to what you want to ask for
Too often we play out conversations in our head of how someone will react to us if we ask them for something. Does this ever happen to you? You may want something extremely important (extra time with someone, help watching your children, time by yourself, etc…) and when you think about asking for it, you believe you know how the other person is going to emotionally react or respond. The problem with this is that we are often wrong in our predictions – this is exactly what they are, predictions. We do not know how someone is going to react to us 100% of the time. As a result of doing this behavior, you may talk yourself out of asking for something and convince yourself you won’t get it.
You believe “I shouldn’t have to ask”
Too many people believe this statement! It couldn’t be further from the truth. This statement is based in an irrational belief system that our loved ones can read our minds. Or, believe things that are obvious to us are just as equally obvious to them. Some believe it’s degrading to ask for things you want/desire/need. Holding on to this belief will keep you from asking for these exact things. Reframe your thought processes to an understanding that if your loved ones don’t know your needs, then they have no idea how to help fulfill them (no matter how obvious it may seem to you).
Please check back in tomorrow as we have more roadblocks to cover.
*Source: How to Ask for What You Want by Jane Herman
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: How to ask for what you want by Jane Herman
Posted in communication, Relationships | No Comments »
We all have needs and wants. Sometimes our needs and wants get fulfilled. Sometimes they don’t.
What keeps us from getting what we want? There are many roadblocks that can come between you and getting your needs met.
This week we are sharing some great info on things that keep us from getting our needs met and next week we will focus on how to ask for what you want.
You Don’t Know What You Want
Are you indecisive? This could be one of the reasons you have trouble getting what you want and need. You might not be able to put your finger on what to ask for, or maybe you don’t know what you really need. This type of struggle could leave you feeling like you’re wandering aimlessly, insecure, and uncared for.
You Have a Limited Perspective on What Is Possible
Some people over analyze everything before it comes out of their mouth. This can cause you to not get your needs met because you rule out the possibility of it happening before even asking for it. This struggle can cause you to feel deflated. You might want to dream big and trust that others will hear you and care enough to meet your needs, but you never allow people to do it. You sabotage your possibilities of getting what you want because you can’t envision it happening.
Check back tomorrow for more roadblocks! Thanks for reading!
Source: How to ask for what you want by Jane Herman
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: How to ask for what you want by Jane Herman
Posted in communication, Emotional needs, Individual Therapy, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
Characteristic #2: Teacher/Model
A healthy father knows he’s always being watched by his children. Therefore, he chooses his words carefully, chooses how he reacts to situations, and tries to make as many moments as he can “teaching moments”.
A healthy father has patience when teaching his children things…whether it’s how to ride a bike, helping with homework, or doing a project together. A healthy father understands that his children don’t know how to do some things, and it’s his job to show them the correct way. And, if a father doesn’t know how to do it either, that father will learn the skill/get more information, in order to teach his child.
It’s not just about teaching how to do tasks either. A healthy father understands it’s about modeling healthy relationships and teaching his children how to love & respect others. Again, children are always watching. A healthy father understands he must model a loving, gentle, caring and respectful relationship with his children’s mother. He understands if he doesn’t respect her, that his children won’t respect her either. He understands he must model good character in the community & neighborhood respecting others, again knowing that if he doesn’t respect others, they won’t respect him as well.
A healthy father knows he’s human and knows he’ll make mistakes. He’ll model how to ask for forgiveness when he hurts those around him, and he’ll model forgiveness to others when they hurt him.
He understands he cannot just say “Respect others” or “Go apologize”. He knows he must model and teach his children how to do this in leading by example.
A great movie that demonstrates the character of a father (and husband) is the movie Courageous. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I encourage you to watch it. Have a wonderful Father’s Day, thank you for reading!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: characteristics of a healthy father, Courageous, Healthy fathers
Posted in Family Issues, Healthy Living, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »
As we have discussed earlier this week, ambiguous loss is different than ordinary loss– it entails a lack of clarity or finality that other loss provides. Examples of ambiguous loss include infidelity, a missing person/abduction, divorce, natural disasters where loss is inevitable, adoption, among other things.
Ambiguous loss is different than other losses, in that there is no certainty that things will return to how they used to be, there is no verification of death or certainty that the person will come back.
Instead, with ambiguous loss, the grieving person must get to a place of finding meaning in the loss amidst all of this uncertainty– things may change, but they may not; the person may come back, but they may not. This is a very difficult thing to do, as we discussed previously this week, because ambiguous loss can “freeze” the grief process and prevent closure.
Ambiguous loss is such an important thing to know about, and truly can help the grieving process in understanding how it impacts our lives. If you are struggling with an ambiguous loss, we encourage you to read Pauline Boss’ book “Ambiguous Loss”, or for clinicians, refer to “Loss, Trauma and Resilience”, also by Pauline Boss.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Ambiguous Loss, Pauline Boss
Posted in Grief and Loss, Postpartum Depression, Relationships, Therapy | No Comments »
Memorial Day can be a great time for family and friends to get together and celebrate having a day off at the beginning of summer. But many use the day to memorialize lost loved ones, lost opportunities, and fallen soldiers. This week Imagine Hope is sharing our personal meanings behind this special day!
What Memorial Day means to Teri-
When I think of Memorial Day my first thought is friends and family. This day historically is a day that I celebrate great relationships in my life. I love having a backyard BBQ and relaxing with laughs and fun conversations. It’s a great time for me to catch up with those I’ve missed and to slow down and just “be” with them. So much of my life I am moving from one thing to the next and continually make promises that “We will get together soon- I promise.” The next thing I know months have gone by and the promise has been broken. Taking a break to nurture relationships gives Memorial Day special meaning and reminds me that if I don’t slow down in life and put the effort in with the ones I love, I will miss out on extremely special times.
I wish each of you a special and safe Memorial Day and hope you take advantage of the time to slow down and connect with those you love. You never know when you’ll get your next opportunity! Check in tomorrow to see what Memorial Day means to Tammy!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Healthy Living, Lighten up, Relationships, stress | No Comments »
In honor of Mother’s Day, Imagine Hope is blogging about several different characteristics of a healthy Mom.
5. She is involved in her child’s life– but not too involved.
Sound confusing? I think for most moms and parents, it definitely is! After all, kids don’t come with a manual!
Being involved in your child’s life is so important– attending their activities, spending quality one-on-one time, learning about what is happening in your child’s life, and truly meeting your child on their level and entering their internal world through play, etc.
When does this become too much? When your involvement is inappropriate for their developmental level, when the child is expected to meet the parent’s needs and when you begin to foster dependency needs rather than allowing your child to grow up. For example, expecting your teenager to spend more time with you than their peer group and shaming them for wanting to gain independence. Or wanting your young child to play the role of comforter to you, and to provide for your need to be needed and feel loved, when they need to begin gaining autonomy (e.g., having your child sleep with you in the marital bed, when they need to learn self-soothing).
It’s such a fine line between the two, but so important in raising healthy, well-adjusted children. Mom’s have such a special role in a child’s life. For that, we truly applaud all of the Mother’s out there! Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for reading!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: characterisics of a healthy mother, mothers, Parenting, the role of a mother
Posted in Family Issues, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Individual Therapy, Love, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »
25. When was the last time you talked about your future together, and were you on the same page? Obviously, if you aren’t talking about the future, you have disconnected from one another. Make sure you dream together and set goals that you want to achieve. If you aren’t having conversations about the future –from finances, family, career goals, etc.- – you both will end up with very different expectations of what your future looks like.
26. Do you feel as if you can communicate without saying a word? Sometimes it’s just a glance, body language, or just knowing your partner well enough to know what they think/feel. Make sure that you are always learning about one another, no matter how long you have been together.
27. What is your happiest memory of your time together? Your worst? Are there more happy memories than unhappy ones? If you think back on your relationship, and there are more unhappy memories than happy ones, something is wrong. You and your partner need to evaluate this unhealthy routine you have fallen into, in order to prevent from repeating the same pattern in the future. You should also work on making more positive memories together in the future-plan a trip, surprise your spouse with a gift, etc.!
28. What is a relationship breaker for you, and have you overlooked one in this relationship? This can be anything from infidelity, abuse (physical, emotional, verbal), betrayal of trust, etc. Have you both had appropriate boundaries in your marriage? If something has happened, was it discussed and was there any closure?
29. How do you feel about the last, in-depth conversation you and your partner had? Communication is key in any relationship. If you aren’t talking, you become roommates instead of partners. Make sure that you are constantly learning about one another and fighting fair when there are disagreements.
30. Do you show love for each other often, and if not, why? If you stop trying, the relationship is going to fail. Make sure that you both are affectionate, considerate, and meeting one another’s emotional needs. If you aren’t sure if your spouse if feeling loved by you, check in with them frequently to see what they need from you.
Thank you for reading this week! As always, if you read our blog this week and identified some problem areas in your relationship, make sure to seek professional help before it is too late.
*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com
Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW
Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Terez Williamson
Posted in boundaries, Relationships | No Comments »
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