Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
How many (emotionally) unsafe people have you recognized so far? Here a few more characteristics:
17. Unsafe people confront not to forgive, but to condemn and punish. (For more information on forgiveness with unsafe people, see Natalie’s blog at www.imaginehopecounseling.com/nkcblog).
18. Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals (e.g., “I feel like a kid around them”, “I feel like I have to be their parent”).
19. Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of being consistent. (Time is the best judge of character!).
20. Unsafe people are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
21. Unsafe people gossip instead of keeping secrets.
Emotionally unsafe people can make life difficult and create a lot of anxiety and uncertainty if you don’t recognize what the characteristics are. Hopefully, this has helped you identify some of the unsafe people in your life… and possibly in yourself.
For more information on being in an emotionally unsafe environment, check out the blog at www.imaginehopecounseling.com/jwblog.
* Source: Unsafe People, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Anxiety, boundaries, communication, counterdependency, Family Issues, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, marriage counseling, Relationships, Therapy | No Comments »
Thank you Teri and Tamara for giving us descriptions of people who are unsafe. I again want to repeat what Tamara said- this is emotionally unsafe, not physically unsafe people. Here are more ways to identify them:
11. Unsafe people stay stagnate instead of growing
12. They avoid closeness instead of connecting with others
13. They are only concerned with “I” instead of “we”
14. Unsafe people are not empathetic
15. They resist freedom and independence for others instead of encouraging it
16. They flatter people instead of confronting or sharing their true feelings
Are you identifying anyone in your life? Do you see any of these characteristics in yourself?
*Source Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
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Please remember that safety does not always refer to physical safety. What we’re talking about this week is emotional safety. You may feel physically safe with someone, but are they overall a safe person? Let’s keep evaluating. Unsafe people:
6. Avoid working on problems instead of dealing with them
7. Demand trust instead of earning it
8. Believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults
9. Blame others instead of taking responsibility
10. Lie instead of telling the truth
*Source Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: emotional safety, unsafe people
Posted in boundaries, Relationships | No Comments »
Last week our focus was on unhealthy boundaries which is a sign that this person may not be an emotionally safe person. Joleen’s book recommendation on Friday was “Safe People” by Cloud and Townsend. This week Imagine Hope is using information from this book to help you recognize when a person isn’t “safe”. If you find yourself around an unsafe person, it is important for you to evaluate the risk of continuing a relationship with this person. Unsafe people can be destructive and it may be necessary for you to distance yourself out of protection.
Unsafe People:
1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weakness
2. Are religious instead of spiritual (not that religion is “unsafe” but that sometimes for people the religion is so much of the focus that spirituality is missing)
3. Are defensive instead of open to feedback
4. Are self-righteous instead of humble
5. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
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By now, you might have already recognized some ways that you or the people in your life have unhealthy boundaries. Here are a few more to wrap things up:
- Believing others can anticipate your needs
- Expecting other to fill your needs automatically (without having to directly ask)
- Falling apart so someone will take care of you
- Self abuse (e.g., cutting self, burning self, addictions)
- Sexual and physical abuse (and emotional abuse)
- Food abuse
If you recognize any of these signs of unhealthy boundaries in yourself or others, then it is important to work on becoming healthier, in order to be a “safe person”. The book recommendation for today is just that! “Safe People” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Stay tuned for next weeks blog where we will talk more about safe people…
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in boundaries, Codependency, counterdependency, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, marriage counseling, Relationships | No Comments »
Teri and Tamara have given us many signs of unhealthy boundaries in ourselves and in our relationships. Are you identifying with any of them in your life? Here are a few more:
- Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting
- Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving (people pleasing)
- Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
- Letting others direct your life
- Letting others describe your reality
- Letting others define you
I have not personally completed this book but it was a recommendation from a client who felt it was helpful: Boundary Power: How I treat you, How I let you treat me, How I treat myself (Workbook), by Mike O’Neil and Charles Newbold. Joleen will finish up tomorrow with more signs and a recommendation. Thanks for reading.
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
Posted in boundaries, Codependency, counterdependency, Relationships | No Comments »
As Teri mentioned yesterday, it’s good to know the signs of unhealthy boundaries to know if you are ever crossing the line, or if someone else ever crosses the line. Do you see the following in yourself or another?
- Being sexual because your partner wants to be, not because you want to be
- Going against personal values or rights to please another person
- Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
- Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
- Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex, etc… that you do not want
- Touching a person without asking
The book recommendation for today is Boundaries in Dating, by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. Thanks for reading and please check back in as we have 2 more blogs that cover unhealthy boundaries, and 2 more book recommendations!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: boundary violations, sexual boundaries
Posted in boundaries, Codependency, Relationships | No Comments »
Boundaries are key to healthy relationships, yet it can be confusing to always know when you cross the line. This week we are giving you examples of unhealthy boundaries so you can know areas to evaluate if you have trouble with boundaries or if you know someone who does. We will also offer a good book resource on boundaries each day! Remember that boundaries require consistency and follow through to be taken seriously.
Someone has unhealthy boundaries when they:
* are always “telling all”
* start talking on an intimate and vulnerable level on the first meeting
* fall in love with a new acquaintence
* become pre-occupied and overwhelmed by a person
* act on first sexual impulse
* fall in love with anyone who reaches out
The book recommendation for today is “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It’s a great one! Stay tuned this week for more!
Posted in boundaries, Codependency, communication, Relationships | No Comments »
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Imagine Hope BlogosphereBlogs by Imagine Hope Counselors
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Natalie Chandler's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Joleen Watson's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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Tamara Wilhelm's Blog
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Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
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