Pia Mellody is one of my favorite self-help authors. Tamara and I were able to hear her speak last fall at a conference! In her latest book “The Intimacy Factor”, she discusses many things related to boundaries. She specifically discusses an internal boundary system, which helps a person stay protected and contained when interacting with others. A Functional Internal Listening Boundary “sorts through what others are saying and feeling and only takes in and has feelings about what he knows to be truth”. This filtering system acts as a protective layer between you and others. A Functional Talking Internal Boundary “talks clearly, but in a politic and diplomatic manner and releases their emotions with moderation”. This serves as personal containment where you don’t give too much when interacting with another. This week Imagine Hope wants you to understand this internal boundary system to help you communicate with others in healthy ways. Keep reading all week as we cover things to remember when listening and talking. Talking Tips:
1. Set your external physical boundary in order to be more comfortable as you talk. Make sure you are standing or sitting at an appropriate distance from the other person, rather than too close or too far, which could cause discomfort.
2. Remind yourself not to blame.
3. Remind yourself you are sharing to be known, not to control or manipulate.
4. Remind yourself to moderate your emotions as you speak. Try to breathe deeply when you are experiencing emotion. Remember to use these tips when talking with others.
Tomorrow Tamara will give us more reminders to help us make sure we are being heard by others in a healthy way. Make sure you practice “containing” yourself in order to get your point across. Sharing everything that comes to mind will not be effective communication.
* Information from today’s blog is taken from “The Intimacy Factor” by Pia Mellody and from her lecture at a conference.
Written by Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW Teri Claassen MSW, LCSW is a licensed therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. Teri enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, couples and relationship counseling. Teri also does family counseling, child counseling, and adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield.