Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
What are some common traits of hoarders?
There are many traits that contribute to hoarding behaviors, though just because you only share of few of these characteristics doesn’t necessarily indicate you are more or less severe of a hoarder.
Fear of Losing Information: This trait is common when an individual feels the fear of throwing information away “just in case” they might need it later. For example, unread newspapers, magazines, junk mail, etc.
Indecisiveness: Many hoarders are indecisive about things such as what to wear, what food to eat or order at a restaurant, or about certain possessions. Many hoarders will hang onto possessions that currently have no place in the home, feeling indecisive about where to put them or keeping them (again) “just in case” they need them for later. This results in a lot of clutter with unneeded items that never quite find their way into a permanent place in the home. Do you find yourself indecisive with decisions or items?
Fear of Making a Mistake
Hoarders commonly fear making mistakes about the following things: Accidentally throwing something away they might later want or need, not being able to find possessions because they have misplaced them, not having something they want or need in the future (“I can’t throw that away… what if I NEED it later?”), not finding the right or “perfect” place for an item in the home. These may lead to symptoms such as buying duplicate items without enough room for them all, leaving items out in the home because of the fear you might not be able to find something when you need it, or not throwing something away because you may later feel regret about it.
As these authors suggest: Indecisiveness + Fear of Making a Mistake = Clutter
Inability to Prioritize: When you have too much stuff in your home, it often results in feeling overwhelmed. When you feel overwhelmed, it makes it difficult to prioritize what to do first and where to start tasks. Many people report feeling paralyzed by the quantity of things and end up procrastinating.
Fear of Loss: As stated earlier, this may be an overwhelming fear of discarding an item that is viewed as “important”, in case the item might be needed later on. This doesn’t refer to things that have family value, such as a family heirloom or your wedding dress. This would be more like hanging onto junk mail, for fear that it might include a large check in it and the fear you might accidentally throw this away. Many times, hoarders end up with piles, then when you try to clean out one pile, you just end up mixing it with another pile.
Fear of Memory Loss: Hoarding behaviors are connected to the fear of losing a memory. Hoarders are afraid to trust their own memory. Objects don’t hold memories… WE hold memories. Some hoarders might have empty closets, instead, keeping objects in plain sight, cluttering up their home for fear of losing the memory that an object might hold for them.
Lack of Organization: Many hoarders have problems with categorization and end up developing piles and piles of similar objects. They often feel overwhelmed with organizing, not knowing where to begin.
Do you recognize any of these traits of hoarding? If so, we recommend talking with a professional counselor to find out what your hoarding behavior is really all about and how it is effecting your life, or taking the initial steps to working on simplifying and de-cluttering your life!
Adapted from: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding: Why You Save and How You Can Stop, by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu
Posted in addictions, boundaries, coping skills, Family Issues, Healthy Living, hoarding, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Individual Therapy | No Comments »
Some throw the term “hoarder”around loosely about people who collect a lot of a particular items from a point of interest. But not all collectors are suffer from hoarding.
If you know someone who collects, you probably know that collectors take great care in keeping their possessions and take pride in showing others. Collections are often on display, or proudly showcased in curio cabinets. My sons collect Poke mon cards and you will hear all about every one if you ever encounter one of my boys! Collectors spend time and research their collections and often congregate with other collectors or people with similar interests. Collectors usually plan and budget for their loved purchases. Collectors also feel satisfied and proud when they add to their collection.
On the other hand, hoarders often feel embarrassed about the amount of items they may have accumulated. One might purchase an item with an intended function for it, but will not usually follow through. That item will likely be duplicated and duplicated with further purchases. With all of these items, the owner often ends up in a cluttered state. Often times the clutter builds to the point that the owner’s living space is compromised.
Often times hoarding behavior results in debt and financial woes. Often people feel worse or depressed after making the purchase, much like how one would feel after eating an entire pint of ice cream.
Sometimes the clutter accumulated results in hoarders not inviting people to their homes. Hoarders may avoid repair work desperately needed due to embarrassment. They may forego assistance from friends and family when needed in order to hide their clutter.
As you can see, there is a difference between hoarding and collecting.
Please stay tuned as Christy and Joleen continue to explore addressing hoarding behavior. As always, thanks for stopping by!
*Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Complusive Hoarding, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu
Posted in addictions, Anxiety, Healthy Living | No Comments »
Many have watched the reality shows about hoarding…it can be hard to watch. Compulsive hoarding is a real issue that many struggle with.
Neziroglu, Bubrick, and Yaryura-Tobias have written a book called “Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding” that we will be referencing all week as we help our readers understand this issue.
They define hoarding as “acquiring and saving items that have little or no value and then having tremendous difficulty discarding them.”
The following are a list of symptoms identified in the books of those struggling with compulsive hoarding:
- Avoid throwing things away
- Have severe anxiety when throwing things away
- Have trouble making decisions about their stuff
- May feel overwhelmed or embarrassed by their things
- May feel suspicious of others touching items
- Has obsessive thoughts about possessions such as fear of running out of an item, fear of needing it later, needing it just in case, or may search trash to make sure possessions haven’t been thrown away
- May have a loss of space in the home, social isolation, family or marriage problems, financial issues, or health hazards
- Possessions are disorganized
- May have trouble categorizing items
If you related to any of these symptoms, this book could help! Keep reading all week for more info on overcoming hoarding!
Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias, Complusive Hoarding, Jerome Bubrick, Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu
Posted in addictions, Anxiety | No Comments »
The subject of ambiguous loss is a relatively new one to me, as it relates to therapy, but is one that we frequently see with our clients (as well as in our own lives!). Pauline Boss’ book “Ambiguous Loss: Learning To Live With Unresolved Grief” is one of the most amazing books I have read so far this spring!
What is Ambiguous Loss?
Ambiguous Loss is when you have no closure with loss, or when loss is surrounded by uncertainty and ambiguity– examples of this are divorce, addictions, infidelity, dealing with an aging parent, coping with the loss of a missing child, dealing with a relationship breakup, just to name a few. Unlike death, which has finality and an ending, ambiguous loss can be traumatic in that the survivors of this type of loss still have to deal with so much uncertainty in the healing process. The two ways Boss explains this type of loss: When a person is present physically, but is psychologically or emotionally absent (e.g., divorce, relationship break up, mental illness, alzheimer’s disease)– or when a person is physically absent, but is still psychologically or emotionally present (e.g., a missing child, a soldier who is missing in action).
This book not only explains ambiguous loss, but helps the reader to recognize how this type of loss is surrounded by fluctuating feelings of hope to hopelessness, while trying to make sense and find meaning in such loss.
If you recognize an area where you might be dealing with ambiguous loss, this book is highly recommended!
For clinician’s working with Ambiguous Loss in therapy, Pauline Boss’ book “Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss” is a great reference in working with clients, as well.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: Ambiguous Loss, Learning to live with unresolved grief, Loss Trauma and Resilience, Pauline Boss
Posted in Abandonment, addictions, Affairs, Anxiety, coping skills, depression, Divorce, Family Issues, Grief and Loss, Individual Therapy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, Relationships, Suicide, Therapy | No Comments »
Carry On Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton
I do not follow many blogs, but there are some I follow regularly: Brene Brown’s Ordinarycourage.com; Jenny Lawson’s thebloggess.com; Andrea Owen’s Yourkickasslife.com and finally Glennon Melton’s Momastery.com. All of them have published wonderful useful entertaining books in the last year, so I was so excited two weeks ago when my copy of Carry On Warrior by Glennon Melton arrived in the magical brown Amazon box at my door! I immediately told my husband and sons to go do something manly because I was headed to the bathtub to read and did not want to be disturbed.
If you follow momastery.com, you are familiar with Glennon’s story. She is a mother of of three children who writes for her own popular blog site as well as Huffington Post. Even if you do not follow her, you have likely read some of her viral posts like “Don’t Carpe Deum” and “A Mountain I’m Willing to Die On”. If you have not read these posts, you should.
Glennon is someone most of us can relate to. Although she has a checkered past, she has learned from her addictions, eating disorders, recovery and redemption. She is candidly honest about her imperfect life, maternal experiences, and close relationship with God, painful marital struggles, and tender caring heart. Glennon believes that women should stop competing with being suspicious of, and stop hiding from our honest selves. Her blog is a place where we stop making parenting and marriage harder by pretending that it’s not hard. Glennon emphasizes three main thoughts through her work: She teaches us “We can do hard things” and “We belong to each other” and “Love Wins”.
I enjoyed learning more about Glennon’s story through her book. I especially enjoy hearing about parenting challenges since they make me feel more normal in my own parenting journey. Her writing is familiar and funny and feels like reading a letter from a long lost friend. The book made me laugh and cry throughout. Others are touting this book as self-help but I do not see it that way. I read it as more of a connection to another human’s amazing story.
If you are looking for a light beach read, and to regain some centeredness in the often competitive world of wifedom and motherhood, this is the book for you. And if you get a chance, read her post called For Maggie Who Lost Her Lobster. Awesome beautiful post on addiction and loss. Enjoy!
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.
Tags: Carry On Warrior, Glennon Doyle Melton, Momastery.com
Posted in addictions, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Parenting, Relationships, Womens issues | No Comments »
This week, Imagine Hope is discussing the Serenity Prayer and it’s meaning. So far, we have gone through serenity, courage and change. Today we will discuss wisdom.
The serenity prayer states “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.“ Sometimes, when life hands us unfortunate circumstances, we struggle with recognizing what IS and IS NOT in our power to change or control. If we are unaware of what we don’t have the power to change, trying to change those things can lead to a lot of frustration and feelings of helplessness.
Having the widsom of what we can and cannot change is a key part of feeling serenity and being at peace. When we try and change things out of our control (like other people), we definitely can’t have serenity… and it usually brings us the exact opposite of what we are hoping for! Have you ever had someone try and control or change something about you? How did you feel when that person tried to change you? How did you respond to their attempts at trying to control or change you? This usually doesn’t feel very good to be on the receiving end of. Our healthiest relationships are where we don’t try to control or change the other person, but instead, share with them how we are feeling and what we are needing, and decide for ourselves what WE can change about ourselves to make the situation better. Even then, it’s up to the other person to decide whether or not it is something they are willing to change and it’s up to us to decide what we are willing to do differently.
On the flip side, have you ever tried to change something or someone that didn’t want to change? How did it feel when you were trying to “make” them or the situation change? Usually, this feels exhausting and frustrating– and it rarely works. If the person or situation changes, it isn’t authentic– it’s coerced. The other person ends up feeling manipulated and pushed into making changes, which hardly ever results in long term change.
One of the things we ask our clients in therapy is: What are you doing or not doing that is allowing you to be in this situation? This is a powerful example of gaining wisdom into what we can and cannot change. At the end of the day, the only thing we can truly change is ourselves– whether that means changing our reactions to others, changing how much power we give them over us, changing our boundaries with others and what we allow from them, or changing our own situation somehow. Having the wisdom to know the difference means feeling empowered and taking responsibility for own lives and happiness. Do you have the wisdom to know the difference between what you have the power to change and what you can’t?
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.” -Reinhold Niebuhr
Note: The full version of the serenity prayer is shown above, though the most common use for the serenity prayer is the beginning portion, which we have highlighted in this weeks blog. For more information on the history and meaning of the serenity prayer in it’s entirety, go to www.thevoiceforlove.com/serenity-prayer.html
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in addictions, Codependency, counterdependency, Family Issues, Relationship Addiction, Relationships, Sex Addiction, Workaholism | No Comments »
Teri and Tamara have done a wonderful job explaining the Serenity Prayer and Acceptance. The next step goes a little deeper into action.
The COURAGE to CHANGE the things that I can
Let’s go backwards and start with change. When we have a problem or an emotionally distressing situation, we look at it and ask ourselves, ” I’ve accepted what I cannot change. Now what CAN I do to make this different?”
The Oxford Dictionary definition of change lists the following:
-to make or become different
-to take or use another instead of (to remove, get rid of, give up, exchange, or engage differently)
What can we do to make this situation different? Do I need to remove something in my life? Do I need to quit doing something? Do I need to give up something or someone? Could I engage differently to make the situation better? What can I do to experience more serenity? Then put an action plan into place.
Some people can identify what needs to be done. However, having the courage to do it can be quite difficult. It takes guts to make changes when it’s going to ruffle feathers, leave a destructive relationship, quit an addiction, or turn your life upside down. There is fear involved and it takes bravery. However, having the courage to actually do something about the problem will create change. Hopefully, that will create more serenity.
Sometimes it can be difficult to get courage. This is where it is beneficial to have support and encouragement from others, and ultimately, a relationship with God or a Higher Power, to ask for courage from Him.
Tomorrow Joleen will talk about the last part of the Serenity Prayer. May God grant you serenity this week.
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
Tags: Serenity Prayer
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In studying the Serenity Prayer this week, we want an awareness & focus to be on what the words mean, not memorization and repetitiveness of the popular prayer. Let’s look at the second line which focuses on acceptance.
“To Accept the Things I Cannot Change”
According to Dictionary.com, the word “accept” can mean:
- to receive with approval or favor
- to agree or consent to
- to receive
- to regard as true or sound
- to regard as normal, suitable or usual
- to understand
- to receive without adverse reaction
After asking for peace (serenity), we then are asking to understand, or to regard/receive as true and sound the things we cannot change. This means we acknowledge there are some things, people & choices that are out of our control, and that we accept these things. We seek undertanding of our personal limitations without adverse/negative reaction. We admit, “Hey this is normal & usual that I cannot change all things, & the same applies to everyone else”. We have to evaluate and recognize, “I cannot make my spouse quit smoking cigarettes”, or “I cannot make other drivers more friendly on the roads”, or “I cannot make my parent give me the approval I am wanting from them”. We realize if we continue we will drive ourselves crazy (adverse reaction!).
We encourage you to evaluate if there’s anything in your life that you’re trying to control that you need to let go. We hope you keep reading with us the rest of the week as we discuss Courage & Wisdom. Thank you!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: 12-step groups, Serenity Prayer
Posted in addictions, coping skills, Faith Based Living, Relationships, Spirituality, stress | No Comments »
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