Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
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This week, Imagine Hope has covered some common areas of addiction: Sex addiction, TV and internet addiction, and Relationship addiction. In the final part of this series, we will cover a very prevalent addiction: Drug and alcohol. So, what exactly is the line between being a “social” user, and a problem drinker? The bottom line is how alcohol and drugs effect you and the ones you love. If your drinking is causing you problems in your life, then you have a drinking problem. The same goes for drug use. Is your spouse or significant other complaining about how much you drink? Is your family concerned about the extent of your prescription drug (or other drug) use? Does alcohol or drugs cause you to become a “different person” emotionally (e.g., completely “checked out” emotionally, raging and angry when high or intoxicated, reckless and careless, etc.)? Do you use drugs that are illegal and put yourself and your loved ones at risk for having an illegal substance? Do you and your spouse/significant other have repeated fights about the same thing (your drug use or your drinking)? If you answered yes to any of these, don’t wait for the addiction to grow and present even more problems– seek help today, before you lose the things that need to be more important to you than the drugs or alcohol! Here are some additional common signs of drug or alcohol abuse and/or addiction:
- You need to drink or use drugs in order to “relax” or feel better
- You can’t stick to having “just one” drink, but need to have more and more– to get drunk, in order to have “fun”
- You regularly drink more than you intended to
- You make promises to the people around you (who are hurt by your alcohol/drug use) to quit drinking/using drugs, but can’t follow through with quitting.
- You blame your drinking or drug related problems on others
- You downplay the negative consequences of your use
- You black out or forget what you did while drinking or using drugs
- You have emotional outbursts while using drugs or drinking alcohol that you wouldn’t normally have while sober
- You lie to others about your drug use or alcohol consumption
- You hide your alcohol or drug use from others, keeping it a secret
- You feel guilty or ashamed about your use (or after using when you see the impact it has on others)
- You use alcohol or drugs in situations that are dangerous (for example, operating a vehicle while drunk, mixing alcohol and prescriptions)
- You neglect your responsibilities at work, home, school, or in your relationships
- You continue to drink or use drugs, even though it is causing problems in your relationships with your significant other, friends, or family– or legal problems and/or problems with your work
- You have given up other activities because of your use
- You want to quit drinking because of the problems it is causing, but you feel like you can’t stop because of the cravings
- You are going through tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
- Drinking or drug use is the center and focus of your social life
Denial about alcohol or drug problems is the biggest obstacle for someone getting help. Many times, denial can cause a person to try and rationalize away the problem, enabling them to continue using the alcohol or substance. After all, if the true impact of the alcohol or drug use is seen and acknowledged, it makes it harder to stay in the addiction. Many people who struggle with addictions need an excuse to continue drinking or using drugs, keeping them from looking honestly about their self-destructive behavior and how it hurts the people in their lives. When confronted with their behavior, they may lie, become defensive, or blame the problems on something (or someone) else.
Because alcohol is such a common part of our social activities, it can be difficult sometimes to determine whether your use has crossed the line from social use to a problem. The same holds true with many drugs, such as prescription medications and over the counter medicines. With drug use, however, if you find you are initially using medications or drugs to treat physical symptoms, but are currently using them for other reasons, it’s time to look at the truth of your use (even if you are “only taking them as prescribed”). Again, a good rule of thumb: If your family, friends, or loved ones find your use causing problems, it’s a problem.
There is SO much information on the area of alcohol and drug addiction, but this blog is a start and can get you headed in the right direction. For more information, or if you believe you (or a loved one) might have a problem with alcohol or drugs, contact a professional counselor today!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
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As we continue to discuss Addictions this week, it is important to identify Relationship Addictions. We see this a lot at Imagine Hope. Again, it is one of the Addictions that is hard to recognize if you don’t understand what it is. It is “acceptable”. You’ve heard people say, and there was even a song written about it, “They are just addicted to love”. This can actually happen. Relationship Addiction is when someone feels incomplete when they are alone and not in a relationship. They feel they need a relationship to make them a whole person. Because of this, they often find themselves in unsatisfying relationships and will stay in them until they find another person. Here are some common characteristics and behaviors found in a Relationship Addict:
1. When they are in a bad relationship, it is difficult for them to see that is is unhealthy. They make excuses and live in a lot of denial because they are afraid of leaving and being alone. They often break up and then get back together, usually several times with one person. They will continue this cycle usually until they have someone “on deck”.
2. Relationship Addicts won’t leave a relationship until they have someone else in the works (as I said above, on deck). This person gives them the security they need to leave the relationship, knowing they won’t be alone.
3. They feel any relationship is better than none at all, even unhealthy ones.
4. Their relationships are usually unbalanced: 90/10% Giving vs. Taking. They continue giving so the person won’t leave. They worry about pleasing that person so they won’t leave.
5. They believe they can change each partner into who they want them to be and strive to do so.
6. Relationship Addicts are strongly drawn to others and feel a deep connection right away to many people.
7. Some of them are very independent with their work or other parts of their personal life. However, when it comes to a romantic relationship, they can’t be alone.
8. They will often drop all their friends to focus all their time on their romantic relationships.
Do you recognize any of these? We hear so often, “I don’t have to have someone in my life- I just don’t like being alone!” Yes, all of us have a need for relationships in our lives, we are wired that way. However, when we feel we are incomplete when we don’t have someone and we stay in unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone, we are acting addictive.
To even further show how this can be an addiction, the withdrawl symptoms of someone who is a Relationship Addict and is trying to stop the cycle are very similar to someone who is quitting drugs or alcohol: Depression, loss of appetite, poor concentration, withdraw, lack of energy, difficulty sleeping, preoccupation with relationships.
There are options to get help: Counseling, CODA (Co-dependents Anonymous), working a 12-step program. Relationship Addictions can be difficult to treat without support. The challenge is helping the addict see that they need to not be in relationship for awhile to learn about recovery. Because it is not a “drug”, many clients feel they can stay in relationships and recover. It is the same as drinking while you’re trying to quit drinking- it doesn’t work.
Imagine Hope’s therapists are trained to work with Relationship Addiction. Additionally, you may find www.lifelinecounseling.com helpful. Thank you for reading!
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
Posted in addictions, Codependency, Relationship Addiction, Relationships | No Comments »
You might be thinking, “how can a person be addicted to the tv?” Have you ever watched tv longer than you intended, or feel mesmerized or “spaced out” as you’re sitting in front of the tv? Watching tv can be calming and a nice way to relax. However, when it crosses the line into interfering with what we want to accomplish, or when we’re sitting & feeling as though our energy is being zapped right out of us, then there might be a problem.
In our office, one thing that couples are able to identify that is getting in the way of them connecting on a daily basis is the television. It’s not something that promotes conversation (sometimes it can, but mostly not) or connection. If you’ve found a good balance, then great! But, if you find that you need to get up and do something else but you can’t seem to get up, then you might need to do an inventory on why you’re watching so much, and if that tv time is filling some sort of void.
Internet Addiction
In our fast-paced, I-want-it-now society, the Internet is full of immediate feeds of up-to-date news, entertainment, sports & you name it. With smart-phones & free wi-fi at so many locations, the Internet is literally at our fingertips. The world is becoming more ”web connected”, however we are becoming less and less personal with each other. Do you feel closer to your online friends than your real ones? Can you tell the difference?
A person who is “addicted” to the computer is likely to have several of the experiences and feelings on the list below. How many of them describe you?
- You have mixed feelings of well-being and guilt while at the computer.
- You make unsuccessful efforts to quit or limit your computer use.
- You lose track of time while on the computer.
- You neglect friends, family and/or responsibilities in order to be online.
- You find yourself lying to your boss and family about the amount of time spent on the computer and what you do while on it.
- You feel anxious, depressed, or irritable when your computer time is shortened or interrupted.
- You use the computer repeatedly as an outlet when sad, upset, or for sexual gratification.
- You develop problems in school or on the job as a result of the time spent and the type of activities accessed on the computer.
- When you are not on the computer, you think about it frequently and anticipate when you will use it again.
Source: The University of Texas at Dallas
Although there is not a checklist for the television, most of the ones above can be used for the television as well. The main message is this: Are you losing yourself and/or time in something, and deep down want it to stop but you don’t know how? If you’ve answered yes, please reach out and get help. That is the first step.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: computer addiction, internet addiction, television addiction, tv addiction
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Sex addiction became a popular topic in the media as stories of Tiger Woods’ situation continue to break. But many don’t really understand what makes something a sex addiction. Dr. Patrick Carnes defines sex addiction as “any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment.” Behaviors can include “compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molesting, incest, rape and violence.” When you look at the spectrum of these behaviors it is easy for many to say “I’m not a sex addict. I’ve never physically hurt anyone. I only look at porn.” However, if the addict engages in sexual activities in a secretive, compulsive way, then “just looking at porn” could fall into a sex addiction category. Sex addiction is a serious issue and can cause you to loose people and things you hold dear. Remember that sex addiction usually starts smaller and grows into a bigger issue. If you find yourself rationalizing behaviors that might seem like a “borderline” sex addiction, it’s a good idea to get help now before it grows into something else.
The following are questions from Sex Addicts Anonymous’ website to help people identify if they are a sex addict. If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, Imagine Hope can help you look at what steps you need to take to be free from this addiction.
- Do you keep secrets about your sexual behavior or romantic fantasies from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
- Have your desires driven you to have sex in places or with people you would not normally choose?
- Do you need greater variety, increased frequency, or more extreme sexual activities to achieve the same level of excitement or relief?
- Does your use of pornography occupy large amounts of time and/or jeopardize your significant relationships or employment?
- Do your relationships become distorted with sexual preoccupation? Does each new relationship have the same destructive pattern which prompted you to leave the last one?
- Do you frequently want to get away from a partner after having sex? Do you feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
- Have your sexual practices caused you legal problems? Could your sexual practices cause you legal problems?
- Does your pursuit of sex or sexual fantasy conflict with your moral standards or interfere with your personal spiritual journey?
- Do your sexual activities involve coercion, violence, or the threat of disease?
- Has your sexual behavior or pursuit of sexual relationships ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?
- Does your preoccupation with sexual fantasies cause problems in any area of your life – even when you do not act out your fantasies?
- Do you compulsively avoid sexual activity due to fear of sex or intimacy? Does your sexual avoidance consume you mentally?
If you answered yes to any of these, it’s time to get help. You deserve a healthy sex life free from the grips of addiction!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Sex addiction
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So far, you have read about what makes up an addiction and some relevant addictive behaviors. Today we will discuss another common addiction that is a prevalent one in many relationships: Spending or shopping addiction.
What are some signs that your spending is more than just leisurely shopping (whether in stores, online, at garage sales, flea markets, auctions, television, etc.)?
- Excessive shopping has caused financial difficulties for you, such as: High credit card debt because of buying things you can’t afford, inability to pay bills because you spend money on things that aren’t necessities, etc. Also, you may find yourself making more and more use of credit (opening new credit cards because old credit cards are over their limit or increasing credit limits in order to spend more).
- You find yourself spending more time/money on shopping than you originally intend to at a given time. Sometimes people with spending or shopping addictions comment on how they get “lost” in shopping– feeling a compulsion to continue or feeling like they are in a “trance” or a “zone”. Spending a great amount of time online at places such as eBay, Craigslist, uBid, Amazon, and online stores, to where it interferes with time spent with family and friends.
- You often go on buying or spending binges with impulsive purchases (again, whether it’s in a store, buying online, garage sales or from television), not thinking about the financial consequences or the amount of money you are spending.
- You hide your purchases from family or friends, minimize or lie about the cost of the items, or hide the bills from purchases from your significant other.
- You often feel compelled to buy something, even if you don’t want it, don’t need it, or can’t afford it. Also, spending money on things you don’t need, but feeling unable to “pass it up” because it’s “such a good deal” or on sale.
- Someone in your life has confronted you about your spending and you deny the severity of it because you are embarrassed, even though you have a history of not following a budget.
- You notice (or others notice) that you are using shopping or spending when you are emotionally upset about something. For example, going shopping or getting online and buying things when you feel lonely, sad, or stressed.
- You are buying things that you don’t have room for in your house, or things that have no use or purpose in your life– OR you have been confronted by friends and family about all of the “stuff” you are accumulating. Many times, compulsive shoppers and spenders will “justify” or “rationalize” purchases.
- Excessive spending or buying has caused problems with your bank or legally (bad checks, over the limit on courtesy cash or overdraft limits, judgements for unpaid debt, bankruptcy).
- Excessive spending or buying has caused problems with your job. For example, shopping online or getting on eBay while at work, where it interferes with your job performance.
- You feel anxious, guilty or ashamed after buying something.
- You avoid answering the phone or opening your mail because you don’t want to face the consequences of your spending (creditors or collections).
- Spending money or shopping is a “reward” for “good behavior”.
- You forget about purchases you have made.
- You find it difficult (if not overwhelmingly impossible) to “browse” without spending.
There are many more signs of spending/shopping addiction, but this is a good place to start! Do you recognize any of these signs in yourself or someone close to you? Counseling is a great way to identify the why of your spending habits, and to gain insight into the emotions you might be trying to avoid through your spending. Counseling not only helps you address the addictive behavior, but can also help you in rebuilding and repairing your relationships that have been damaged due to addictive behavior.
Be sure and join us next week, as we continue to discuss more of the most common addictions that we see in our office. Thank you for reading!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: compulsive spending, shopping addiction, spending addiction
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This week we are focusing on addictions. If you have not read the previous blogs, it is important to do so as Teri has actually defined an addiction. Tamara also made an excellent point in saying with addictions, it is not always the “how much” someone is doing something but they “why”. That is so true. I am going to talk to you about work addiction.
This is another addiction that is difficult because you can’t just cut work out, you have to learn to do it appropriately. Work addiction usually starts out innocently, like most addictions, where someone just has a lot of drive and wants to succeed. They start working hard at a young age and develop patterns of working a lot, striving to be perfect, looking for approval from others, and being rewarded for their behaviors. Many people may look at this and think, “What is wrong with that? Shouldn’t we all do that in our jobs?” We definitely all need to strive to do as well as we can at our job but when it starts taking over our lives and becomes our primary focus, that is when it becomes a problem. Here are some common characteristics of a workaholic:
1. Works long hours, not because it is what is required but because they are driven to perfection and praise from others
2. Their relationships are affected by their work ( spouse is hurt that they don’t get enough time, kids not getting quality time, not taking time for yourself to relax)
3. Nothing is ever good enough- a promotion isn’t good enough, you want to keep moving higher
4. Constantly checking emails, making phone calls etc compulsively- can’t let go of work
5. Lies about working or hides they have been working, usually because their partner has asked them to take a break to be with them or their kids
6. They get an adrenaline rush from meeting a deadline or moving from one crisis t to the next.
7. They take on tasks they could delegate because “no one else can do it right”.
It has been really difficult for our clients to identify workaholism more recently with the poor economy. Many bosses ARE expecting way too much from their employees and the worker is having to do it to keep their job. We are not talking about this at all. We are talking about someone who uses work to numb and avoid pain in their life and whose life is out of balance because of their CHOICE to work so much. Their relationships are suffering, kids are suffering, and their health both physical and mental are suffering because their lives are out of balance. Many people think this isn’t a “real” addiction but it is. We have seen families torn apart and people literally drive themselves into the grave due to workaholism.
Tomorrow Joleen will be talking about Spending Addictions. Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend!
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.
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When some people think of gambling addiction, they have a picture in mind of someone who takes their paycheck and blows it on scratch offs or at the casino. Someone who is in jeopardy of being evicted from their home, can barely buy groceries, and has collection agencies calling. Although this is a picture of a gambling addict, there are other forms as well.
Picture the person who holds a steady job, has money in savings, bills up to date, and visits the casino 2-3 times a year. Maybe they play a friendly poker game monthly and bet on their fantasy football league when September rolls around. Is this person a gambling addict? Well, maybe, maybe not. Here’s the tricky thing with addictions. Sometimes it depends more on why a person uses, than it does on how much. Don’t get me wrong, how much does matter. But the why matters too.
For this person described above, the “how much” isn’t alot here (people go to Starbucks more often!). However, let’s say the times this person decided to head off to the casino was right after an argument with their spouse. They needed some “cool down” time, & couldn’t take it in their house any longer. So they called up some friends and off gambling they went. Instead of problem solving or facing marital issues, they avoided and “numbed their pain” by gambling. This is how the “why” becomes important.
Let’s also not ignore other signs of gambling problems. Some of these are:
- Needing to gamble with increasing amounts of money or larger bets than before in order to get the same feeling of excitement
- Trying to stop gambling, but when you do you feel restless or irritable
- Writing a bad check, or taking something that did not belong to you from family members or someone else in order to pay for your gambling
- Lying to family members/friends or others about how much money you have lost
- Losing money one day and returning the next in order to “get even”
There are many other signs of gambling addiction, these are just a few. If you think you have a problem, feel free to visit Gambler’s Anonymous’ website for more educational information. You can take a brief 20 question quiz on their website to assess if you should seek further professional help or attend a 12-step meeting in your area. Their website is http://www.gamblersanonymous.org
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counselingat Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: addictions, Gambling, Gambling Addiction
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Addictions are a common issue we deal with here at Imagine Hope. We see everything ranging from alcohol, drugs, and sex, to work, facebook, and food. Society is getting deeper looks into addictions as well, through T.V. shows like “Hoarders” and “Intervention” becoming more popular. So what makes something an addiction? One definition states that an addiction is something which has a negative impact on your social functioning, relationship functioning, and/or career functioning as a result of your abuse of a substance or an activity. An addiction can be anything that a person invests their time, energy, and emotion into with the purpose of escaping pain and discomfort, coping in a dysfunctional way, and/ or to avoid feelings. Addictions come in many forms. Almost anything can become an addiction- even religion! Because this is such a significant issue, Imagine Hope will be dedicating 2 weeks of blog topics to addictions we commonly see in our practices. Stay tuned these next two weeks for information on addictions ranging from money, sex, drugs, tv, alcohol, and relationships!
Food Addiction
Food addiction is a common issue these days. It is one of the most “acceptable” addictions in our society. The hardest part is that we have to eat food to live. Unlike an alcohol or drug addiction, food is a necessity in life, so you can’t completely cut it out of your life. Therefore, the relapse rate is high. Here are a few characteristics that makes someone a food addict:
You notice you are eating when you aren’t hungry
You turn to food when you are experiencing strong emotions like sad, lonely, boredom, or even celebrating a happy thing. For example: “It’s been a bad day- let’s go get some ice cream” or “Let’s celebrate a good day and go out to eat”.
You hide evidence of what you have eaten, lie, or keep secrets about your food intake
You have “eater’s remorse” after eating
You find yourself planning or obsessing about what you are going to eat next
You are a “yo-yo” dieter and can never seem to really loose weight or keep it off
There are many other symptoms of food addiction, but if you find yourself relating to any of the above symptoms- you could have one. The key to recovery is working on the underlying psychological issues of the addiction. Figuring out reasons “why” you eat is vital. If those go untreated, you will keep the cycle going and food can control your life. When treating food addiction, I help people start a “new relationship” with food. Changing your relationship with it can have a huge impact on how you think about it. You should eat to live- not live to eat. Recovery from food addiction is a hard long road but as you start to love and value yourself and your body, it gets easier. Reach out for help for your food addiction today- it’s time to be free of the power food has over your life!
Stay tuned for more addiction info this week!
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: addiction definition, addictions, food addiction
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