This week we are discussing how to use internal boundaries for better communication. Today we will finish up some tips to help you with internal boundaries when you are listening.
6. If what you heard is “true”, open your boundary, take it in, and have feelings about it. This allows you to experience your role in the conflict and promotes healthy change. It also helps the listener to combat shameful feelings and reactions because you are only owning what your part is in the conflict or issue.
7. If what you are hearing is “not true”, work at keeping your boundary closed. If you have let it in, notice what you are feeling (anger, pain, joy, shame, passion, love, guilt or fear) but don’t attach to the feelings- actively work to push them out (i.e., “this is not about me”).
8. If what you are hearing is “questionable”, when the person is finished talking, ask for the data you need in order to decide if it is “true” or “not true”. Ask for the data in four sentences or less without complaining, blaming or explaining why you need the data. This helps the other person listen.
9. If you are experiencing a boundary violation, stand up for yourself, confront the boundary violation, and tell them to stop.
10. Evaluate what you have heard to determine if negotiation is necessary.
We hope this weeks blog is helpful to you with boundaries when you are communicating with others. As always, thank you for joining us!
Sources: “The Intimacy Factor” by Pia Mellody
Joleen Watson, MS, NCC, is a therapist at Imagine Hope Counseling Group. She enjoys doing marriage counseling, relationship counseling, couples counseling, and individual counseling. Imagine Hope also specializes in family, child and adolescent counseling and serves Indianapolis area including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield, and Fishers.