Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
This week we are talking about ways to protect your kids from predators. I agree with Alexa, one of the biggest fears we have as parents is something happening to our children. It is SO important to be informed and keep your children educated and informed as well. I know my children are still surprised that there are “bad guys and bad girls” in the world. They see this as something on tv, not in real life. As Teri said, it’s important to have a balance. You don’t want them so afraid that everything is fearful to them. But they need to understand that bad things can happen, and yes, even from people we know. Here are 2 more tips to help you out:
Have open conversations about your children’s outside relationships. Ask them questions like, “What did you today at the neighbors?” And when they talk, LISTEN! They will usually tell you (when they are little). As they grow older, stay engaged in these conversations, so it feels natural for them to share with you. “How is Fred doing? I haven’t heard you talk about him in awhile. Is he still dating Sandy?” Just showing interest in them will help them open up more about where they have been, what happened, and what their friends are doing. At any age, ask about any significant adults in their lives: teachers, coaches, club leaders, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Anyone they spend a lot of time with.
Have specific safety measures in place for sleep overs and NEVER let your child stay somewhere that you do not know the parents. Make sure doors stay open and that the children and parents understand this. Let the parents know your guidelines as far as computer, internet, and tv shows. It may feel like you are “weird” because many parents don’t do this. But you need to ask yourself what is more important: you feeling uncomfortable or your childs safety?
We hope these tips have been helpful this week. Tomorrow Joleen will share 2 more. Thank you for reading and let’s keep your kids safe this summer!
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: kid predators, kids safety
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As a parent, I can attest that there are few fears that are bigger than something terrible happening to your children. The reality is that we, as parents, can only be present to watch over our children part of the time. We trust others to help us keep our children safe. This week, as we talk about ways to protect our children from child predators, please take the time to share this information with your child’ s other caregivers. Here are two more important ways to help protect your children:
Place the family computer in a public place. Child predators do not need an physical door to reach your children in your home. They can come in over the internet. We recommend a “no closed door” policy for kids with internet access over lap tops or desk top usage. That means if you are on the computer, it needs to be in a room where adults can monitor the content. A good barrier against predators is to install an internet filter so that children cannot accidentally access sites that are dangerous. Filters such as Net Nanny, CYBERsitter, or Be Safe can also prevent predators from accessing your child’s computer through vulnerabilities in your internet security. However, you must stay current on updates to keep your filter working.
Establish an environment of caring safe communication. Your relationship is the best link you have to your children’s trust. You have to work at making sure your children feel safe and secure in talking with you about anything. If you chose an authoritarian style parenting (think drill sergeant), your child may feel that they will be punished for coming to you with concerns. If you are too permissive, they may not have faith that you are strong enough to protect them. The best style of parenting to foster safety and security is authoritative style of parenting. This mutually respectful style of parenting offers good boundary setting and strong communication when delivered with love and gentleness and acceptance. Tell your kids that they can talk to you about ANYTHING. Then prove it to them by listening and reserving judgement when they take you up on your offer. When you show children that you can handle the small stuff, then they will trust you with the big stuff.
Please stay tuned as Natalie and Joleen continue to offer protective tips. As always, thanks for stopping by.
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
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This week’s blog is such an important topic. If you the parent are aware and better informed, then you can pass on this information to your children as well. Here are two more tips on how to protect your kids from predators:
- Explain how predators work on the internet. Tell your kids to never give out their personal information (name, address, phone number, school, friends names, etc…) without your approval first. Have them tell you first if someone ever does ask them for this type of information. Remind your kids that the person whom they’re talking to may be lying about who they really are. If your children do come to you, telling you that someone asked for their personal information, make sure you reward them. Remind them that they’re not just protecting themself, but other kids too.
- Talk to them early on about good touch and bad touch. ANYTHING that makes them feel uncomfortable needs to be discussed with a trusted parent. Also discuss who (parents, grandparents, etc) may touch them in their private areas and who may not. Call private areas by their appropriate names (penis, vagina, breasts). If you’re comfortable talking about your children’s body parts by their real names, then your children will be comfortable talking to you about their own body parts if they ever need to.
We hope these tips are helpful this week for your family to get a great start toward creating a defense toward predators. Please check back in as we have many more tips to cover!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: good touch/bad touch, protecting against predators, ways to protect your kids from predators
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As a parent, one of my main concerns is my child’s safety. Part of my job is to be the “safety patrol” and teach them how to catch on to what is safe and what is risky behavior.
As school is ending and summer break gets into full gear, we thought it would be good to remind you of helpful tips to protect your kids, whether it is in the yard, at the park, or on the computer.
- Be Open- When you are open with your kids about what the world is really like, it helps them not live with a naive mindset. I’m not saying to instill fear in them, so a balance of how much you tell them is important based on their age. But if you know from the news that there is a warning of a man in a red car driving around lately trying to get kids to come in his car, tell them to be on the look out for a red car and review stranger danger tips (Joleen will cover more on these later in the week). Kids need to not live in a sheltered bubble, otherwise, they won’t be prepared if danger strikes.
- Teach kids that a “bad guy” might not look like a bad guy. Most bad guys or gals don’t have a specific look to them. Stereotypes are all wrong when it comes down to perpetrators. Statistics say that 95% of perpetrators are people that victims love, know, and trust already. They might not even be adults either. Many times they are teenagers and same-aged kids. Make sure you teach your child about how to build trust people and what type of people are safe for them. Also help them understand that it is ok to say “no” to any one who asks them to do anything or go anywhere that makes them feel uncomfortable.
Keep reading all week for more specific tips to protect your kids! The world can be a hurtful place. Let’s do our best to proactively protect our kids!
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Posted in Abuse, boundaries, communication, Family Issues, Parenting, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Today we will wrap up with the only child.
We’ve all heard someone say “Oh…. They are an “only child”! So many stereotypes exist for the “only”– self-focused, high expectations for self and others, difficult to get along with…
While some of these may be true, if you are an only child, there are things you can do to help!
1. Pay attention to the ideas outlined in the First Born blog from earlier this week!
2. Exercise extreme caution. Since only children tend to be over-achievers like first borns: Don’t make too many commitments in day to day life and don’t expect too much of yourself.
3. Make time for yourself. Only children often need quite a bit of time for themselves, so it’s important to build time and space into your schedule.
4. Choose friends wisely. Because only children tend to get along with and relate better to people much older or younger, it’s important for them to try and arrange experiences with both groups– these personalities are ones you will most likely click with.
5. Do a self-inventory. Because only children didn’t have to learn to share with a brother or sister, they are often labeled as selfish. Take an honest inventory of your life and how you are with your spouse or significant other, friends, or co-workers.
Adapted from The Birth Order Book: Why You Are The Way You Are by K. Leman
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
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As the pattern would follow for this week: Tamara writing on the 1st born and being one, Alexa being a middle child and writing about that- guess what I might be? Yes, the “BABY” as we are so often referred to! The Last-Born gets a wrap for being coddled and getting all the attention. This may be true but we also have a lot of great characteristics that come from this. Here are some things to remember if you are a last-born.
Accept responsibility for yourself. It was easy to blame things on the older ones in the family, right? Not now as an adult. It’s time to grow up and take responsibility for our own mistakes (and the good stuff, too!).
Think neat. If you are messy and disorganized, it’s time to change that. Picking up after yourself will eliminate stress on you and for others who pick up after you.
Give of yourself. Being the center of attention can create selfishness. It’s great to step out of yourself and think of ways to help others. Mow the neighbors yard without telling them it was you. Skip the need for accolades. Pay it forward to the person behind you in the Starbucks drive thru- buy their drink and drive away! Give money or time to a charity or organization. Think outside of “you”.
Beware of being too independent. Notice when you are excluding others when you need help. Don’t be too proud to ask for it. And when you do make a mistake, admit it. Don’t try to blame others.
Always be aware of your gifts: being funny, charming, and persuasive. This can be negative or positive. Some people use this to manipulate people in a negative way. Use your charm as an asset to do good and to help others. Don’t use it just to get attention.
Share the applause. Be aware of and ask about what is going on with other people. Be interested in others instead of always talking about yourself. And share the stage now and then. Others have talents and need to hear applause as well.
Before marriage, try dating firstborns. Firstborns will balance the relationship in that they like to take charge and be serious. If you are laid back and like to have fun, hopefully this will balance out and not create a ton of conflict.
There you have it first-borns. Tomorrow Joleen will finish us out with “Making the Birth Order Work”. Thank you for reading and have a great day!
Source for the week: K. Leman “The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are”
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: birth order, Last-Borns
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Have you ever heard the term “middle child syndrome?” While it is not a true diagnosable condition, it describes some traits that sometimes come along with being a middle child. We middle children get a bum rap. We have a reputation for being needy, jealous, and have low self-esteem due to the fact that our older siblings were pleasers and leaders and our younger siblings were easy and laid back. While these descriptions might have some accuracy, we can also make our birth order work for us!
Nurture your people skills. Because we are middle born, we are natural negotiators. We had to manage the older sibling and younger sibling when mediating who gets to sit in the front seat or whose turn it is to play a board game. Use your skills to see both sides and deal with life events as they really are.
Enjoy your uniqueness. Whatever your personality may be, fight to keep your unique qualities. If you are quirky or free spirited, remember that there are businesses and companies who look and value traits just like yours.
Express yourself. Middle children sometimes feel unheard since they may have felt unheard growing up. Do not apologize for having opinions and share your point of view.
Focus on meaningful relationships. The middle child often invests in friendships to help evolve their sense of identity. If are a middle child, and you have a lot of friends enjoy it but do not spread yourself too thin. Establish a limited number of relationships to maintain meaningfulness.
Don’t compare. Try not to get sucked into comparison games. Middle children understand more than anyone how there are always people above and below when it comes to interest, skill, ability, or appearance. Comparisons do not lead to anything positive.
Consider taking the lead. Firstborns are not the only people who can lead. Middle children make excellent managers or leaders due to skills gained from their experience with compromise and negotiation. We know how to see issues from different angles and use the art of exchange.
Next time you hear someone use the term “middle child syndrome”, you can politely teach them all the good qualities that can develop from being a middle child. Please come back tomorrow as Natalie talks about how to make the last child birth order work for you. As always, thanks for stopping by.
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: birth order, making your birth-order work for you
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Oh how this week’s blog is too true. I’m a first-born, and I can honestly say that the info below is dead-on. Hopefully if you are a first-born as well you’ll be able to see the items below and relate:
- Take smaller bites of life - First-borns get involved in too many things, leaving very little time for themself.
- Work on saying “no” – Most first-borns are pleasers – trying to get the approval of others by accepting the requests and invitations of other people. How do you put a stop to this? Know your limitations, and accept that having limitations are reasonable and human.
- Lower your sights a bit – Because you are the first born in your family, your parents had great expectations for you, and you probably have great expectations for yourself as well. You expect to be the best, to be perfect to be first. Put those expectations aside and enjoy life. Do less and enjoy more.
- Enjoy your natural curiosity – First-borns are known for asking alot of questions & wanting all the details. There’s no need to apologize for this character trait of yourself. This is a sign of a leader who can see a situation, figure out what needs to be done, then apply the steps to logically solve the problem.
- Take your time – Most first-borns are careful and cautious. If you need to take time making decisions, then do that. Don’t let people pressure your process.
- If you’re serious, try to develop a sense of humor – Can you laugh at your mistakes? Be more accepting of your humanness and that you’re going to fail now and then. If you don’t make mistakes, how are you going to learn?
- Don’t apologize for being conscientious and over-organized – First-borns like structure and “to do” lists. The key is to have flexibility and not be run by the lists and structure.
Remember, the key is not to beat yourself up, but to make what’s beautiful and wonderful about yourself WORK for yourself. And don’t worry, if you’re not a first-born, we have each birth order coming up and covered this week. Tomorrow Alexa will talk about being a middle-child. Thanks for reading!
Source for the week: K. Leman “The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are”
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: being a first-born, birth order, making your birth-order work for you
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Teri Claassen's Blog
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