Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
Many people are familiar with co-dependency issues, but do not always understand it’s counterpart: The counterdependent. This week we will help you see the many aspects of counterdependency and the impact is has on relationships.
The following is a story of a counterdependent person:
Sally has been married to Jim for 15 years. They have 2 elementary age boys, and live a fairly good life. Jim is a high-powered businessman in the nearby big city. He likes that many people know his name. Jim works 75+ hours a week and rarely takes time away from his computer and blackberry at home, and he often plays golf with his friends in his down time. Jim demands respect wherever he goes, including at home. His son’s are always begging for more time to play with him, but he often only connects with them through sports. However, the boys are often embarrassed by their dad’s behavior at their games when he yells at anyone who disagrees with him and often stomps off the field after getting kicked out by the referee.
Sally finds herself struggling to meet Jim’s expectations at home. He is a hard man to please. All she wants is to sit down and connect with him on a deeper emotional level, but that rarely happens. Even when they have special date nights it seems like he controls the conversation talking about all the great things he’s doing, or complaining about people who don’t see things his way. He always seems guarded, rarely apologizes for his sharp digs and criticism, and has trouble seeing things that he does as a problem in the relationship.
Do you know someone like Jim? Keep reading through the week to learn more!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in counterdependency, Counterdependency, Relationships | No Comments »
Coming from a very small, rural community and having a family with history of military service (my Dad was a Drill Instructor in the Army during the Vietnam War, and my Grandpa was in the Navy during WWII), I was taught from a fairly young age that Memorial Day was a day to honor those who died while in service to our country and allowed us the freedoms we are so blessed to have. When I was growing up, I remember our family had a tradition of taking flowers to the cemetery on Memorial Day for the graves of our deceased relatives. In particular, I remember my Grandma replacing the small American flags on the graves of each man in our family who had served our country in the military. This is something she still does to this day (at the age of 80), on both Memorial and Veteran’s Day.
While the time spent with family and friends a great way to kick off the summer months, Memorial Day has always been more to me than picnics and family get togethers. As I have gotten older, though, I grow even more grateful towards those who sacrificed their lives to serve our country and who have fought for the priviledges we have today as Americans. We are tremendously blessed as a result of your unwavering service! As you celebrate this Memorial Day, we encourage you to take a moment and think about and honor all of those who have gone before you while defending our country. To the family members of those who have lost a loved one while serving our country, our thoughts and prayers are with you, as you honor the sacrifice your loved one has made for the freedom of us all.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
This week we are celebrating Memorial Day. I have enjoyed reading Teri and Tamara’s entries about what it means to them.
I also enjoy a good cook-out with friends and/or family. However, I do try to do something over the weekend to remember what the day is about. In the past, my husband and I have tried to watch a movie (or series) to remind us of the sacrifices that have been made to have the freedom that we have. We have cried over the movies “Saving Private Ryan”, “Band of Brothers”, and “Pearl Harbor”.
On our honeymoon, we were fortunate to spend a day at Pearl Harbor. This is something that is difficult to describe if you haven’t been there. You can almost feel the spirit of the men whose bodies are forever entombed in the USS Arizona. You can still see oil coming up in the water- almost like tears floating to the surface. Then when you watch the movie about Pearl Harbor, you really get a feel that these were mostly just boys. Boys that by now would be enjoying their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But because of their sacrifice, they did not ever get to experience life as we have.
I want to personally thank all current veterans. What you do, what you sacrifice is incomprehensible to me. And for those who have lost their lives and to their families who have carried them only in their hearts, THANK YOU! We take for granted what you have scarified and we are forever grateful.
I wish you all a Happy Memorial Day. Take some time to slow down and spend some time with your loved ones. And if you know anyone who has served or is serving- give them a huge hug and a big thank you! God bless!
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: memorial day
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Memorial Day can be a great time for family and friends to get together and celebrate having a day off at the beginning of summer. But many use the day to memorialize lost loved ones, lost opportunities, and fallen soldiers. This week Imagine Hope is sharing our personal meanings behind this special day!
What Memorial Day means to Teri-
When I think of Memorial Day my first thought is friends and family. This day historically is a day that I celebrate great relationships in my life. I love having a backyard BBQ and relaxing with laughs and fun conversations. It’s a great time for me to catch up with those I’ve missed and to slow down and just “be” with them. So much of my life I am moving from one thing to the next and continually make promises that “We will get together soon- I promise.” The next thing I know months have gone by and the promise has been broken. Taking a break to nurture relationships gives Memorial Day special meaning and reminds me that if I don’t slow down in life and put the effort in with the ones I love, I will miss out on extremely special times.
I wish each of you a special and safe Memorial Day and hope you take advantage of the time to slow down and connect with those you love. You never know when you’ll get your next opportunity! Check in tomorrow to see what Memorial Day means to Tammy!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: memorial day
Posted in communication, Relationships | No Comments »
In our society, the term “self-esteem” is frequently used, but what exactly does it look like to have “high self-esteem” or “low self-esteem”? This week, Imagine Hope is discussing the characteristics of both high and low self-esteem. Yesterday, Natalie reviewed several different ways a person with low self-esteem might behave. Today we will continue wrap up with the rest of the characteristics of low self-esteem and provide some resources that might be of interest to you!
6. A person with low self-esteem may reject many of their own feelings and desires as unacceptable. Sometimes, a person with low self-esteem doesn’t feel worthy of these feelings and desires.
7. A person with low self-esteem doesn’t express their feelings or opinions for fear that other people will not like what they are saying. The result is that the other person has no idea what they want and this guarantees that the person with low self-esteem will not get what they need.
8. A person with low self-esteem is likely to be less popular than people with high self-esteem because of the gloomy outlook they project and their dependency on others. Others may feel burdened about having to build their egos.
Attitudes about oneself are not built into genes but are learned from a number of sources. People are taught to view themselves as possessing high or low self-esteem by their families, by teachers, churches and society. Anything learned can be unlearned. The hopeful message is that it is possible to increase self-esteem no matter what your age. It is never too late! People can always learn new things, feel better about themselves and change their lives. If you really want to work at raising your self-esteem, it can be done.
Want more information on self-esteem? Here are some good resources to check out:
Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning
The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn Schiraldi
Self Matters by Phil McGraw
The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford
Tags: books on self-esteem, low self esteem, Self Esteem
Posted in Codependency, self esteem | No Comments »
Hopefully you have been able to identify some qualities of high self-esteem that you see in yourself. Today and tomorrow we will be discussing characteristics of low self-esteem. If you identify any of the characteristics, don’t get down on yourself (thus, creating lower self-esteem), just know this is something about you that needs improvement. We all have areas to improve on.
What is a person with low self-esteem like?
1. They lack self-confidence, have a pessimistic outlook, are shy and don’t like themselves very much.
2. They are overly sensitive to criticism. When they are criticized or refused something, their feelings of worthlessness increase.
3. They depend on other people to tell them they are lovable, doing a good job, or are ok because they do not value themselves. They need others to validate them.
4. They have difficulty accepting compliments and usually make comments lie- “You can’t mean that, it was nothing, or you’re just saying that to make me feel good.” They are cleary their own worst enemy.
5. Their approach to life is passive. They expect others to give them what hey need to make their life happy- perhaps even to make their decisions for them. Because they feel inferior to others, they may settle for crumbs or take an indirect way to get what they want such as whining, complaining, apologizing, suffering in silence, or begging for recognition.
Do you recognize any of these characteristics? Tomorrow Joleen will share more as well as offering resources for help. As always, we thank you for reading and wish you a wonderful day!
*Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Posted in self esteem | No Comments »
We are influenced daily by friends, family, work associates, community, the media, etc… All of these outlets can affect our self-esteem if we try to be like these influences, rather than developing and enjoying our own specific talents and strengths.
What is a person with high self-esteem like?
4. They accept all of themselves – both the negatives and the positives. Let’s face it. We’re not perfect, and people with high self-esteem are able to acknowledge this. They realize they have negative attributes, and embrace those negatives, verses trying to hide them.
5. They see themselves as important, competent and capable of making their own decisions. Sure, they may ask for another’s opinion from time to time, but they don’t let other people make their minds up for them. They’re not dependent on other people’s opinions.
6. They ask for help when they want it. People with high self-esteem don’t see it as “failure” or “weakness” when they ask others for help.
7. They allow themselves to be in touch with their whole range of feelings – sadness, anger, joy, love, embarrassment, etc… They accept all of their feelings as a part of their self. By doing this, it is easier to love & care for themselves and express all of their emotions with others.
8. They do not torture themselves with personal flaws or imperfections, but build on their strength for growth. They don’t believe they are perfect, & accept their imperfections as part of being human, changing what they realistically can change.
9. They have the power and responsibility to design their own life to make it happier & more fulfilling & take an active approach toward life. They do not have a victim outlook, but instead take responsibility for what happens in their own life.
See yourself in any of these? Good! Please come back as Natalie & Joleen will go over the characteristics of low self-esteem later in the week & provide resources. Thanks!
Tags: Self Esteem
Posted in Healthy Living | No Comments »
Self- esteem is the way we see ourselves as good or bad when compared with others. When we compare ourselves to others, it can cause a lot of trouble with our self talk. It’s ok to admire others and use their accomplishments as motivation for goals for yourself, but it can be risky that it could end with you beating up on yourself with negative self-talk. Self-esteem can be influenced by everything around us. What others say about us and to us can make a big impact on what level our self-esteem reaches.
This week we will go over traits of people who have high and low self-esteem to help you see what these concepts mean and how they play out in your life.
What is a person with high self-esteem like?
1. They project poise, self-confidence and optimism which comes from feeling satisfied with themselves. They have learned the art of being their own best friend and biggest booster and do not depend on the praise and encouragement of others in order to like themselves.
2. People who have high self-esteem are doers. They are participators, activators, and facilitators.
3. They don’t feel worthless if someone says no to them or if they are handed a criticism. Instead they take a constructive problem-solving approach to criticism and analyze negative feedback they have received. This may provide useful clues to them about aspects of themselves they want to try to change.
Check back with us tomorrow as Tamara covers more traits of high self-esteem. Then the rest of the week we will be looking at traits of low self-esteem. Thanks for reading!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: High self-estem, Self Esteem
Posted in Codependency, depression, Individual Therapy, Therapy | No Comments »
|
|
Imagine Hope BlogosphereBlogs by Imagine Hope Counselors
|
Teri Claassen's Blog
View Teri's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
Natalie Chandler's Blog
View Natalie's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
Joleen Watson's Blog
View Joleen's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
Tamara Wilhelm's Blog
View Tamara's Blog
Grief Counseling, Codependency, Marriage/Couples Counseling, Individual Counseling, Sexual Addiction, Group Counseling.
|
|
