As Teri discussed yesterday, Denial is the first stage in the grief process. What happens once denial is removed? After you realize your loved one is gone or you’re really losing your job, or you don’t have the marriage you once thought? Anger & Bargaining set in.
#2 Anger
What Anger sounds like: ”Why me? This isn’t fair! How could this happen to me? How could you do this to me?” Once you’ve hit the anger stage you realize denial is no longer happening. You can be angry with yourself or angry with others, or even angry with God. During this stage you might be hard to console and have misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anyone or anything that represents what you’re losing can be subject to resentment or jealousy. For example, if you’re going thru the loss of a parent, you may feel jealous of friends/coworkers who still have their parents and feel angry when they talk about their parents in conversations.
#3 Bargaining
What Bargaining sounds like: “I promise I’ll change if you stay. Can’t we still be friends? I promise I’ll do better next time. I swear…..” In this stage you’re holding onto the hope that you can bargain against the inevitable coming. Generally it’s drastic changes that are promised in hopes to secure something that is at stake of being taken away. But, rarely do these bargaining promises ever provide a workable or reasonable solution. You can bargain with a loved one, God, or the person who is taking something away. For example, bargaining with God to allow more time to live with a terminal diagnosis or bargaining with a significant other to stay in the relationship promising you’ll change bad habits.
Remember that going thru these stages is normal and expected. You may not stay in each stage long, or you may get “stuck” in a stage at times. But, keep in mind that these stages are common. Keep reading throughout the week as we go through the last 2 stages!
Written by: Tamara Wilhelm MA, LMHC
*Tamara enjoys doing marriage counseling, individual counseling, & couples counseling at Imagine Hope. We also specialize in family counseling, child & adolescent counseling. Imagine Hope serves the Indianapolis area, including the surrounding areas of Carmel, Noblesville, Zionsville, Westfield & Fishers.
