Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog
Inspiring Hope for Life & Relationships
What are some additional things you can do if you are searching for “Mr. Or Mrs. Right”?
Have realistic expectations. Things aren’t always a bed of roses, no matter how healthy a person might be. Don’t expect to have a “perfect” relationship. After all, we are all human! This doesn’t mean you should ignore red flags or allow hurtful behaviors from a person, it just means that it’s important to not have unrealistic expectations.
Don’t negotiate your non-negotiables. If you feel strongly about a certain thing (for example, you could not date or marry someone who drank alcohol, had anger issues, or wasn’t faith-based– then don’t settle for less than this. This usually comes back to bite you, because we can’t change other people!
Be yourself. It’s important to let the other person get to know the “real you”. If you pretend to be something you are not, eventually the other person will see the real you and feel betrayed. Let the other person fall in love with who you really are!
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Tags: FInding Mr or Mrs Right
Posted in Imagine Hope Counseling Group, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
#4- Don’t talk yourself out of pink and red flags
First of all, what are pink and red flags? Most of you know what a red flag is- it’s a phrase we use to say “caution” or “I need to take notice of this. Something is not right to me.” A pink flag is not quite that obvious but more a small feeling in your gut to pay attention. It’s not huge, but notable.
Now that we have cleared that up, listen to them when you are dating. Many people actually have good intuition and see/hear the flags- they just want the relationship to work out so bad that they are willing to talk themselves out of them.
Take note when you have these feelings. It is okay to question them, provide evidence for or against what you are feeling, and to talk to your potential partner about them. If they have a problem with you asking questions or talking about it- guess what- that’s a huge red flag!
#5 Be aware and address conflict when it starts happening
As a marriage therapist, we hear so many couples say they wish they would have had conflict before they got married to see how it would have been handled. Most couples actually DO have the opportunity for conflict, they just avoid it early in the relationship for fear of losing that person or pushing them away.
I would encourage you to bring up things, even in the beginning. See how it’s going to go. You would rather find out early on if they are a yeller or avoider. Then you can make a decision before you invest any more time in them.
We wish you the best of luck in finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. It can be challenging yet very rewarding if you are aware of healthy habits from the start.
Tomorrow Joleen will give us 3 more tips. Thank you for reading. Have a great week.
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: FInding Mr or Mrs Right
Posted in Abandonment, boundaries, communication, Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
Tip #2 – Be the person you think your Ideal would be attracted to.
First off, we’re not saying to change who you are in order to get someone to like you. Quite the opposite. Here’s what we mean by this: Think about the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. What type of qualities do they have? What type of lifestyle do they have that is attractive to you? I think you’re getting the idea.
Now, you have to look at yourself and see if you’re living a life that would attract a person like this. If you want someone who is trustworthy, caring, compassionate and a family person, then you need to search for this person in places that promote these qualities. Clearly you don’t want to look in places like clubs & bars. Looking in places like church or volunteer groups might be a better fit. I’m not saying that bad people hang out in bars & clubs and I’m not saying that only good people go to church or volunteer. We’re saying to examine your own life, your own behavior, and to see if the way you act or where you hang out is going to attract the person you are looking for.
Tip #3 – Be ok alone, otherwise you could be desperate.
No one likes to be alone. We were built to be in relationships. But, an inability to be alone, or inability to be ok feeling lonely for a period of time can be dangerous.
If you find yourself trying to avoid feeling lonely, you might settle for relationships that you otherwise would never agree to be in. If you find yourself saying, “We’ll it’s better to be with (insert name) than to be alone”, then the date has already expired on the relationship.
Understand that the right person is out there for you, and you’ll meet them when you’re supposed to. But remember: You can’t meet Mr/Mrs Right if you’re desperately staying in a relationship just because you’re afraid of being alone. Take the risk of being alone, get into therapy and figure out why it’s hard to be alone, or journal when you’re feeling lonely to see what deeper realizations you can discover.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: dating tips, ways to find mr & mrs right
Posted in Abandonment, boundaries, Relationships | No Comments »
We are asked many times a week by singles about how to find a quality mate. Everyone is looking for Mr or Mrs Right to share their lives with, but the biggest challenge is finding him or her.
That’s why Imagine Hope is giving all our single readers some tips to help them on their search that could lead them to finding a quality person this week.
Tip #1- Be A Healthy and Complete Person and You will Attract One
I love the kid’s book by Shel Silverstein called “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O”. This book clearly shows the importance of today’s tip.
Take 3 Minutes to watch the animated version of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afsV8UmMqVw
Being a “Big O” means that you are a whole and complete person rolling through life without the need for someone to complete you. You don’t have any missing pieces for someone to fill.
Being whole and complete doesn’t mean you are perfect and without flaws. It is about managing your emotional issues, living a balanced life, and not being too needy for others, because you are able to meet your own needs well.
Of course it is great to have a companion in life, that is a normal human desire. But at times people can lean too much on others to complete them that they create an unhealthy relationship where the other person feels pressure and smothered to rescue their partner. It is healthier to “want” someone rather than “need” them.
If you are on the hunt for Mr or Mrs Right, it is good to get your emotional baggage resolved in order for you to be a “big O” in the relationship. It sure is attractive to see someone with their head on straight and managing their life well physically and emotionally. The healthier you are, the more likely you will attract someone who is too!
Keep reading all week for more tips! And work hard this week to be your healthiest you as you roll through life.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC
Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW, LCAC is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.
Tags: FInding Mr or Mrs Right
Posted in Healthy Living, Love, Marriage, Premarital issues, Relationships, Relationships | No Comments »
This week, Imagine Hope is discussing different tips for how you can make your sex life more fulfilling.
Have fun and be more playful. Sex doesn’t have to be serious, routine and boring. Spice things up by including laughter and make it fun! It’s always good to incorporate humor in our day to day lives (good natured, of course!)– including sex. Send your partner playful texts throughout the day. Be playful with touch and conversation. Remember that good sex starts outside of the bedroom!
Learn about your partner’s sexual preferences and interests. Find out what the other person likes– different ways of being touched, sexual positions, the things that person likes during foreplay (or how much foreplay they like or don’t like), or the ways that bring them to orgasm. Then do them! Don’t be selfish during sex. Make sure to focus appropriate attention on what the other person is telling you (through their words or through the unspoken ways they are telling you) about their interests. If your partner doesn’t like something, or if something is a turn-off for them, take note of it and try not to do that particular thing. Above all else, be open to talking about sex! If you like something, or don’t like something, be open with your partner in telling them.
Have sex more often! While each couple has their own preference for how often they want to have sex (and what they find fulfilling), try to have sex more often. Try to have sex at least once a week or more. It’s easy to let day to day life get in the way of a healthy sex life, but try not to let this happen. After work, kids, family, and home, we can all be exhausted. But again, don’t let this keep your sex life from happening. It’s important for a healthy relationship to remain sexually connected. While it’s not the only way to show love, it is a very important part of fully loving your partner.
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.
Posted in Emotional needs, Love, Marriage, marriage counseling, Relationships, Sex | No Comments »
Wow- are we having fun around here this week with our topic and your comments! Glad you all are enjoying it and getting some ideas! Here are a few more:
Talk about sex more
Because sex can be such a hush hush topic among all of us, it tends to be hush hush in a relationship after time goes by as well. It is healthy to actually talk about sex with your partner. It will keep the lines of communication open regarding sex and it might peak more interest between partners who otherwise may not be. As Alexa mentioned, talk about what you like and don’t like. Your partner is probably wondering anyway, so it will take some pressure off of them.
Remember, it’s okay to have a sense of humor, too. It doesn’t have to be some long, drawn out, draining conversation. Keep it light and conversational (like you are going out for coffee to discuss something light).
Touch Each Other Like You Are Attracted To Them
Let’s face it, with mortgages to pay, jobs to go to, and kids at our feet, it’s easy to give a tiny peck on the cheek, if that at all, as a farewell to our partner in the morning. It’s easy to get in the rut with this. Start trying something new- actually look into your partners eyes before kissing them. Not a long, lingering gaze! Just a look and then kiss them. You will connect with them for a second before planting your farewell kiss to them. This would be an example of a way to touch them or show them you are attracted to them.
Touch them as they walk by- a simple touch on the back or even a wink at them- will let them know you still think they are “the bomb” and are attracted to them. This will carry over into the bedroom. Don’t get stuck in a routine there. Be sure and touch your spouse like you mean it- not like it’s another thing to check off your list before bedtime!
Get Creative With the Invitation
Let your partner know in different ways that you are ready to play! Get creative with it. Ladies, sit on his lap. Men, “invite” her to the bedroom (or kitchen or minivan lol). Try not to use the same ole, “You wanna fool around?” time after time.
We understand that we can’t all be sex gods and goddess’s all the time. It’s not about that. It’s about switching it up a bit and not allowing yourselves to always be in the same rut. Change things up to keep it more fulfilling.
We wish you luck with this! Tomorrow Joleen will share some more tips- just in time for the weekend! Have a wonderful week!
Written by Natalie Chandler
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville
Tags: more fulfilling sex
Posted in Marriage, Relationships | No Comments »
Remember that feeling you had when you began dating your partner? When we make special effort to romance our partner, they will know that we are interested in their happiness. Romance your partner like when you were dating! Sex is more fufilling for women when it about more than only physical release. Women are far more likely to respond to your sexual advances when they feel attractive, valued, and important. Romance is a wonderful way of communicating these sentiments.
Male partners also feel more connected and engaged in sex when they feel wanted, valued, appreciated, and attractive. Even small romantic gestures go a long way to draw a couple together. Little things can be exciting like calling her in the middle of the day to tell her she looked nice this morning, or drop him a note at lunch time to let him know you can’t wait for the kids to go to bed tonight!
Stress is the ultimate killer of sexual mojo. If you want your partner to be more engaged in sex, the worst thing to do is complain or attack your partner on his or her performance. If your partner is sexual with you out of fear, debt, or obligation, it will not be fufilling for either of you.
Relax! Don’t put too much pressure on each other, but help your partner in kind encouraging ways. Communicate your desires safely always making sure that your partner hears you say that you love them enough to want to be intimate with them. If you do not like what your partner is asking you to do sexually, communicate that in a loving way. Let them know it is the act that you don’t like, not that you don’t like your partner. Talk about what you like and what you don’t like. If there is something that your partner does really well, let them know that too! If your partner feels stressed about sex, they will likely not want to engage in it and neither will you.
Please continue to check in this week for more tips to make sex more fulfilling. As always, thanks for stopping by.
Written by Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT
Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed therapist and Registered Play Therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Alexa enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Alexa also does play therapy, family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield
Tags: romance, sexual stress
Posted in Emotional needs, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Sex, stress | No Comments »
Don’t Get Stuck In A Rut
Change it up! Sex can get boring very quickly when the routine (& the room) is the same each time. If you have sex mainly at night, try having sex in the morning a few times. Feel uncomfortable because the kids are in the next room? Try to have sex before they get home from school. Is it always in the bedroom? Find a different room in the house.
Make time for sex
One of the biggest complaints between couples is how sex isn’t made a priority. Sex is one of the biggest pieces of the marriage puzzle, along with finances, children, communication, etc. If you find yourself getting too tired to have sex, then have sex before you get too tired.
Are there too many things to do before you’re able to have sex? Then ask for help. Try approaching your spouse and say, “I have x, y, and z to do, but if I get help with these 3 things, then that will free me up for us to have some time together”.
You have to make time for sex, just as you make time for everything else in your day. If you don’t, your relationship can start to suffer.
We have several more tips to share with you, please re-visit our blog to read them all.
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC, LCAC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
Tags: tips to make sex more fulfilling
Posted in Emotional needs, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Sex | No Comments »
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