Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
“Lean on me! When you’re not strong, I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carry on”. You know the Bill Withers song… We do all need somebody to lean on! A basic human need is support. When we are children, we need support and encouragement to develop. As adults we need support to grow and flourish and live to our full potential.
Support
“You just call on me brother, when you need a hand. We all need somebody to lean on”. Support means that we have caregivers or friends who will not block our true self’s exploration and growth. Support includes actively providing others with what ever is possible is to see that the “real” self reaches its goals. Supporters provide the scaffolding so that someone’s “real self” can grow and explore in a safe way.
Loyalty and Trust
“Please swallow your pride if you have things you need to borrow. For no one can fill those of your needs that you wont let show”. To be supportive and to receive support, each person needs to feel loyalty and trust. To ask for help, we need to trust that others will be there for us and listen. When a friend or loved one betrays another person’s core beliefs, serious damage to the relationship can occur. Children will not seek support from adults they do not trust. Infants will eventually stop crying when they learn through experience that their cries go unanswered. Adults will stop providing support to friends and lovers that they cannot trust. A husband will stop reaching out to his wife when he is consistently dismissed. Trust and loyalty are essential for healthy support. It is only human nature to stop opening up emotionally when it is unsafe to do so.
Grief and Loss
“Sometimes in our lives we all have pain. We all have sorrow. But if we are wise we know that there’s always tomorrow”. With each and every loss, real or threatened, we need to grieve the loss. That means we have to work through the pain and suffering associated wit the loss. Grief takes time and is individual to each and every being. We have to work through all the pain and suffering that comes with grief and loss so we can grow. We need to seek support based on our own grief style and provide support in ways we are comfortable with. Grief is most effectively explored and accomplished with support. Supporters can provide opportunities to grieve, companionship through grief, and acceptance of the griever.
Check back in as Natalie and Joleen explore more basic human needs. As always, thanks for reading.
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: basic human needs, loyalty, trust
Posted in Emotional needs, Grief and Loss, Healthy Living, Relationships | No Comments »
Listening, Participating & Accepting
Everyone likes to know the person they’re speaking with has heard them, even if that person does not always agree or understand. This is true for every age group, young and old. Think back to being a teenager, or raising your teen. Ever remember saying (or hearing), “You never listen to me! You don’t get it?!”. Do you ever say this in your current adult relationships with people? What’s amazing is that knowing others listen to us, and accept us is one of our basic human needs.
Not only knowing others listen to us, but knowing another person accepts us is a human need as well. Others can demonstrate their acceptance by respecting, validating and being tolerant of our feelings. This allows us to grow, mature and see ourselves in a positive way. If I know my friend, parent or spouse respects my feelings, then I feel validated and more likely to share with them in the future.
Acceptance from others allows us to be the real “us” and makes us feel like we belong and that we’re also loved. Again, someone doesn’t have to agree, but allowing another to share and then agreeing to listen can do so much good.
Maybe you’re finding that some of your needs we’ve identified so far are not getting met. Don’t worry! We still have many more needs to share with you, and you may see that those are being met by loved ones in your life. Thank you for reading.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: basic human needs, human needs
Posted in Abandonment, boundaries, communication, Family Issues, Healthy Living, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »
All of us have basic needs that make us feel fulfilled in our lives. Some of these needs are critical to our survival as a child (such as safety and security), but also impact us later in life as adults, too. The bottom line is that everyone has needs, even if they have difficulty in letting other’s see their “neediness”. As therapists, we often see individuals and couples come to counseling when these needs aren’t being met, because it can cause confusion and chronic unhappiness without them. To reach our full potential as adults, we require most of these needs. So much that some of the worlds (and histories) greatest scientists, psychologists and behavioral experts and authors, such as Maslow, Miller, Weil, and Glasser, have dedicated much of their careers to researching this topic. This week, Imagine Hope therapist’s will be discussing some of the basic human needs.
Touching
We know that infants who are deprived of touch, fail to grow and thrive, even if they get proper food, nourishment and protection. The most powerful form of touch for an infant is skin-to-skin.
But what about the need for touch as an adult?
To feel connected and cared for, we need to be hugged and touched as adults, too! Some of the research suggests that we need from 4 to 12 hugs a day as part of our “health maintenance”.
We know that people who are compassionately touched often feel happier, more alert, more safe, more understood, and more communicative.
Many times in couple’s counseling sessions, we hear the words “but we don’t even touch anymore”. Some couples have become so distant that the basic touches, such as holding hands, hugging, or even a simple pat on the back or touch of the arm has been withheld or stopped. Appropriate touch is a powerful and tender way to easily (and simply) bring feelings of love into a relationship. Touch is a way to share or express feelings that may be more powerful than using words.
Knowing the importance of touch, it’s no wonder that couple’s lacking touch might also be struggling in their relationship, as well. How often do you touch?
Stay tuned this week, as we review some of the other basic human needs. Tomorrow, Tamara will talk about the basic human need for listening, participation and accepting. Thank you for joining us!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: basic needs, need for touch, touch, touch in relationships
Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, depression, Emotional needs, Healthy Living, Individual Therapy, Marriage, marriage counseling, Parenting, Relationships | No Comments »
Do you have a difficult person in your life? Perhaps it’s a boss, or a relative– or maybe a co-worker… or even a spouse! This week, Imagine Hope is discussing the different types of “difficult people” and some ways to cope more effectively with each type. Today we will cover the last type of difficult person: The Know-it-all!
The Know-it-all is a strongly opinionated, competitive, imposing, pompous and intimidating person. They often try to make others feel foolish or dumb. This type of difficult person might actually say demeaning or shaming things about you in front of others. Their put-downs might feel not only overwhelming, but make it intimidating to speak up around this person. No matter what you say to this difficult person, they can “top” you, and you don’t ever feel like you can “win” with this person, much less feel heard– they are always “right” (and you can’t seem to do ANYTHING right in their eyes!!). Dealing with this type of person in a group setting can feel like you are being squished like a bug!
What to do when dealing with a Know-it-all:
Realize that behind the know-it-all mask is someone who is very insecure. Look at their arrogance as insecurity under the surface.
Know your facts. Ask them to state their facts behind statements, and restate views if necessary. Allow them to save face when they are inaccurate. Deal with this person alone when necessary.
Don’t take it personally, and don’t take everything they say as factual.
Don’t let them get away with things that do not add up based on the facts. You can call this person out, but it’s important to keep your fear on the back burner (don’t let them see your intimidation). Try to quiet your inner voice that makes you feel nervous or ashamed around this person, and keep reminding yourself that they are really insecure under all of that bravado shown on the outside! Remember: No one can take your personal power away from you unless you allow them to (under most circumstances).
Agree to disagree, or table the conversation for another time. Getting into a power struggle will be draining and self-defeating. Being able to say “I will agree to disagree”, helps you keep your appropriate personal power, while still taking care of yourself.
We hope this week’s blog has been helpful for you– especially if you recognize that you regularly interact with a difficult person! As always, thank you for joining us this week…
Resources:
“People Skills” by Robert Bolton, Ph.D.; “Dealing With Difficult People” by R. Cava; “Since Strangling Isn’t an Option” by Sandra A. Crowe; “Secrets of Dealing with Difficult People” by Mark Lauderdale, MD, FRCFC
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in anger management, boundaries, Codependency, counterdependency, Counterdependency, Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, ways to cope | No Comments »
Everyone knows difficult people, right? That’s why a few years ago we developed a presentation to start helping people to deal with difficult people in the work place. We decided this week to share the types and how to handle them. I hope you are learning a lot. It’s kind of funny to think of people when you read…and see some things about ourselves, right? 
Silent People
These are people who ignore you, give sullen looks and/or respond to every question with either, “I don’t know” or silence because they are timid. They get away with not talking because most people are uncomfortable with the silence and are too quick to fill in the gaps.
Ask them open-ended questions that cannot be answered with just a “yes” or “no” response. Try to draw out their perspective and press for conclusions and responses. If need be, point blank ask them, “Why is it uncomfortable for you to answer my questions?”
Wait at least one full minute before you say anything. This long silence may make them uncomfortable enough to say something. If they do start talking, listen carefully and don’t interrupt.
Don’t evaluate yourself by their responses. It’s more about their timidness than it’s about you. Try to find something about them that stands out and comment on that.
Busybody
This person is zealot to police people’s lives! They attempt to force others to conform to their expectations. They are judgmental, overbearing, a gossiper, and a meddler in other people’s business.
When dealing with this person, try to commit to sticking to only good, positive information. It’s easy to fall prey to gossiping, but try to stay away from doing it with a busybody. Confront them about the facts, and be specific that you only want the facts (what they heard and witnessed). Press them towards personal responsibility. Don’t repeat/spread what a busybody shares.
Remember, everybody has some of these characteristics we are talking about this week. But it’s when it’s to an extreme. If you do identify with some of the difficult people, find some ways to work on that (or ask us for help!) Or if you know of anyone, we hope these tips will help. Tomorrow Joleen will go over the Know-It-All. Sounds fun!! Have a great day!
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: Busybodies, Busybody, dealing with difficult people, Silent People
Posted in communication, Family Issues, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
Everyone knows a complainer or two or twelve. Complainers drain our energy! Complainers are difficult to be around due to their negative outlook and fear. They feel the need to verbalize negativity often. I find complainers to be like the dementors in the Harry Potter series, they suck the joy right out of you! You have read this week about how to deal with the openly aggressive person and the sniper from Teri and Tamara, now its time to contain the complainer!
The Complainer
Complainers are fearful people who believe that they live in a hostile world. They complain about the world “not being fair”, and attempt to bring people around them into despair. These are not people who jump into action to try to change a situation that is not pleasing to them. Instead they do nothing but complain to anyone who will listen to the point of annoyance.
We all complain at times. But these difficult people complain too often. When you encounter a complainer, do not try to argue with them (they will only complain about you to another person!) Instead, respond with your positive outlook. For example, if you are at a restaurant with a person who says something negative about all of her food, you can point out that you really enjoy yours, or how delicious her food actually looks to you. Be careful, complaining is as contagious as a yawn and pretty soon your whole dinner party could be complaining! Nothing like shining your light to get rid of the darkness that complainers bring.
Sometimes it can be tempting to join in a complaint party. But be aware: this party celebrates negativity and breeds discontent. No one comes out happy, but feeling worse than when they arrived. Next time you are invited to this pity party, RSVP “no thank you”.
To stay with the Harry Potter theme, next time you are around a complainer and feel dark, take a page from Dumbledore. ”Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.” Happy shinning! As always, thanks for reading.
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: complainers, dealing with difficult people, Dumbledore, positive outlook
Posted in boundaries, communication, stress, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Difficult people are everywhere in our life. It could be someone in our family, workplace or a friend. It could also be a distant acquaintence. It’s easy to identify a difficult person, but harder to know what to do about them. Hopefully this week’s blog will help with that!
The Sniper
A Sniper is someone who is great at taking pot-shots and making sneak-attack comments. This can come across as humorous put-downs, having a sarcastic tone of voice, or giving disapproving looks.
Being on the receiving end of this from a sniper is uncomfortable, and often people don’t respond because they don’t like confrontation, which allows the Sniper to get away with their angry comments.
What should you do with a Sniper? First of all, don’t take it personally. Secondly, call their bluff. If they put you down in a humorous way say, “It sounds as if you’re making fun of me, are you?” A Sniper will usually reply to such questions with denial of “I’m only joking”, and this might reduce the chance of similar attacks in the future.
Other good tips in dealing with a Sniper is to remember not to defend yourself or withdraw. Defending will only get you into an arguement, and withdrawing will get you verbally abused. Ignore any malicious intent. If they say something along the lines of “Wow, do you just throw whatever food you have laying around and call it dinner?” Just respond and say, “Yes, I like to try new things around here”. You have to pick your battles. Also, respect the fact that a Sniper has their own opinion too, even if you don’t agree.
Maybe you’re beginning to see some of the difficult people in your life, maybe not. Please check back in with us as we still have several personalities to share with you, such as Complainer & Busybody (everyone knows a Busybody!). Thank you for reading.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: dealing with difficult people, Difficult people
Posted in anger management, boundaries, Codependency, communication, coping skills, Family Issues, Healthy Living, Relationships, ways to cope | No Comments »
Difficult people are everywhere in this world! It is inevitable that you will come across someone daily who is hard to deal with. Because of this, Imagine Hope is talking about different types of difficult people and do’s and don’ts when interacting with them. We hope you are able to find some good tips that will help you keep your cool when you come across one!
The Openly Aggressive Person
This person can be very hard to deal with. They use their aggression to intimidate and get their way. They have a hard time opening up to people to express their real feelings under their rage. They tend to be unpredictable and cause tension.
When dealing with an openly aggressive person make sure you do NOT take their abuse. Refuse to argue and don’t react to their rage. Also don’t run away either. They feel more powerful when you do.
Try to be direct and assertive in your communication and remain calm. Keep your confidence on the outside (even if you are shaking on the inside!) Make sure you stick to the facts and don’t talk about any assumptions. This will give you power when they get off track and overreact.
The biggest power you have is when you keep your emotions in check and don’t give your emotional power to them. The moment you loose control is the moment they get control of you.
Check in tomorrow as Tamara helps us deal with “Snipers”! Thanks for reading!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: Difficult people, openly aggressive people
Posted in coping skills, Counterdependency, Relationships, stress | No Comments »
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