I am so excited we are teaching you Pia’s Relationship Maxim’s this week. They are so relevant to what we do. Hopefully you are finding them helpful. Here are more from her book:
13. When you resist my control, I feel abandoned. I love how she puts it in her book, “When I want you to be a certain way and you won’t agree to do that, what I make up about that is that you don’t love me, because if you did love me, you would do what I want you to do.” So this person feels if they can’t control you, you don’t love them. Yikes!
14. Conditional love is immature love and never feels satisfactory to a child. If your child only feels loved when they are busy doing what you want them to do, they feel they aren’t loved when they are not busy doing what you want them to do.
15. A relationship with an unconscious person is impossible. People are unconscious when they are either being addictive or not aware of how their dysfunctional personality or behaviors is effected by their pasts. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with either.
16. A new relationship cannot begin until you have grieved the last relationship. Pia says, “Grieving only stops when it is over.” If you start another relationship before you are finished grieving the first, you will carry your emotions and thoughts into the new relationship.
17. It’s easier dealing with the drunk you know than the sober human being you don’t. A person can get so wrapped up in taking care of an addict that they lose themselves. When the addict gets sober, the caretaker doesn’t know what to do with themselves!
18. Love is about knowing someone matters. That way you can’t love them too much. You love someone so much that you want them to still be themselves and not feel controlled and manipulated by you. You give love in an appropriate way rather than smothering.
Thank you for reading! Check in tomorrow and Joleen will share the remaining Maxim’s.
* the above are adapted or directly quoted from “The Intimacy Factor” by Pia Mellody pages 138-140.
Natalie Chandler, MA, LMHC is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Natalie enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, and couples counseling. We also specialize in family counseling, child, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Westfield, and Zionsville.