Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog

Unhelpful Thinking Habits 3

alexa griffith — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:59:49 +0000

Continuing with this week’s theme of cognitive distortions, we will discuss 3 more negative thinking habits that often times land us smack dab in the middle of trouble.

Emotional Reasoning- If I feel badly about a situation, it must be a bad situation. If I feel anxious, I must be in a dangerous predicament. Sometimes we evaluate situations based on our past experience and do not see the forest for the trees. You may feel like you are in trouble without looking at the current situation. Basing actions and reason solely on feelings can be risky. Look at the situation for what it is, use your context clues. Ask yourself, “what about this situation is making me have this feeling”?

Prediction- Do you have a crystal ball? Or a Magic 8 ball? If you think you know what will happen future, you are using prediction. Now, based on our own experiences, we can guess what may happen. But often people make decisions based on a false security in prediction that land them in trouble. Sometime prediction is a self fulfilling prophecy. Try something instead of predicting the future. You may surprise yourself!

Mountains and Molehills- Sometimes when we find ourselves in a negative situation, it feels very intense. Sometimes we find ourselves exaggerating the risks, or dangers. We overlook the positives or decide not to see the possibilities of our situations. This is called making a mountain out of a molehill. This type of negative thinking is really unhelpful. Creating tunnel vision and only focusing on a blown up version of negativity can skew your perspective and trick you into making decisions out of fear. Look at the details of your situation for what they are. Do not exaggerate, it creates a lie. And who wants to make decisions based on a lie?

Please come back as Natalie and Joleen continue to discuss unhelpful thinking habits. As always thanks for stopping by!

Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield

Unhelpful Thinking Habits-2

joleenwatson — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:27:03 +0000

Just as Teri mentioned yesterday, we are talking this week about the cognitive distortions we all have that can make us experience even more stress and anxiety in our lives. These unhealthy thinking patterns may be so ingrained in us that we may not even realize that we do them!

Judgments

How often do you hear a situation or a story, and immediately jump to a conclusion? These evaluations, or judgments, are often based off of past experiences.

However, our distorted thinking based off of judgment can lead us down a very wrong path. It’s important to not jump to conclusions before making sure that we are seeing the situation as it really is, and looking at the facts, not just our assumptions.

Judging a situation without looking at all the evidence can take a semi-stressful situation and escalate it to a full-blown panic-attack inducing situation.

Mind-Reading

Assuming that we know what others are thinking is also a very unhealthy thinking pattern. Before presuming that you know what someone is going to say/think about a situation, it’s important to actually ask them. You may be surprised at their reaction.

Attempting to mind-read can cause a lot of problems, and a lot of unnecessary stress. Many people attempt to mind-read when it comes to what others think about them. A lot of cognitive distortions can occur when this happens (“He thinks I’m fat”, “She doesn’t think I’m smart”, etc.).

There may be nothing concrete to support these assumptions. That’s why mind-reading can be so harmful, and why it’s important to be aware if you find yourself engaging in this unhelpful and unhealthy thinking.

Continue to read this week as we discuss other unhelpful thinking habits!

Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk

Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW

Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Christy enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Christy also provides family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.

Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

Unhelpful Thinking Habits-1

tericlaassen — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:55:28 +0000

We all have moments of not thinking clearly. Many people have cognitive distortions, or unhelpful thinking habits, that can add stress to an already difficult situation.

This week we are going to describe some of these negative thought patterns with the hopes that you will catch yourself next time it hits. Once you notice the pattern, it is important to take a step back from your thoughts and shift your them back into reality that based on the facts you know as truth, rather than the twisted thoughts in your head.

Mental Filter

Do you have a mental filter that all your thoughts go through? Is the filter made up of positive threads or negative threads?

If you have a mental filter made up of negative threads, your thoughts might be tainted before they even register. It is like looking through dark, dirty glasses and all you see is the yuck.

The danger of this thinking habit is that we will often filter out parts that are true because they don’t fit with our negative thinking. The positive or realistic parts of the situation are dismissed and not given any further thought when you have a negative mental filter.

Thanks for reading. Check back in tomorrow for more info on unhelpful thinking habits!

Source: www.getselfhelp.co.uk

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

How Can You Help With Your Treatment of Postpartum Depression?

joleenwatson — Fri, 17 May 2013 13:09:55 +0000

To help the treatment from your provider work better, there are several things that you can do on your own:

Stay healthy and fit:

Do somthing active every day. Try to take walks or when cleared by your health care provider, go back to the gym or get back into your regular exercise regimin.

Eat healthy food and snacks. Try to make food choices that include balanced foods, instead of junk foods, sweets and salty foods.

Get as much rest as you can. Try to sleep when your baby sleeps.

Do not consume alcohol. This includes beer, wine coolers, hard liquor, or other types of alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, which slows down your body and makes you feel more depressed in the long run. Alcohol will also interfere with any medications you might be taking for Postpartum depression.

Lower your stress:

Make sure to do recreational activities that you enjoyed before pregnancy and birth. Take a class, listen to your favorite music, meet friends out, or read a good book. Even when your time is very limited, it’s important to incorporate old hobbies and activities back into your life when you can.

Do not make any major life changes right after having a baby. These include job changes, re-locations or changing homes, etc. These kinds of changes can add more stress that is unnecessary. Having a baby is a big life change in itself, and it’s better to allow your life to resume with some sense of normalcy before introducing further changes.

Talk to your boss about going back to work. Discuss the possibility of working from home or working part-time when you first go back, which can lower stress and help you cope better with the postpartum depression.

Ask for and ACCEPT help:

Let others help around the house. This might include laundry, cleaning bathrooms, cooking meals, grocery shopping, running errands, or asking friends and family to help with the baby. Don’t feel like you need to do everything on your own to be a “good parent”. Don’t be afraid to tell people what you are needing.

Keep in touch with the people who are important to you in life and try not to isolate. Tell your partner, friends and family how you are feeling.

Take time for yourself. Along with old hobbies and recreational things, it’s important to have alone time whenever possible. This could be used for self-care (manicure, pedicure, haircut and style, reading or journaling, exercise, yoga, etc.) or for fun. Becoming a parent means constant demands for time and attention, and self-care is vital to having enough energy and motivation in your “tank” to be able to provide for a little one when needed.

Have you recognized any tips for postpartum depression that might apply to you or be helpful in your recovery process?

Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.

Ways to Treat Postpartum Depression

nataliechandler — Wed, 15 May 2013 18:06:16 +0000

There are many ways to treat Postpartum Depression. It is important to understand with PPD, the sooner you get help, the easier it is to treat and the less problems or complications you may have with your treatment.

The first thing to do is to decide who you will go to treat it. Here are some qualified professionals:

1. Your OBGYN*
2. Your primary care physician
3. Certified nurse-midwife
4. Your baby’s provider
5. Mental Health professional such as a counselor who specializes in PPD
*Usually your OBGYN is the one who will be the most familiar with this area and know the best recommendations.

Next, you can decide how you will treat it based on their recommendations. Some of their recommendations may include the following:

1. Support groups- This is an excellent way to treat PPD. You will meet other people who are feeling the exact way you are. Additionally, you will gain support and ideas for how to treat it outside of the group.

2. Counseling- Having someone who can be objective is priceless. They can listen to you, give recommendations about what else you can be doing, and to help with any road blocks that you may come to.

3. Medicine- Some doctors will recommend an antidepressant to get you through this time. Additionally, sometimes PPD can be caused from low Estrogen. If this is the case, your doctor may recommend taking additional estrogen to increase your levels until they begin increasing on their own.

It is very important to not stop taking medications your doctor prescribes for PPD until you speak with your doctor. Also, some medications that are recommended for PPD are not safe for breastfeeding mothers. This is why it is so important to talk to a doctor before taking anything over the counter for PPD if you are nursing.

Remember, the sooner you get help, the better you will feel. Tomorrow Joleen will give you things you can do to help you feel better. Thank you for reading!

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

What are the signs of Postpartum Depression?

alexa griffith — Wed, 15 May 2013 16:27:42 +0000

After the baby comes, women are often overwhelmed with many feelings. A mother may feel tired, happy, anxious, frustrated, in love, and blue. Sometimes all at once! A breast feeding specialist once told me, when the milk comes in, so to the tears. So many feelings!

However, PPD steps these feelings up a notch. Signs that you may be experiencing PPD are:

Feeling depressed most of the day every day
Feeling shame, guilt, or like a failure
Feeling anxious or scared all the time
Severe mood swings

Changes in daily habits are to be expected with a newborn. However, signs that you may have PPD are:

Having little or no interest in things you normally like to do
Feeling tired all the time
Changes in eating habits
Gaining or losing weight (not justified by the fact that you just had a baby)
Having trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (not justified by the fact that you are up at strange hours tending to your baby)
Having trouble concentrating or making decisions (not justified by the fact that you just had a baby and have little sleep)

An important sign that you need to pay attention to is how you feel about yourself or your baby.

Are you having trouble bonding with your baby?
Do you think of hurting yourself or your baby?
Do you think about killing yourself?

Can having PPD affect your baby? Yes! If you are suffering from untreated PPD your baby may:

Have trouble bonding with you
Cry a lot
Be delayed in development
Show behavior problems

If you feel you may have PPD, call your health care provider right away. There are medical interventions and therapies that can help. If you are feeling suicidal or like you will harm your baby, please call 911 immediately.

Please come back tomorrow as Natalie discussed treatment options for PPD. As always, thanks for stopping by!

*Source: March of Dimes “Postpartum Feelings” from www.marchofdimes.com

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

What Causes Postpartum Depression?

tamarawilhelm — Tue, 14 May 2013 13:00:22 +0000

There’s not an exact answer to this question. We do know that women who are younger (early 20′s) and who have experienced depression prior to having a baby or during their pregnancy are at higher risk. You’re also at risk if your family has a history of depression or other mood disorders (even if they were not treated for these disorders).

Most importantly, a woman will be high risk for PPD if she’s recently had stressful events occur in her life. These can include:

health problems during pregnancy, a difficult pregnancy, or if the baby was born with health concerns
A death of a loved one
If a loved one has been diagnosed with an illness
Relationship issues with your significant other – including but not limited to infidelity, abuse, addiction, job loss, etc.
Decreased support during the pregnancy from family or friends
Financial issues
If the pregnancy was unplanned
Trouble adjusting to motherhood
You yourself struggling with addiction (alcohol, smoking, pills, etc…)

After childbirth, a woman’s body goes through a lot of changes in hormones. This too can cause PPD. 24 hours after childbirth a woman’s hormones quickly go back to their normal levels, but this quick drop in hormones can lead to PPD.

For first-time parents, it’s natural to question your abilities. However, if you’re having negative thoughts and feelings about being a mom, this can lead to PPD and you need to speak to your doctor.

Talk to your doctor if:

you doubt you’ll be a good mom
you put pressure on yourself to be the perfect mom
you believe you’ll “lose” the person you were before the baby came along
you believe you’re less attractive than you were before
you have no free time for yourself
you are not getting enough sleep or quality sleep

Your doctor, family, friends and loved ones are there to help you. PPD is not to be taken lightly and you are not alone. If you are currently having any of these thoughts, or recognize these statements in anyone you love, please talk to your doctor, or ask your loved one to speak to a professional.

We have lots more information to share with you about PPD. Please check back in as we cover this very important topic.

*Source: March of Dimes “Postpartum Feelings” from www.marchofdimes.com

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC

*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.

What is Postpartum Depression?

joleenwatson — Mon, 13 May 2013 13:44:39 +0000

In honor of the March of Dimes March for Babies this weekend, we wanted to take this week to talk about the emotional changes that can take place after the birth for mom-specifically postpartum depression (PPD).

Postpartum depression affects 1 out of every 8 women who have given birth. It is characterized by strong feelings of sadness, usually starting 1 to 3 weeks after the birth. It lasts a long time, and can make it difficult to care for your new baby.

It is not your fault! Having PPD does not make you a bad person, or a bad mother. In fact, it is the most common complication that women experience after giving birth.

It’s not just the “baby blues”. The “baby blues” only last 3 to 5 days after birth, and are characterized by sadness, irritability, trouble sleeping, and being emotional. The “baby blues” diminish within 10 days. PPD is much more severe and lasts a lot longer.

Continue to read this week as we talk about the causes and treatment of PPD. Thanks for stopping by!

*Source: March of Dimes “Postpartum Feelings” from www.marchofdimes.com

Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW

Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

Characteristics of a Healthy Mother- 5

joleenwatson — Fri, 10 May 2013 19:43:15 +0000

In honor of Mother’s Day, Imagine Hope is blogging about several different characteristics of a healthy Mom.

5. She is involved in her child’s life– but not too involved.

Sound confusing? I think for most moms and parents, it definitely is! After all, kids don’t come with a manual!

Being involved in your child’s life is so important– attending their activities, spending quality one-on-one time, learning about what is happening in your child’s life, and truly meeting your child on their level and entering their internal world through play, etc.

When does this become too much? When your involvement is inappropriate for their developmental level, when the child is expected to meet the parent’s needs and when you begin to foster dependency needs rather than allowing your child to grow up. For example, expecting your teenager to spend more time with you than their peer group and shaming them for wanting to gain independence. Or wanting your young child to play the role of comforter to you, and to provide for your need to be needed and feel loved, when they need to begin gaining autonomy (e.g., having your child sleep with you in the marital bed, when they need to learn self-soothing).

It’s such a fine line between the two, but so important in raising healthy, well-adjusted children. Mom’s have such a special role in a child’s life. For that, we truly applaud all of the Mother’s out there! Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for reading!

Characteristics of a Healthy Mother 3

alexa griffith — Wed, 08 May 2013 12:47:48 +0000

This week before Mother’s Day we are examining what characteristics make a healthy mother. Most moms want to do their best to raise happy well- adjusted children. We are often blamed for the troubles of our children by the media, psychological theories (thanks Freud) and most of all, other mothers. The best way to inoculate our families from the harmful effects of the universe is attunement. No I am not talking about barber shop style acapella singing groups (thank goodness), but really connecting with, or being in tune with your child. Attunement is being aware of, and responding to your child. This is not an easy task. Mothers are famous for being pulled in a myriad of different directions, so staying attuned with your child takes planning and effort.

Keep your eye on the prize: Attunement

Understand that you will be distracted immediately. During pregnancy, mothers are immediately attacked by other mothers with “well meaning” questions like, “you eat gluten while gestating?”, or or “ breast or bottle?” or “stay at home or return to work?” or “will you deliver naturally, silently, in the woods and plant the placenta as fertilizer, or in a cold hard hospital bed with an epidural that will make your baby thinks it’s a rhinoceros for the first five years of its life?” It seems that you have to choose a side or all will be lost. It seems impossible that you can trust yourself and your child to become attuned to be able to decide these big decisions for yourself! Some of the star performers in the judgey child rearing world make Texas cheerleading tryouts look welcoming. These mothers have a sort of gravitational pull, like a black hole, and they will suck your intelligent confident self into the abyss never to be seen or heard from again. They will try to make you question your every move from choice of prenatal vitamins to your relationship with your grandchildren. The mommy wars are fought long and hard, but they are not winnable wars. A healthy mom knows her prize is not the admiration of other moms, but a happy well-adjusted child. Avoiding the mommy war is the only way to win it.

When you are attuned with your child, you will not need other mothers to tell you what is right for your child. You will know by communicating with your child through eye contact, conversation, gentle touch, quality time and simply being engaged. This is where you recognize facial expressions and gestures and respond to the needs of the child. That is, as long, as you put down the other distractions. Yes, that means your smart phone, portable e reader, lap top or other form of cocaine for the mind that we drift toward when we have five seconds of free time. You child knows when she is talking to you and your reply is “uh huh, uh huh, mmmmmm, just one second…” that you are not really attuned with them. They know because they perfected the move. Park the gadgets for dinner time, or car time, or time when you could actually have a discussion with your child instead of trolling their Facebook page to see what is going on.

When your child is young and has limited vocabulary, getting down on the floor and playing with your child creates wonderful attunement. Play along with your child (not sit by the child and read while he plays, that does not count). Ask your child about the play, ask how they want you to play, reflect what you see them doing while they play. This kind of activity allows children to know you are engaged in what they are doing and you find them interesting. Sometime children will appear to be disinterested in attunement. This is a developmentally appropriate response in tween to teenage years. It is also a ruse designed to throw you off course. The thing about tweens and teens is that they still crave your interest and attention. Now, they may not crawl up in your lap and want to cuddle anymore, but they still want to be heard, seen, and valued. Do not let these kids push you away. Stay attuned. It may be uncomfortable for you, but you are a mother. And as mothers, it is not our job to be comfortable.

Please stay tuned this week as Natalie and Christy continue to share characteristics of a healthy mother. As always, thanks for stopping by.

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Characteristics of a Healthy Mother #4

nataliechandler — Tue, 07 May 2013 15:18:35 +0000

I think as a society in general, we tend to focus on what we are doing “wrong” as parents. I love what we are doing this week as we focus on what a healthy Mom looks like vs. what we are all doing wrong. Today we are going to focus on discipline.

Discipline is about Teaching, not just Punishment

When we think of discipline we often think of punishment. But the actual word “disciple” comes from the word “discipline” because it is about teaching.

One of the best ways to teach your child is thru positive reinforcement. It is easy to focus on what a child is doing “wrong” when they are having negative behaviors. But if you start focusing on the positive things too (even if you have to dig a little), it will go a long way in helping them to start focusing on doing what’s positive, too. Rewarding positive behavior will guide them into thinking about positive things they can do vs. the negative.

However, let’s talk about negative behaviors. We can’t focus on the positive all the time. A healthy Mom thinks of consequences that are logical and that fit the crime. Natural consequences are the best- if you don’t do your homework, you will get a bad grade. If you don’t eat your breakfast, you’ll be hungry by 9:00 (they will live!). But if natural ones don’t exist, logical are the best. If you don’t come home by curfew, you won’t go out tomorrow night because you are not showing you are responsible enough to go out. If you slug your neighbor instead of using your words, you won’t play with your neighbors for a week to give you some time to think of another way to handle the situation. Remember, logical and natural are the best.

The most important thing to remember with discipline is being consistent and following thru. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you tell them there will be a consequence and you don’t follow thru, they will quit believing you and won’t care about the consequence. Now there are times where you need to be flexible and open, but for the majority of the time, stick to your guns!

And lastly, don’t forget to teach. Talk to your kids about the consequences of their actions. Share with them an appropriate story from your childhood that may help them understand how your mistakes made a difference in you. Or how your good choices helped you in the end.

Remember, it’s not all about punishment, it’s about teaching (remember disciple).

My hat goes off to every Mom reading this. Our job is among the most challenging! Every day our heart walks out the door and we pray for it’s return. Hopefully, some positive discipline will make your job (and their lives) a lot better.

Thank you for reading and Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Adapted from “Positive Parenting” by Natalie Chandler. To read the entire article go to http://www.imaginehopecounseling.com/nkcblog/?p=450

Written by Natalie Chandler

Characteristics of a Healthy Mother 2

tamarawilhelm — Tue, 07 May 2013 13:00:03 +0000

I love the scene from the movie, The Help, that Teri discussed yesterday. It’s so important to use kind/encouraging words with children. Here is another characteristic of a healthy mother:

Characteristic #2 A Healthy Mother Doesn’t Pick Favorites & Knows They Need to Love Their Children Differently

Mother’s know each of their children are separate individuals, each with their own separate emotional needs, talents and abilities. While your 1st born may have been a very special and unique and separate experience from your 3rd or 4th born, a healthy mother does not show favoritism toward any of her children.

Each child has the same household rules and consequences to abide by and to receive. However, it’s a balancing act when it comes to loving them differently. Although you have the same rules for each child, and punish/give out consequences equally between them, the way you show love will be dependent upon each child individually.

A healthy mom knows each of her children’s strengths, and understands they each need love in different ways. She knows one of her children is more contact/physical touch oriented, so she knows to play outdoors with them, versus making them stay inside with her. She knows her other child prefers to use their imagination, so she’ll build things, watch movies, and have figurine wars/tea parties with them. If she has an intellectual child, she’ll read with them, and actively listen to the things they find interesting. A healthy mother embraces their differences and doesn’t try to make her children act like each other.

If her children are complete opposites (as generally happens in a family), their differences are celebrated and the children are not compared to one another. To do so would create jealousy and inadequacy in the children.

I think this quote by Albert Einstein sums it all up: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Thank you for reading! Please come back for more Characteristics of a Healthy Mother.

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC

Characteristics Of A Healthy Mother 1

tericlaassen — Mon, 06 May 2013 10:37:29 +0000

Mother’s Day is approaching on Sunday! I know this day can be exciting for some as they celebrate motherhood, while for others it can be painful due to loss of a mom, having a strained relationship with a mom, or having difficulty in trying to become a mom.

Regardless of your feelings on Mother’s Day, we thought it would be helpful to write about traits to help you understand what a healthy mom looks like. We know this can bring up mixed feelings of gratitude or heartache depending on your relationship with your own mother, and/ or how you have parented your own kids. We hope this will offer direction and hope in all of your relationships!

Characteristic #1: A Healthy Mother Uses Words Wisely

Words are powerful. They can cause you to feel amazing and loved, or they can cut you to the core. Being aware as a mom of how you use your words will have a huge impact on your kids.

When you use critical and shaming words and tones, kids will shrink under the impression that they are not good enough and that love is conditional. This can cause intense psychological wounds that will stay with a child for a life time.

A healthy mom will use words to encourage, teach, and praise a child. She is intentional to use loving words to redirect and discipline in a way that doesn’t cause a child harm. She focuses on a child’s behavior as being bad, instead of the child himself as bad.

A healthy mother is careful to not joke in a way that can end in pain for her child. She understands that even a joke can leave scars behind.

She speaks to her child the way she wants to be spoken to. After all, kids learn to communicate from what is modeled before them. They will learn by watching you.

We hope you understand the power of your words and choose them wisely. In the movie “The Help”, there is a classic moment where a maid repeats to a young girl over and over these words, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” (by Kathryn Stockett). This scene depicts the importance of connecting with your child through words. A healthy mother uses her words to show love.

Check in tomorrow for more traits of healthy moms!

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

30 Questions To Ask About Your Relationship 25-30

joleenwatson — Fri, 03 May 2013 13:41:43 +0000

25. When was the last time you talked about your future together, and were you on the same page? Obviously, if you aren’t talking about the future, you have disconnected from one another. Make sure you dream together and set goals that you want to achieve. If you aren’t having conversations about the future –from finances, family, career goals, etc.- – you both will end up with very different expectations of what your future looks like.

26. Do you feel as if you can communicate without saying a word? Sometimes it’s just a glance, body language, or just knowing your partner well enough to know what they think/feel. Make sure that you are always learning about one another, no matter how long you have been together.

27. What is your happiest memory of your time together? Your worst? Are there more happy memories than unhappy ones? If you think back on your relationship, and there are more unhappy memories than happy ones, something is wrong. You and your partner need to evaluate this unhealthy routine you have fallen into, in order to prevent from repeating the same pattern in the future. You should also work on making more positive memories together in the future-plan a trip, surprise your spouse with a gift, etc.!

28. What is a relationship breaker for you, and have you overlooked one in this relationship? This can be anything from infidelity, abuse (physical, emotional, verbal), betrayal of trust, etc. Have you both had appropriate boundaries in your marriage? If something has happened, was it discussed and was there any closure?

29. How do you feel about the last, in-depth conversation you and your partner had? Communication is key in any relationship. If you aren’t talking, you become roommates instead of partners. Make sure that you are constantly learning about one another and fighting fair when there are disagreements.

30. Do you show love for each other often, and if not, why? If you stop trying, the relationship is going to fail. Make sure that you both are affectionate, considerate, and meeting one another’s emotional needs. If you aren’t sure if your spouse if feeling loved by you, check in with them frequently to see what they need from you.

Thank you for reading this week! As always, if you read our blog this week and identified some problem areas in your relationship, make sure to seek professional help before it is too late.

*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com

Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW

Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

30 Questions To Ask About Your Relationship 19-24

nataliechandler — Thu, 02 May 2013 16:37:47 +0000

If you haven’t read questions 1-18 yet, please go back and read them. These are excellent questions this week.

19. Would you ever consider having an affair? If either of you answered yes to this, get help immediately! That is a slippery slope to be considering that. Many people lie to themselves, justify affairs and believe they will actually HELP the relationship. This is a myth! If you really feel so confident that an affair will help, talk to your spouse about it. Get his/her permission first! And if by chance they give you the go ahead, get help immediately! Definitely something is wrong in the relationship that needs tended to.

20. Are you excited about your future together? Hopefully you share dreams together. It’s important to live in the present but hope for the future. What do you plan to do when you grow old? What do you want to do for vacation this summer? Get excited and dream together!

21. Do you feel your relationship is a true partnership? If not, it’s time to talk! Relationships should definitely be partnerships. Each partner needs to give and take, understanding each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Try to utilize one partners strength where the other is weak. If a relationship feels like a parent/child relationship, there is a problem and some outside help might be needed. This can create various issues that we can save for another blog.

22. When was your last romantic outing? It is very important for couples to continue dating. Part of what you enjoyed about each other was the time you spent together…alone. Make it a priority to go out on a date at least once a month (more if you don’t have kids!) and have “at home dates” after the kids go to bed. Turn off the tv, computers, phones and play a game, have a quiet dinner, or anything you do to relax

23. Does it bother you if your partner has friends of the opposite sex and why? This question is tricky. It is so important to have good boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. If you don’t, emotional affairs can start and sometimes even sexual affairs. It’s important for you and spouse to decide on the boundaries. And it’s even more important to talk about them if one of the boundaries is broken. This isn’t being possessive. It’s being accountable.

24. Do you accept each other’s belief systems? People are much more flexible with people’s belief systems before they get married. Usually it’s because they think they can change it. It’s important to not only respect other’s beliefs but also to try to understand them and how it relates to your partner.

Hopefully these questions will get some conversations started with your partner. Thank you for reading. Check back tomorrow for the rest of the questions.

Source: “30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship” by Terez Williamson on tinybuddah.com

Written by Natalie Chandler

Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville

30 Questions To Ask About Your Relationship 13-18

alexa griffith — Wed, 01 May 2013 15:09:30 +0000

13. How do you feel when your partner arrives home after being away? This is a good barometer for how you feel about your partner. Do you look forward or dread seeing them after time apart. Absence should make the heart grow fonder, not resentful.

14. Is your partner your best friend? Friendship, playfulness and respect are all healthy and essential components of a healthy loving relationship. Is your partner the first one you want to tell when you have exciting news, or when you need encouragement? Are you a good friend to your partner?

15. Is there a secret you are keeping that if your partner knew, you would feel you would lose them? This question speaks to trust, vulnerability, and shame. Secrets foster shame and make vulnerability seem bigger than it is. Secrets destroy trust which is essential to a lasting relationship. If you are keeping secrets, it is important to ask yourself what that means.

16. Do you feel that your partner accepts you? Authentic love knows who you are. Are you the real deal with your partner? Does your partner accept that you are imperfectly beautiful in your own right? Do you have to put on a show or wear a mask to keep your partner or do you allow yourself to be the true you around them?

17. When did you realize you had fallen in love and how do you feel when you think about it? Falling in love is often an exciting time! You have lots of feel good hormones flowing enabling you to get close to your partner. Sometimes people feel scared, or apprehensive, or angry, or vulnerable, or elated, or excited, or relieved! How did you feel?

18. Have you seen each other at your best and worst? Now, we don’t all need to catch a nasty stomach bug and do all that in plain view of our partner. However, we can wake up without the need to be completely dressed and presentable before she wakes up. Can you imagine him showing up early for your date while you are still in yoga pants and sweaty from your Zumba class? What would be the reaction?

These are all good questions to ponder. Tomorrow Natalie will help us with identifying more helpful ways to look at our relationships. As always, thanks for stopping by!

*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling.

30 Questions to Ask About Your Relationship 7-12

tamarawilhelm — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 13:00:10 +0000

#7 – When you think of your partner, do you smile? – Is your gut reaction to smile when you think of your spouse or your significant other? We hope so! If your initial reaction is to roll your eyes or take a deep breath, then why? If your reaction is to feel warmth and love then pay attention to those feelings.

#8 – Do you feel threatened when others find your partner attractive, and why? - The answers to these questions are very important. They reveal where these insecurities arise from. Pay attention if your answers come from your partners actual behaviors or from within yourself and your own insecurities.

#9 – Do you believe your partner is your biggest advocate? - We all need a cheering squad from time to time to encourage us along the way. This may comprise of family, friends, and our significant other. Having your partner in your corner is extremely important – and vice versa. Have they stood up for you in the past when you’ve need them the most? Do you do the same for them?

#10 – How do you feel about your partner’s views on finances? - Do you respect your partners spending habits and personal views on money? Do you argue about money and how it’s spent? Money is one of the top reasons couples seek counseling. Get on the same page by talking to your partner about what money means to each of you (safety, freedom, control, etc…).

#11 – Do you enjoy spending time with your partner’s relatives? Friends? - Is this an area of arguments? Do you love your partners family and believe their friends are extended family?

#12 – Do either of you dredge up resentments in arguments, and why have you struggled to let them go?- Are you holding onto resentments because you feel “unheard” in arguments and therefore, keep bringing up the argument? Or, are you trying to punish your partner and make them pay for something they’ve done but have apologized for? Maybe there’s another reason?

With all of these questions we’re providing you this week, the answers all lie within you. The goal is to get you thinking and reflecting – if you’re questioning the relationship you’re in. It’s always best to take the focus off the other person and put it on yourself – since the only control we truly have is over ourselves. Thank you for reading.

*Source: 30 Questions To Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship by Terez Williamson by tinybudda.com

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC

30 Questions to Ask About Your Relationship 1-6

tericlaassen — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 10:41:25 +0000

Everyone questions themselves…did I make the right or wrong choice? Should or shouldn’t I? Why do I do that? etc.

Questions are a normal part of the human experience. Asking them and looking for answers can give you insight and clarity into your life and the path to walk down. Walking blindly without asking yourself key questions could end in some avoidable pain.

The questions we are sharing this week can help you sort through your relationship and help you evaluate how healthy it is. We hope they challenge you to work towards a healthier relationship!

#1- Do you completely trust each other?- Trust is an important part of partnership. If trust gets broken, the relationship could fall apart quickly.

#2- Do you believe in soul mates, and if so do you believe you are each others?- Some people believe that you are meant to be with someone specific in this world. Many think of it in a romanticized “fate-like” way, but I believe a soul mate is more someone who is able to touch and connect with you in your soul. It requires trust, connection, and a lot of vulnerability.

#3- When was the last time you said, “I love you?” If it’s been a while, why?- Affirming your love for your partner is important. We shouldn’t just assume that they “know”… we need to let our partner know that we love them by showing it and saying it!

#4- Are you satisfied with the intimacy you share?- This doesn’t just mean sexually, but also emotionally. Does your relationship meet your emotional needs? Is there depth to the connection you share? The more emotionally vulnerable you are with your partner, the more satisfying the intimacy will be.

#5- How often do you laugh together?- Having fun in a relationship is vital to longevity. Being playful and laughing together can create a powerful connection.

#6- Do you feel you have made personal sacrifices for your relationship, and have they been reciprocated?- Give and take is part of a healthy relationship. It can’t be all your way or your partner’s way. Compromise is necessary for both members of the relationship.

Keep reading tomorrow for more important questions to ask about your relationship!

Source: “30 Questions to Help If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship” by Terez Williamson on tinybuddah.com

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

Hoarding: Common Traits of Hoarders

joleenwatson — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 19:20:41 +0000

What are some common traits of hoarders?

There are many traits that contribute to hoarding behaviors, though just because you only share of few of these characteristics doesn’t necessarily indicate you are more or less severe of a hoarder.

Fear of Losing Information: This trait is common when an individual feels the fear of throwing information away “just in case” they might need it later. For example, unread newspapers, magazines, junk mail, etc.

Indecisiveness: Many hoarders are indecisive about things such as what to wear, what food to eat or order at a restaurant, or about certain possessions. Many hoarders will hang onto possessions that currently have no place in the home, feeling indecisive about where to put them or keeping them (again) “just in case” they need them for later. This results in a lot of clutter with unneeded items that never quite find their way into a permanent place in the home. Do you find yourself indecisive with decisions or items?

Fear of Making a Mistake

Hoarders commonly fear making mistakes about the following things: Accidentally throwing something away they might later want or need, not being able to find possessions because they have misplaced them, not having something they want or need in the future (“I can’t throw that away… what if I NEED it later?”), not finding the right or “perfect” place for an item in the home. These may lead to symptoms such as buying duplicate items without enough room for them all, leaving items out in the home because of the fear you might not be able to find something when you need it, or not throwing something away because you may later feel regret about it.

As these authors suggest: Indecisiveness + Fear of Making a Mistake = Clutter

Inability to Prioritize: When you have too much stuff in your home, it often results in feeling overwhelmed. When you feel overwhelmed, it makes it difficult to prioritize what to do first and where to start tasks. Many people report feeling paralyzed by the quantity of things and end up procrastinating.

Fear of Loss: As stated earlier, this may be an overwhelming fear of discarding an item that is viewed as “important”, in case the item might be needed later on. This doesn’t refer to things that have family value, such as a family heirloom or your wedding dress. This would be more like hanging onto junk mail, for fear that it might include a large check in it and the fear you might accidentally throw this away. Many times, hoarders end up with piles, then when you try to clean out one pile, you just end up mixing it with another pile.

Fear of Memory Loss: Hoarding behaviors are connected to the fear of losing a memory. Hoarders are afraid to trust their own memory. Objects don’t hold memories… WE hold memories. Some hoarders might have empty closets, instead, keeping objects in plain sight, cluttering up their home for fear of losing the memory that an object might hold for them.

Lack of Organization: Many hoarders have problems with categorization and end up developing piles and piles of similar objects. They often feel overwhelmed with organizing, not knowing where to begin.

Do you recognize any of these traits of hoarding? If so, we recommend talking with a professional counselor to find out what your hoarding behavior is really all about and how it is effecting your life, or taking the initial steps to working on simplifying and de-cluttering your life!

Adapted from: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding: Why You Save and How You Can Stop, by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias

Hoarding: Identify the Reasons Why You Save

joleenwatson — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:51:02 +0000

This week we have been talking about hoarding and breaking down what it is/isn’t. One of the ways you can determine whether you hoard or not is to evaluate why you save things. Here are some of most common reasons:

You keep it “just in case” a need for it arises
You feel it’s unique and can’t be replaced
You feel you give the item a good home and protect it
You can’t decide exactly where it should go
You think you will feel horrible later if you throw it away now
It has some value
You can’t remember why you saved it in the first place, but you must have had your reasons
You can’t throw away printed information until you read it, understand, or remember it
It has sentimental value
Although it isn’t valuable now, it may be in the future

Do any of these sound familiar? Some other questions to ask yourself are: Do you experience grief or loss when someone else loses or discards of your possessions? Do you like to feel in control of your possessions? Does surrounding yourself with your possessions make you feel safe and comfortable?

If you are able to identify with any of these, you may benefit from counseling to help you process through your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Continue to read tomorrow as Joleen shares more information about hoarding. Thanks for reading!

*Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias

Written by: Christy Fogg, MSW, LCSW

Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.

Hoarding or Collecting?

alexa griffith — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:03:39 +0000

Some throw the term “hoarder”around loosely about people who collect a lot of a particular items from a point of interest. But not all collectors are suffer from hoarding.

If you know someone who collects, you probably know that collectors take great care in keeping their possessions and take pride in showing others. Collections are often on display, or proudly showcased in curio cabinets. My sons collect Poke mon cards and you will hear all about every one if you ever encounter one of my boys! Collectors spend time and research their collections and often congregate with other collectors or people with similar interests. Collectors usually plan and budget for their loved purchases. Collectors also feel satisfied and proud when they add to their collection.

On the other hand, hoarders often feel embarrassed about the amount of items they may have accumulated. One might purchase an item with an intended function for it, but will not usually follow through. That item will likely be duplicated and duplicated with further purchases. With all of these items, the owner often ends up in a cluttered state. Often times the clutter builds to the point that the owner’s living space is compromised.

Often times hoarding behavior results in debt and financial woes. Often people feel worse or depressed after making the purchase, much like how one would feel after eating an entire pint of ice cream.

Sometimes the clutter accumulated results in hoarders not inviting people to their homes. Hoarders may avoid repair work desperately needed due to embarrassment. They may forego assistance from friends and family when needed in order to hide their clutter.

As you can see, there is a difference between hoarding and collecting.

Please stay tuned as Christy and Joleen continue to explore addressing hoarding behavior. As always, thanks for stopping by!

*Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias

Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT

Hoarding: Self-Assessment

tamarawilhelm — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 13:00:39 +0000

Now that we’ve discussed the symptoms of hoarding, let’s see how you evaluate your own symptoms. Answer the questions as honestly as you can.

The following questions are not meant to be a scientific tool, but to help you understand yourself better.

Answer the following questions by answering “yes” or “no”:

Do you have difficulty throwing things away or get anxious when thinking about discarding your possessions?
Do you have so many possessions that your rooms are cluttered?
Do you often feel an urge to buy things or acquire free things, but know you really don’t need them?
Do you often decide to purchase or acquire items even if you know you have no space for them?
Do you have possessions taking up so much floor space that it’s difficult to move around the room?
Have you ever not been able to use a piece of furniture (sofa, table, chair) for it’s intended purpose b/c it was used as storage space for your possessions?
Have you ever been so embarrassed by the number of your possessions that you did not want people to see certain rooms in your house?
Has saving or acquiring possessions resulted in financial strain for you or your family?
Has the number of your possessions ever been the reason for arguments or disagreements within your family?
Do you often feel like you need additional storage space?
Have your possessions ever been damaged because of inadequate storage space?
Have you ever shoplifted as a way of acquiring possessions?
Have you ever been arrested for shoplifting?
Do you spend 30 minutes/30 minutes - 2 hours/more than 2 hours a day looking for objects around your house?
Do you spend 30 minutes/30 minutes-2 hours/more than 2 hours a day related to your saving behaviors including thinking about your possessions?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to a lot of the questions above, we strongly urge you to get the book (cited below) and seek a professional counselor to help you with your hoarding behavior. You are not alone, and you do have options. We have much more information we’ll be sharing with you this week on hoarding. Thank you for reading!

*Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias

Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC

What Is Hoarding?

tericlaassen — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:52:06 +0000

Many have watched the reality shows about hoarding…it can be hard to watch. Compulsive hoarding is a real issue that many struggle with.

Neziroglu, Bubrick, and Yaryura-Tobias have written a book called “Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding” that we will be referencing all week as we help our readers understand this issue.

They define hoarding as “acquiring and saving items that have little or no value and then having tremendous difficulty discarding them.”

The following are a list of symptoms identified in the books of those struggling with compulsive hoarding:

Avoid throwing things away
Have severe anxiety when throwing things away
Have trouble making decisions about their stuff
May feel overwhelmed or embarrassed by their things
May feel suspicious of others touching items
Has obsessive thoughts about possessions such as fear of running out of an item, fear of needing it later, needing it just in case, or may search trash to make sure possessions haven’t been thrown away
May have a loss of space in the home, social isolation, family or marriage problems, financial issues, or health hazards
Possessions are disorganized
May have trouble categorizing items

If you related to any of these symptoms, this book could help! Keep reading all week for more info on overcoming hoarding!

Source: Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding by Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Bubrick, and Jose A. Yaryura-Tobias

Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC

What Kind of Unglued Are You? The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks

joleenwatson — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 20:06:26 +0000

The Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks

What do you do with your feelings about small (and not-so-small) situations that happen in your marriage? Do you share them with your spouse and get clarification with them? Do you let them see who you really are? Or do you keep them stuffed away (as Natalie wrote about in yesterday’s post)?

When feeling “unglued”, sometimes we will collect what is termed “Retaliation Rocks”. These are things we use as a weapon for future disagreements. For example: Your spouse doesn’t help with housework, but you don’t say anything to he/she about how this feels. You stuff the feelings away in a corner of your heart. Later on (sometimes years later), your spouse doesn’t initiate a date night and “A-HA!”… You just KNEW it! They don’t love you and don’t feel you are important (not true), so you explode on them, using one incident (or many) about just how “unimportant” you must really be to them! The problem with this is…. it’s not true! You never shared with them how you felt in the first place, but instead kept this information and all of these feelings from your spouse’s knowledge, only to bombard them with feelings later on in a deadly fashion.

Retaliation rocks are things that we keep tucked away and don’t let our spouse see about us and our feelings. These cause bitterness that we keep inside over time, where we might feel annoyed at our spouse and then later on we allow these small things to erupt each time we feel upset about something completely unrelated.

Don’t allow these rocks to sit on your soul. And don’t pull out these “rocks” in moments of retaliation towards your spouse. They will only feel confused and unsafe with you.

Do you collect “retaliation rocks”, only to use them as ammunition towards your spouse later on?

*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst

What Kind of Unglued Are You? The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers

nataliechandler — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 01:48:19 +0000

The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers

So what do you do when you have a friend who has said or did something that really hurt you? What about your spouse- do you share with them when they aren’t paying attention to you and your feelings are hurt by their actions? What if you have a parent who still criticizes you for every little detail of your life? Do you let them know it bothers you?

If you answered, “I don’t do anything or tell anyone when they hurt me or when I feel frustrated”, then you might be a stuffer.

A stuffer who builds barriers is just basically someone who does not share their feelings of hurt, anger, sadness, or frustration with the person they are in a relationship with. Additionally, they build walls up when they are around this person. Many times they don’t realize they are building the walls. But after awhile, a wall is there, the relationship has changed, or sometimes even disintegrated.

Sound familiar?

Stuffers usually not only struggle in their relationships because of the walls, but they often are angry and irritable, struggle with depression, and some people have health problems from holding so much in. Many issues can come from being a stuffer, not just walls.

If you realize you are a stuffer and see the walls you have built, it’s important to start speaking up to others. Let someone know if they have hurt you or if you feel angry. It doesn’t have to be confrontational. It can be a simple conversation like “The other day I felt hurt when you said my idea was ridiculous”. Simple. Many times this may start a conversation that can lead to greater intimacy. And isn’t that what we desire in our relationships?

Tomorrow Joleen will help us identify another way of stuffing. Don’t miss out! Thank you for reading and we hope you have a great week!

*Source: Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst Of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst

Written by Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville