Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
I love everything about Christmas- the meaning, the giving, the lights and trees. Most people seem “different” this one time of year. But for me, my fondest memory among many is when I was probably 4 or 5 years old. I shared a bedroom with my older sister Stephanie, then probably 7 or 8. One of our friends had told us that he actually SAW Santa last year in the sky! (We later found out he was a pathological liar- literally!) So my sister and I decided we were going to wait up all night and see him ourselves. I remember listening to my little AM radio (Oh I am aging myself!!) and hearing “Grandma got ran over by a reindeer” for the first time! We couldn’t believe someone would write such a song! Then we saw some twinkling red lights in the sky!! Was it him??? It stayed at a distance and moved past us in the sky. We were sad- it was just an airplane! We stayed up as late as our little bodies would allow us. We never saw him…. But we had fun waiting up! And in the morning a pink big wheel with flowers on it was waiting for me!
I hope you remember and create many Christmas memories this year. Have a wonderful Christmas and our best to your New Year!!
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
Posted in Christmas, Lighten up | No Comments »
Christmas-time always brings up pleasant (and sometimes not-so-pleasant!) memories of growing up and celebrating the Holidays with my family. One of my favorite memories from growing up is from when I was about 7. My Grandfather on my mom’s side of the family (“Grampie”), used to dress up like Santa Clause. Every Christmas, Grampie would leave (little did we know… he was leaving to go change into his Santa costume because HE was Santa!), and not too long after he was gone, we would hear sleigh bells (little did we know… it was GRAMMIE who was ringing them outside of the back door!), and Santa would arrive. That year, Grampie had a play microphone in his bag of toys for both my sister and I. I remember later that evening, dancing around the living room with my sister and my Dad, singing at the top of our lungs to the radio (actually, I think it was probably a record… ha ha) and our new microphone, passing the microphone back and forth as we acted like “stars” on stage (with my Mom laughing with us in joy). This memory is so fond to me because it is a memory of being completely carefree as a child, feeling the full presence of quality time with my Dad, sister and family. Christmas was his all time favorite holiday, and he was all to happy to share his inner child through play with my sister and I. My memory isn’t of a gift or expensive present I received, but a memory of quality time when I felt the full presence of my family, as they helped instill in both my sister and I the true meaning of Christmas… spending time with family in celebration. May your Christmas with your family and friends truly be a blessed one, full of love and good memories!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Christmas, Family Issues, Imagine Hope Counseling Group | No Comments »
When we decided to do this blog, the first memory that came to mind was when my brother and I got our 10-speed bicycles from Santa. I was 10 years old, and he was 8 years old (I have another brother, but that was still a few years down the road…).
It was tradition for us leave Christmas cookies/Eggnog for Santa and carrots for the reindeer in the kitchen, and Santa would in turn leave our presents unwrapped in our living room in front of the TV. We had a good system going! But not this year….
When my brother and I came down the stairs with excitement to turn into the living room to see what wonderful presents Santa had left, we saw NOTHING. Nada, zip, zilch. We were stunned. Actually, I was deflated. My dad, who always called Santa, “That Old Bird”, just played it up talking about how “That Old Bird must have lost his mind for good this time & forgotten what he was doing last night.”
I’m not sure if my brother had already moved past the fact that Santa left nothing, or if he was just ready to tear into the wrapped presents, but I couldn’t press forward. I just knew there was no way Santa FORGOT about me. So, off to the kitchen I went to see if he took MY cookies that I left him, while leaving me with nothing.
And there they were! Two red 10-speed bicycles parked in the kitchen. I started screaming and jumping up and down. “They’re in here! They’re in here!” And, it was an unusually warm Christmas that year too, so we got to ride our bicycles that day. I’ll never forget the Christmas that Santa changed the rules on us. Merry Christmas to all the Santa’s and Elf’s out there, from my family to yours!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: childhood, memories
Posted in Christmas, Family Issues | No Comments »
Christmas can be a wonderful time for families to create new memories and uphold past traditions. This can create warmth and nostalgia as people look back with fondness. This week at Imagine Hope we are sharing some our Christmas memories. As you read our memories, we hope you will revisit some of your own and feel a positive connection to your past.
As I was thinking about my favorite Christmas memory, I had trouble narrowing it down to one. Christmas has been a magical experience for me throughout life. Growing up my mom and I loved decorating for Christmas. It was “our thing”. The day after Thanksgiving we would wake up early and get started. We put up 13 lit Christmas trees inside our house ranging in size from 2 feet to 10 feet. (Yes it was excessive- I know!) Each tree had a different theme. It was time consuming and took us the whole day, but we were very organized and worked well as a team. As we listened to our favorite Christmas CD’s, we carefully hung ornaments that told a story from the past. As we finished our decorating, we ordered carryout from Olive Garden and sat down to eat and relax while watching the classic Bing Crosby movie “White Christmas”- it is still one of my favorites to this day. Even now as an adult I enjoy the process of decorating and sharing the experience with my children. (In case anyone is wondering- I only have one tree!) I smile and feel internal joy every time I see Christmas decorations and twinkling lights. I get lost in the magical fairytale it creates. Regardless of the turmoil I was facing as a child, there was always peace in sitting and looking at one of our many Christmas trees. Wishing you all a happy and safe holiday!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: childhood, decorating, memories
Posted in Christmas, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Teri, Tammy and Natalie have shared some really helpful tips so far in ways to decrease Holiday stress, which helps each of us to enjoy the Holiday season better. Today I’m going to go over ways we can continue the tradition of giving during the holiday season without stressing ourselves and our bank accounts.
Tip number 4 is to watch your spending. Many times, we will spend excessive amounts of money we don’t have (or can’t afford) in order to please others. People pleasing through excessive spending not only is unnecessary, it can cause you so much more distress on down the road (e.g., conflict with your spouse and added stress when credit card bill come due, if people don’t have the gratitude you hoped and your hidden expectations set you up for disappointment, etc.). Along with spending excessive money during the Holidays, we also see many individuals who set themselves up for stress and disappointment when their expectations of presenting themselves as the “perfect family” arise. Don’t feel the need to have the perfect family portrait and Christmas Card, the perfect Holiday party with friends and family, or the perfect gifts. Remember that the Holidays are a time of shared memories with family and friends, and giving can mean giving of your time and self, not necessarily expensive gifts and lavish parties. Give hand-made gifts that also give a little part of yourself and your family to those you love (cookies or treats you make with your kids, a hand made ornament from your family). Offer an act of service to someone as a gift later on in the season (5 separate times you mow their yard in the spring and summer, re-potting a neighbors houseplants or helping them in their garden the following season). There are many ways to be creative with gifts that aren’t expensive, but give the gift of self, and continue to give throughout the year. Above all else, remember the true meaning of Christmas this Holiday season. Wishing you and your family stress-free and Happy Holidays from Imagine Hope Counseling Group!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Codependency, Family Issues, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Relationships, stress | No Comments »
Teri and Tamara have done such a great job sharing ways to decrease holiday stress pertaining to families. I want to share with you some tips to help you keep boundaries with yourself and everyone concerning your time. It is so easy to get caught up in everything, want to do every activity, and go to every event. It is also difficult to say no during this time. But it is important not to crowd your schedule so much that you don’t enjoy the peace the season brings. Here are a few tips:
1. Don’t give out of guilt or obligation. It is the season for giving, however, if you are giving and giving and feeling resentful each time, you may be over-giving. It is important to pick what is most important to you and what you feel passionate about and give passionately to those causes. Don’t get caught in the codependent trap of feeling like you are obligated to give to everything and everybody. That is not truly giving from the heart. That is guilt induced giving.
2. It is ok to say “No”.
- Just because you have done something every year does not mean you have to do it this year if it will cause you more stress than it’s worth. It’s easy to get into traditions and do them just because you feel obligated. Traditions are wonderful but should be something that adds to the season, not distracts and stresses you out.
- Just because someone asks you to do something does not mean you should feel obligated to do it. It is great to help out, no doubt that is important, but if you find yourself overly committed and not enjoying the season, than it may be time to say no!
3. Delegate! Many who struggle with codependency feel we have to do it all. It is ok to ask others for help and to delegate tasks to other family members and friends. Have someone else help with Christmas dinner this year if you are feeling overwhelmed. Or ask someone else to host this year. It is not a sign of weakness to delegate. You will enjoy the peaceful season more if you do.
4. Don’t be a perfectionist. Those that stress out over having the perfect tree or the perfect decorations or even the picture perfect get-together will struggle finding peace in the season. Remember to set realistic expectations for you and your family. Some of the biggest imperfect moments might be laughed at later years down the road and seen as “perfect moments”. Don’t take it all too seriously.
I hope you are able to enjoy the season and truly reflect the true meaning this year. Tomorrow Joleen will share some financial tips for you for the holidays. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
Tags: holidays
Posted in Anxiety, Codependency, communication, Family Issues, Relationships, stress | No Comments »
Celebrating the Holidays means parties, food, fun and families. Some family members we love to see, and others we don’t. Maybe we see these family members alot, or maybe they live in a different state (or even country) & this is the only time of year when you see each other. Whatever the case may be, we’re not all fortunate enough to get along with our family members.
Don’t use the Holidays as a time to fix family problems.
It may seem like the best time since everyone will be together to talk about the “incident” that happenned last month with your mom, or a wonderful opportunity to do the intervention on your brother, but save it for a different day and time. Although it may be the only time you get face to face with a certain family member who has hurt you, the holidays are times set aside for togetherness and celebrating, not airing dirty laundry.
This doesn’t mean you sweep the issue under the rug. It means you set it on a shelf for the day, and choose to enjoy the significance of the holiday. When you think about it, holidays were designed as relationship builders…a time to take off work and spend it with others, creating more closer intimate relationships with those people.
If an issue is so severe that it need to be discussed immediately, then do so before the holiday comes. If the issue can wait, then do so after the day, and plan to meet in person if possible or talk over the phone.
Keep reading throughout the week as Natalie and Joleen give more tips on how to decrease holiday stress!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm, MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Clients tell me all the time, “I hate the holidays”. There are many stressors as people are attending family gatherings and trying to meet everyone’s expectations for the season. This week Imagine Hope wants to help you stay focused on making this holiday season less stressful.
Keep your emotional boundaries firm
Being with family can often trigger old wounds, cause you to fall back into past roles from growing up, and end up with hurt feelings or fights. Because of this it is key one to set emotional boundaries. This is when you protect yourself emotionally from a person who isn’t safe for you. This could be someone who is overly critical and judgmental, creates emotional tension, or someone who triggers emotional pain or stress.
When setting emotional boundaries, you are surrounding yourself with an invisible shield of protection from the unsafe person. This includes lowering your expectations. You should expect them to be how they have “always been” and do what they have “always done”. If you expect it, it won’t hurt as bad. You have predicted the pain- so it has less of an impact. Lowering your expectations for the unsafe person to be somehow different this time will also help your shield to be stronger. This is a process of grieving that relationships may never be what you want them to. If you set your hopes too high that they won’t do what they always have done, then you are sure to be disappointed. It is common to say to yourself “Of course they did ____. That is what they do” when you have good emotional boundaries.
Stay tuned this week as we cover more ways to decrease stress, including financial tips, ways to not take on too much, and how to beat the need to have everything be perfect! Enjoy- and Happy Holidays!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: boundaries, holidays, stress
Posted in Anxiety, Codependency, Family Issues, Relationships | No Comments »
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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